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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband on a stag do

87 replies

Nat90 · 19/03/2022 19:43

For 3 nights in Ireland
I’m heavily pregnant with our 2nd child
We have a 2 year old

It’s the 2nd night and I’m struggling looking after our toddler without any help
Do you think I should of pushed for him to go only the 1 or 2 nights?

OP posts:
Boxowine · 20/03/2022 00:13

Yeah, I’d be resentful. What can’t people just go out for a night? I honestly don’t understand how people in the having young children stage of life think that their friends can drop everything for days at a time to go off celebrating just because someone is getting married. Isn’t one night sufficient?

soootiredddd · 20/03/2022 05:00

Sorry OP I don’t know if this helps or not but I don’t think my DH would have dreamed of going away at 37 weeks. What if you go into labour and he misses the birth? Who is going to have your toddler? 37 weeks would really not be that unusual for a second baby. That is what would make me most nervous.

I agree you should rest today mainly to ensure you don’t bring on early labour! And I kind of agree with a pp that soft play was perhaps a slightly ambitious plan. They’re hell on earth at the best of times let alone when you’re pregnant (I saw this as someone who nearly got trapped in a tunnel last week at fucking jungle monkeys and I’m not even pregnant).

So yes I do think you’ve been a pushover. If my DH had said “oh do you mind if I go on a stag do on X weekend” at your stage I would have said “are you joking, I will be 37 weeks, yes of course I mind”. But he wouldn’t have even asked I don’t think. Maybe that makes me a horrendous wife 😂

But anyway now it’s done I agree you should just chill and fill the toddler with snacks and tv and maybe play in the garden etc until he’s home. Then go for a long bath.

soootiredddd · 20/03/2022 05:04

Ok I’ve just looked back and I’ve no idea where I got 37 weeks from I see you haven’t actually stated how far along you are! Sorry. Maybe a previous thread. Or maybe it’s 5am and my brain doesn’t work properly at this hour.

Either way, unless you’re 15 weeks or something (which I assume not as you say “heavily pregnant” by which I think you mean 7 months+?) then my answer would be the same. I’d have said no.

Pawtriarchal · 20/03/2022 05:06

[quote blockbustervideo]**@Fizzgigg She's tired and heavily pregnant and toddlers can be testing at the best of times so she's gone onto a forum for, you know, other mums who might understand how she's feeling. So much for a bit of support or solidarity.

I'm not the only one saying this if you RTFT.

If a mother can't handle a few days on her own with one toddler it's a bit Hmm

I say this as someone with a 13m age gap and a DH who went back to work 2 days after DC2 was born. [/quote]
🥱

TeenyQueen · 20/03/2022 05:35

Going against the grain here. Dh was invited to a stag do on the other side of the country, I'm pretty much full term and we have a toddler. He chose not to go at all, I didn't put pressure on him but he knew that I would struggle physically being on my own for several days and he chose to stay at home. He did go on a work trip a month ago for 2 nights but we'd agreed on that previously and I wasn't quite so close to my due date and toddler went to nursery during the day.

mcplant · 20/03/2022 06:06

I'm sure it is tough. I've been there when DH grandfather died and I was alone with a 3yo & 6month old. We couldn't go out as 3 year old had just started potty training & I didn't want to delay further. Lots of books, colouring in, play doh etc so you can sit at the same time. Eat more simply or ready meals for a few days.

DH is off on a stag in a few weeks and I'm dreading it. Kids are a bit older 4/2 but doesn't take away from it being hard work especially if there's no one to give you a break.

Take it hour by hour & get yourself a chocolate bar to enjoy when DC is in bed tonight

Moodycow78 · 20/03/2022 06:22

You're lovely for letting him go at all 😆😆 DH and I made an agreement for no solo overnight trips for either of us until the kids are older as neither of us can bear being alone with them for more than an hour so well done you. He'll be back soon and maybe next time one or two nights would be best xx

BeHappy91818 · 20/03/2022 06:41

@ChoiceMummy

It's 3 nights only. You're pregnant not incapacitated. You're a mother, that's a choice you made and you seem to take issue with having to mother your child. It also sounds as though you've made bad decisions about what to do with your child by going to soft play. Tomorrow potter around, play in the garden, go for a scooter ride/walk, park, watch a film, play games... Enjoy this time with your only child before they're a sibling!
I agree with this. It’s a few nights. Get a grip.
BeHappy91818 · 20/03/2022 06:43

@Moodycow78

You're lovely for letting him go at all 😆😆 DH and I made an agreement for no solo overnight trips for either of us until the kids are older as neither of us can bear being alone with them for more than an hour so well done you. He'll be back soon and maybe next time one or two nights would be best xx
How embarrassing admitting you can’t bear to handle your own child on your own.
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 20/03/2022 06:59

@Moodycow78

You're lovely for letting him go at all 😆😆 DH and I made an agreement for no solo overnight trips for either of us until the kids are older as neither of us can bear being alone with them for more than an hour so well done you. He'll be back soon and maybe next time one or two nights would be best xx
Are you being funny or trying to make the OP feel better? You can't bear to be alone with your own children for an hour? How does that work in day to day life, do you never go out alone?
Moodycow78 · 20/03/2022 07:15

Not embarrassed at all, love them to bits and there's more than one but they're bloody hard work for many reasons.

Lou98 · 20/03/2022 07:26

@Moodycow78

You're lovely for letting him go at all 😆😆 DH and I made an agreement for no solo overnight trips for either of us until the kids are older as neither of us can bear being alone with them for more than an hour so well done you. He'll be back soon and maybe next time one or two nights would be best xx

You can't be with your kids alone for more than an hour? Do you and your DH never go anywhere separately for more than an hour?

Not sure if your post was meant to be reassuring or not but the fact neither you or your DH can handle your own kids for more than an hour alone is quite sad

collieresponder88 · 20/03/2022 07:31

@Moodycow78

Not embarrassed at all, love them to bits and there's more than one but they're bloody hard work for many reasons.
How does either of you work then if you can't be alone with your children ?
SmellyOldOwls · 20/03/2022 09:03

@Boxowine

Yeah, I’d be resentful. What can’t people just go out for a night? I honestly don’t understand how people in the having young children stage of life think that their friends can drop everything for days at a time to go off celebrating just because someone is getting married. Isn’t one night sufficient?
Mad isn't it. And as for the money it costs that could be spent on your family. Not that parents should never have a night out or away from their kids, you shouldn't sacrifice everything for them, but 3 sodding nights while the rest of the family sit at home is ridiculously self indulgent.
WalkingOnTheCracks · 20/03/2022 12:56

@Nat90

Thank you to all those who can relate and advised kindly.

Some other posters could of been much kinder but hey guess there’s some people out there with nothing better to do than make someone else feel worse than they already do but thank you for your input and have a lovely night 👍🏻

I don't think you can ask whether you're being unreasonable and then say that anyone who says that you are is unkind.

I mean, why didn't you just make it "AIBU to think that anyone who doesn't agree with me is not very nice?"

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 13:08

I don't think you can ask whether you're being unreasonable and then say that anyone who says that you are is unkind.

I mean, why didn't you just make it "AIBU to think that anyone who doesn't agree with me is not very nice?"

I agree. It's always the same on AIBU though, no one wants you to tell them they're being unreasonable and if you do then you're mean 😂

DiamondBright · 20/03/2022 13:14

I agree those saying take it easy, there's no need to be out doing activities.

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2022 13:17

@Nat90

Thank you to all those who can relate and advised kindly.

Some other posters could of been much kinder but hey guess there’s some people out there with nothing better to do than make someone else feel worse than they already do but thank you for your input and have a lovely night 👍🏻

Well, quite.

Just because they coped with no problem (wonder how they really felt at the time?) no one deserves any sympathy.

Maybe we should start thinking that maybe the father should be around a bit more (from a leisure pov). As he can't do the growing the baby part, maybe he needs to do more of the rest?

PinkSyCo · 20/03/2022 13:31

Just finding entertaining her all day/trying to squeeze through soft play/general walking/chasing after her is very difficult

How do you manage to do these things while your DH is at work?

Holskey · 20/03/2022 14:18

My dp has two stag trips planned for when I'm 35-37 weeks (just bad timing). Our ds will be almost 2. I completely understand both why you allowed him to go and why it sucks for you. Looking after a little one and being heavily pregnant isn't easy, so if you're doing that whilst your partner is off enjoying himself stress free, of course you feel put out. You are put out! I'd expect him to make it up to you.

(Ignore the smug mean girls here - of course it's different than if he were away at work. He's not working!)

PinkSyCo · 20/03/2022 15:25

Ignore the smug mean girls here - of course it's different than if he were away at work. He's not working!)

How is it smug or mean to enquire as to how OP manages soft play etc while her DH’s at work?Confused

Holskey · 20/03/2022 15:45

@PinkSyCo

Ignore the smug mean girls here - of course it's different than if he were away at work. He's not working!)

How is it smug or mean to enquire as to how OP manages soft play etc while her DH’s at work?Confused

He's not at work. That's integral to OP's feelings. She's not complaining about being pregnant and looking after their child whilst he's working. That's because it's one thing muddling along through what is, for many, many women, a difficult time physically whilst your partner is doing what needs to be done and contributing. He's not at work though; he's off enjoying himself whilst she's struggling.
PinkGinBigGrin · 20/03/2022 15:46

Make sure you go on a nice spa break with the girls as soon as you're able to OP.

TabithaTittlemouse · 20/03/2022 15:52

I don’t think you should have asked him to shorten his trip but I also think it’s ok and perfectly normal that you are struggling.
We don’t have to enjoy being heavily pregnant and looking after a toddler! You don’t get a ‘best mum’ badge for not having a moan.

It does get easier!

shabbalabba · 20/03/2022 15:54

"Can he give you a coupon of nights off once he's home?"

Jesus h Christ...really...a coupon!! Ffs @sunisblinding should she bow down a kiss his feet in return?