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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband on a stag do

87 replies

Nat90 · 19/03/2022 19:43

For 3 nights in Ireland
I’m heavily pregnant with our 2nd child
We have a 2 year old

It’s the 2nd night and I’m struggling looking after our toddler without any help
Do you think I should of pushed for him to go only the 1 or 2 nights?

OP posts:
RealBecca · 20/03/2022 15:54

I'd be putting my feet up, telly, walk, bath, playdough etc, give yourself and your toddler a mini holiday by just relaxing rather than planned fun.

BOOTS52 · 20/03/2022 16:02

Just try to take it easy and relax and snuggle up with your little daughter tomorrow and have a lazy day. When she naps have a nap yourself. Why are some people posting mean things and unhelpful things when obviously she is feeling abit overwhelmed and not looking to be made to feel worse by unkind or unhelpful comments. He will be back before you know it. Is your relationship good otherwise and does he help out and do his share. Do you feel emotionally supported by him. Be kind to yourself and rest those feet, potter about in garden if you have one with your little one. Big hugs and hope you are ok xx

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 20/03/2022 16:09

@PinkGinBigGrin

Make sure you go on a nice spa break with the girls as soon as you're able to OP.
Big tick on the mumsnet bingo card right there Grin

The spa break that next to know one ever goes on will solve any parenting inequality. Where do you get the girls and the money and the girls with money who all have the same free weekend as you and childcare at the same time?

Or were you being ironic Grin

PinkGinBigGrin · 20/03/2022 16:14

The spa break that next to know one ever goes on will solve any parenting inequality. Where do you get the girls and the money and the girls with money who all have the same free weekend as you and childcare at the same time?

Well actually I'm off on one next week - my dc's aren't babies anymore though. Surely not that hard to do, presuming you have some likeminded friends?

The horse has bolted now, OP has told her dh she's happy for him to go which in my view was a mistake. However I've never been in that situation fortunately as my dh would never have gone on a stag weekend (or even one night tbh) when ours were babies.

Coz he's quite nice and usually puts me and the dc's before himself.

whitewashing · 20/03/2022 16:31

@shabbalabba

"Can he give you a coupon of nights off once he's home?"

Jesus h Christ...really...a coupon!! Ffs @sunisblinding should she bow down a kiss his feet in return?

I thought that was a typo…’a couple of nights off’
Whatinthelord · 20/03/2022 16:39

He shouldn’t have gone. You shouldn’t have to ask him to stay or not go for so long. Be different if you were early stages of pregnancy but late stages AND with a toddler. He’s been selfish. Unless you strongly encouraged him to go and worked together to identify other support for you while he was away.

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 16:48

He's not at work though; he's off enjoying himself whilst she's struggling.

And OP agreed to him going. Not that a grown adult should need permission anyway. It's not like he suddenly decided to bugger off on a whim leaving OP on the back foot, she presumably has known for a while that he would be going.

And no. It's not like when they work away. That lasts weeks at a time, not 3 days. And you can't 'muddle through' for 2/3+ weeks when you're pregnant and have a couple more kids to look after. But you can for 3 days.

Everyone is entitled to have a moan about it obviously, and if OP is struggling then yeah fair enough, but it's also just for a couple of days not forever!

shabbalabba · 20/03/2022 16:49

@whitewashing I certainly hope so!!

whitewashing · 20/03/2022 17:04

Well, it sounds more likely than a ‘a coupon of nights off’ to me…

PinkSyCo · 20/03/2022 17:05

He's not at work. That's integral to OP's feelings. She's not complaining about being pregnant and looking after their child whilst he's working. That's because it's one thing muddling along through what is, for many, many women, a difficult time physically whilst your partner is doing what needs to be done and contributing. He's not at work though; he's off enjoying himself whilst she's struggling.

Yes but she’s going on about the physical struggles too, so asking how she manages while her DH is at work is a perfectly legitimate question. Her feelings are a totally different matter, and as she didn’t kick up a fuss when her arrangements were made for her DH to go to the stag do it’s a bit irrational to start complaining now.

Flyingskunk · 20/03/2022 21:03

Wow what a horrid lot. Every pregnancy is different so nobody can comment what you should be able to cope with. I felt brilliant with my first swimming everyday even the day I had him. BP on the floor with my second could pass out at anytime.
Also I’m sure you feel a bit vulnerable if there’s no one around to help you if there’s a problem.
I had a bleed while my husband was away and thank goodness my parents were there to care for my eldest and take me to the hospital.
As it happens baby came prematurely and he just managed to get a flight back in time.
If your husband is usually a decent bloke and you’re not too close to d day it’s not unreasonable but I totally understand how you feel.
Have you got a friend who can come round for a coffee or a mum you can meet for a play date x

Holskey · 20/03/2022 21:50

@PinkSyCo

He's not at work. That's integral to OP's feelings. She's not complaining about being pregnant and looking after their child whilst he's working. That's because it's one thing muddling along through what is, for many, many women, a difficult time physically whilst your partner is doing what needs to be done and contributing. He's not at work though; he's off enjoying himself whilst she's struggling.

Yes but she’s going on about the physical struggles too, so asking how she manages while her DH is at work is a perfectly legitimate question. Her feelings are a totally different matter, and as she didn’t kick up a fuss when her arrangements were made for her DH to go to the stag do it’s a bit irrational to start complaining now.

But I wasn't describing anyone who asked "how are you coping whilst your husband is at work?" as smug and mean. There's a huge difference between that and "well, I had to cope whilst my husband was away at work and I didn't complain". I paraphrase but there was no shortage of comments which implied or outright stated that OP has nothing to complain about, because many partners work. I don't know if you were one such poster, but if you were, I'm sure you know the difference.

I think it's obvious that OP is complaining about the physical difficulty she's managing specifically whilst her husband is away on holiday. If she was complaining about her husband going to work, I'd see your point. But she's not, so I don't.

I think I've explained this point to death now so good evening to you 🙂

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