To Wonder About Separate Bedrooms?

[MrsLegend]

I've read a number of posts on here about people having separate bedrooms to their partner, despite being in a happy relationship.

I wonder how many people realistically do this, the reason behind it (ie snoring) and whether it's beneficial?

I suppose I've always thought that it's something couples do when they get elderly so as not to disturb each other in the night, but it seems that couples of all ages do it!

I snore and it drives DH mad. However we’re nowhere near different rooms!! We do most of our chatting in bed and our clock radio comes on at 6.20 and we listen to the radio for ten mins before getting up and do bed dancing (where we dance in bed to a song or quietly sing along). It’s one of my favourite times of the day. Plus I’d miss my morning peck and ‘Morning Oh Wife of Mine’, he says it every day (naff I know, but he’s a lovely soul).

We don't sleep separately as a rule and won't until we're elderly, but we keep the spare room made up and either one of us will say if we fancy a night in there - for me, it's when I'm really tired after multiple nights of poor sleep and desperately don't want to be disturbed.

We’ve done it right from the start. We got together late in life (me late 40’s, him early 50’s). After being single for nearly 10 years and a solo homeowner it was a big shock to find out that the snorer was me!!!

We don’t live together- he’s a 50/50 dad so has half the week at his with his kids. When he stays at mine we start off in one room; sex, cuddles, chat etc, but when it’s time to sleep one of us will go in the spare room. It’s lovely.

DP has just had an operation on his shoulder so l'm in the spare room as he needs to spread out - it's wonderful! No snoring, farting, flailing about, waking me up if he goes to the loo ... We like sex in the daytime and hug oftain, nothing wrong with the relationship but if l had my way l'd definitely have my own room!

As a PP said - there's nothing cosy and intimate about sharing a bed with someone you're planning to kill because they keep making snarrf-ing noises everytime you're about to drop off!

How many of the snorers on here have actively tried to address their snoring? It can lead to sleep apnoea which has serious health implications.

I do. I get too hot otherwise and I can’t stand being touched when I’m asleep. I also fidget a lot.

Plus, when I was sleeping in the same bed as dh, he either woke me up with his legs, where he would raise them in an A shape, and then drop them down making the bed jump, or he would get sexsomnia, and felt me up a lot.

DH has IBD and often has to get up in the middle of the night to rush to loo. When he is ill he needs more sleep than usual so I would often go up a couple of hours after him. This would disturb him and he would have to go to the toilet. At one point Just before first lockdown I had spent almost a month on the sofa so he went out, bought me a bed and a tv and surprised me with my own room, fully kitted out and redecorated. At first I was a bit 🤨 but when we’ve had to share a bed (visitors over Xmas etc) I haven’t been able to sleep at all. We still have cuddles and have regular sex (when he is well enough) and it has been an absolute godsend because I was turning into a miserable, tired, sofa zombie.

We have two bedrooms for sleeping. Whoever wants to decamps at sleep time from our main bedroom. We can't share all night as we have different heat/cover/snoring and. moving habits. Whoever decamps has to come back to main bedroom in the morning. And only the main bedroom has a TV and our phones. The second bedroom is nicer for sex as well we rarely have sex in the main room. It's taken us some honest negotiations to set our rules but this way no one feels neglected or rejected and we both get a good night's sleep.

We've slept in separate rooms for a couple of years. DH is constantly tossing and turning while I sleep completely still. He drives me crazy being so restless and has knocked me out of bed on more than one occasion. Our intimacy has improved because we make time for each other and we're sleeping well. I know of 2 other sets of friends who also sleep separately.

I thin

Oh I would love this we often say we would put two double beds in our bedroom if we could. I am always cold I love warms cotton duvet covers I have my own extra single duvet over my side of the bed. DH is very hot he would sleep with a sheet if he could. I would have a lovely heated room with lots of duvets, he could have the window open and his sheet.

We have separate rooms. It's great! It started about 10 years ago when DS was small and often used to wander in in the night, and it used to disturb DH more than me and he always ended up moving to the spare room. He's a night owl. He often works late or watches films/games, and he gets up late, as work hours are flexible. I have to get up early for work/school run, and therefore need to go to bed early. He sometimes snores. I sometimes work on my laptop in bed in the evening. It works perfectly for us. I like having my own space.

@RampantIvy

How many of the snorers on here have actively tried to address their snoring? It can lead to sleep apnoea which has serious health implications.

My GP said that snoring and sleep apnea are very different things. I snore but do not have the stopping breathing that is characteristic of sleep apnea, so GP said it's not a health issue for me. Maybe for anyone trying to sleep next to me.

I have not come across any papers suggesting snoring can lead to sleep apnea. I would be very interested in any sources you can provide. Many thanks.

Yep for around 10 years now I think. He snores and hogs the bed. I sleep lightly and nowadays wake a lot as menopausal. He gets up for night wees. I like a heavy duvet and a water bottle for my hip. He gets too hot. I need to get earlier for work too. Can't sleep with anyone and have always been like that as I seem to end up obsessing about being awake and hearing them breathing, snoring etc and wanting to smother them with the pillow. Years back I even slept the night in a camp chair outside the caravan to escape the snoring from previous partner . Tbh I don't care about sex any more would rather get my kip.

I’m an insomniac and husband snores like a freight train so separate bedrooms have been a blessing!

Also we have a much better sex life as I wanted to murder him when we shared a room and I used to get so stressed out knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep and that he would start snoring that we would argue a lot around bedtime and being around him in the daytime when I was exhausted and he was Mr happy made me actually look at divorce

So yes separate rooms have improved our marriage, we also have a running joke that he will leave me fiver by the side of my bed when he leaves my room ( he does and I buy wine with it) 😆😆

We have separate bedrooms and it’s lovely. DH snores and I have menopausal insomnia and when I do go to sleep I am woken by the slightest noise. Works for us. You don’t need to be in bed to have a cuddle.

@Dogmum40
I will try the £5 with my DH. 😂😂

Separate rooms here - started during the baby years so at least one of us got a good night but would NEVER go back now. DH snores can be heard from the next village but now he is in the loft conversion with two fire doors between us and harmony has been restored.

I would have to divorce if we shared a bedroom. The thoughts you have in the middle of the night after being kept awake for hours by a snorer are not pleasant.

We've had separate bedrooms our entire relationship due to snoring, sleep walking, schedules etc. It's wonderful!

The intimacy isn't lost at all, on the contrary, bed sharing is usually just morning breath and some one farting on your leg!

It's actually quite nice to get a cheeky message asking if I'm still awake. Or sneaking next door once the kids are in bed

[quote user1498572889]@Dogmum40
I will try the £5 with my DH. 😂😂[/quote]
You should! You’ll never have to fork out for wine again 😉 I get about a tenner a week on average 😜 so it helps to pay for a really good bottle with usually a pound or so spare for chocolate 😆 during these difficult times a separate income stream is most helpful

We sleep in separate rooms, although don’t have our own rooms if that makes sense. Daughter sleeps in with me. Means less disturbance all round thanks to his working hours. Really don’t want to go back to sharing a bed with him tbh. I value my sleep too much!!

Separate for years here. It only means less sex if you let it (wouldn't bother some people anyway)
I'm a light sleeping insomniac.
The tiniest thing wakes me up.
Much better now.

It's vital for us. DH works nights and I am not losing access to my bedroom all day because he needs to sleep. And I can then handle the kids without worrying about waking him.

It was an absolute must when buying our house that it had an office big enough for the bed.

Husband working shifts and ababy led to us having separate bedrooms . It was supposed to be temporary as I was a little sceptical at first but we never went back! Still very close so I don't feel it has affected us negatively. We are in our 30s.

We sleep separately; I’m in my 30s, dh in his 40s

Both get a good snooze, still have sex; still very affectionate- makes total sense to me