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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband on a stag do

87 replies

Nat90 · 19/03/2022 19:43

For 3 nights in Ireland
I’m heavily pregnant with our 2nd child
We have a 2 year old

It’s the 2nd night and I’m struggling looking after our toddler without any help
Do you think I should of pushed for him to go only the 1 or 2 nights?

OP posts:
blockbustervideo · 19/03/2022 20:44

@Fizzgigg She's tired and heavily pregnant and toddlers can be testing at the best of times so she's gone onto a forum for, you know, other mums who might understand how she's feeling. So much for a bit of support or solidarity.

I'm not the only one saying this if you RTFT.

If a mother can't handle a few days on her own with one toddler it's a bit Hmm

I say this as someone with a 13m age gap and a DH who went back to work 2 days after DC2 was born.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 19/03/2022 20:46

[quote blockbustervideo]**@Fizzgigg She's tired and heavily pregnant and toddlers can be testing at the best of times so she's gone onto a forum for, you know, other mums who might understand how she's feeling. So much for a bit of support or solidarity.

I'm not the only one saying this if you RTFT.

If a mother can't handle a few days on her own with one toddler it's a bit Hmm

I say this as someone with a 13m age gap and a DH who went back to work 2 days after DC2 was born. [/quote]
Then you should have a bit more compassion for a heavily pregnant woman who is struggling a bit this weekend ffs.

ChoiceMummy · 19/03/2022 21:07

It's 3 nights only.
You're pregnant not incapacitated.
You're a mother, that's a choice you made and you seem to take issue with having to mother your child.
It also sounds as though you've made bad decisions about what to do with your child by going to soft play.
Tomorrow potter around, play in the garden, go for a scooter ride/walk, park, watch a film, play games... Enjoy this time with your only child before they're a sibling!

Fizzgigg · 19/03/2022 21:08

[quote blockbustervideo]**@Fizzgigg She's tired and heavily pregnant and toddlers can be testing at the best of times so she's gone onto a forum for, you know, other mums who might understand how she's feeling. So much for a bit of support or solidarity.

I'm not the only one saying this if you RTFT.

If a mother can't handle a few days on her own with one toddler it's a bit Hmm

I say this as someone with a 13m age gap and a DH who went back to work 2 days after DC2 was born. [/quote]
Well here's your little gold Star for being amazing. Of course OP can handle it. She's just having a moment and looking for some support and compassion or even a gentle head wobble. But you enjoy your smug little moment (along with the others who posted similar).

Broads93 · 19/03/2022 21:14

You come across as abit jealous tbh. Its a one off.

Original poster
Nat90 · 19/03/2022 21:16

@ChoiceMummy

It's 3 nights only. You're pregnant not incapacitated. You're a mother, that's a choice you made and you seem to take issue with having to mother your child. It also sounds as though you've made bad decisions about what to do with your child by going to soft play. Tomorrow potter around, play in the garden, go for a scooter ride/walk, park, watch a film, play games... Enjoy this time with your only child before they're a sibling!
Wow. 😂
OP posts:
catfunk · 19/03/2022 21:18

I'd say it's too late to kick off about it now - he's gone, let him have a good time and you'll survive for a couple of days.

Original poster
Nat90 · 19/03/2022 21:19

Thank you to all those who can relate and advised kindly.

Some other posters could of been much kinder but hey guess there’s some people out there with nothing better to do than make someone else feel worse than they already do but thank you for your input and have a lovely night 👍🏻

OP posts:
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 19/03/2022 21:24

@Nat90

Thank you to all those who can relate and advised kindly.

Some other posters could of been much kinder but hey guess there’s some people out there with nothing better to do than make someone else feel worse than they already do but thank you for your input and have a lovely night 👍🏻

Even if you came on and said you were sleeping on the streets and having to drag yourself over broken glass to entertain your child after your whole family got wiped out by a meteorite someone else would have had it worse on here 🤣🤣

I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you op, and I hope your dh brings you back a lovely present when he gets back Flowers

Darbs76 · 19/03/2022 21:25

A one off, it’s fine. We all need time away and a stag do is a good reason. I had plenty of breaks too when mine were little. Dad coped, and obviously so did I when he went away, which was a lot as his job takes him overseas for years at a time

Lou98 · 19/03/2022 21:27

I get it OP - I'm pregnant with our second and have a 10 month old, my Partner is also in Ireland this weekend with his friends. I'm also used to him working away - he works away 2/3 weeks at a time the rest of the year, honestly, I think that makes it easier as I'm used to doing it. If you're not used to doing it alone and are heavily pregnant then I can see why it's a struggle and I think posters are being a bit harsh saying you should be able to cope with a toddler for 3 days - of course but you're heavily pregnant and not everyone's pregnancies are the same.

Having said that - I do think YABU. It's one weekend and you agreed for him to go. There's no reason to think you're a pushover as it would have been unfair to tell him he couldn't go given that it's not every weekend and it is only 3 days.

Take it easy, your toddler will be absolutely fine spending a couple of days in the house

drawingpad · 19/03/2022 21:32

I know it’s a bit late now but I’m sitting here thinking god have I been a bit of a pushover by being like yeah sure go for 3 nights and get hammered every night, I’ll be fine.

I don't think that makes you a pushover, not as an isolated incident anyway. DH was away at a stag for 4 days when our second was just a week old. He was actively involved in raising the kids for the next 20 years (which is where we are at now - we haven't split) but if he has been taking the piss and never being involved in the day to day it would have been very different

Livelovebehappy · 19/03/2022 21:48

Just don’t try to be super mum, and stay at home chilling. It’s pretty nice weather this weekend for most of the country, so if you have a garden, wrap yourselves up, and spend time chilling in the garden. Helping plant stuff, making mud pies. Don’t feel pressured to ensure she’s entertained every minute of the day. Sit down with her in front of the tv watching CBeebies. It’s only for three days. Then next weekend is pay back time, and you can let him take your toddler out for a bit to give you some time to yourself.

Flickflak · 19/03/2022 21:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Hankunamatata · 19/03/2022 21:52

It's a stag do. Unless he is the type to party and stay away every month then yabu. You can feel a bit sorry for yourself but in grand scheme of things it's only 3 nights.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/03/2022 21:53

It's hard being heavily pregnant with a toddler but you are over the worst of it now, and lord knows I love having shit like this in the bank so I can have multiple weekends away guilt free.

Does he pull his weight when home? Do you get the chance to take trips away without him and dc?

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/03/2022 21:54

@sillysmiles

Couch, blanket movie and snacks. Don't try to be insta perfect and order yourself a take away
This! Whatever gets you through Flowers
Bearsar90 · 19/03/2022 22:00

You were feeling down.

That's completely reasonable and fine.

If you agreed with your husband the timing of the stag do you can't really back track. Just take it easy and relax...

If he pushed you into it, that's different, so talk about it when he's back. Don't drag him back or guilt him back..

Blossom64265 · 19/03/2022 22:01

Some pregnancies are harder and some toddlers are harder. No one else should judge if it was ok for him to make this trip or if you are right to be feeling overwhelmed.

You are tired and stuck in this situation while growing a human. That is all that matters at the moment. Relax your standards as much as possible and coast through the rest of this trip. When he returns hand him the toddler and go rest. Then take it easy for as many days as you need while he takes the parenting lead whenever possible until you feel like you are back to your normal.

DreamTheMoors · 19/03/2022 22:19

Look at the bright side, @Nat90.

Your OH will be home in a day or two — imagine how hard life is for military wives whose husbands are gone for months at a time. Some have to give birth while their husbands are away — and who have more than one child already.

Try to look at life as glass half full. A couple of days is really no big deal in the scheme of things.

Keep smiling. ❤️

NotRightNowPlease · 19/03/2022 22:45

You’ve got this!

Not so ‘d’ h left me when I was 5 months pregnant with number 4. 11 year old, 7 year old and 7 month old. We all survived despite it being an awful time.

Make sure you put a weekend off in the bank for after the baby’s born!

cherish123 · 19/03/2022 23:53

No. It's only 3 nights. You're an adult. Single parents have 365 days per year on their own.

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/03/2022 23:53

Unless you are poorly I don't understand why you are struggling. Single mums do this every day Confused

SmellyOldOwls · 19/03/2022 23:58

Usually behind a question like this there's more when you dig deeper down. If he's often unhelpful and you're scared how you're going to cope with two while he buggers off on his jollies ...YANBU.

oioimatey · 20/03/2022 00:01

Get him to give you a nice foot rub when he's back! It's super tiring, you have my sympathy.