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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being called "Debs"

162 replies

ValerieCupcake · 18/03/2022 13:45

We have had a new director appointed. She is I assume named Deborah, but calls herself Debs.

AIBU to feel I would be taken less seriously by using this as my name in a high level professional role? I think it is too "Twee And Cutesy"!

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 18/03/2022 15:34

You sound jealous

canicross · 18/03/2022 15:36

Your name is Deborah (Deborah)
It never suited ya....

Stuck in my brain now!

possibly showing my age Grin

Original poster
ValerieCupcake · 18/03/2022 15:40

@Beees

Can we not have a debate with being accused of being "jellus"?

Its not really a debate though is it because your entire argument falls down in your own first sentence. Confused

Why does it? No idea what you mean. A lot of assumptions have been made that I am jealous envious. Nobody knows what my role is, do you? Actually, Debs has nothing to do with me or my role and has no impact.

However, looks like I am in good company here.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2417512/People-use-shortened-versions-names-appealing-opposite-sex.html

The reason I posted this is:

a) Seen posts talking about shortened nicknames like Liz, Bob, Rob etc. It's those with an S on the end - usually applied to a woman - that annoy me intensely. Debs, Nats, Ems. That's my personal annoyance and so what! I wouldn't tell anyone using that short form that it annoyed me. Their choice. But also my choice not to like it.

b) On several assertiveness programmes I have been on we have been told not to do this as it makes you look less professional when women strive to be taken seriously. Maggie Thatcher was not known as Mags.

It's silly to pick on my user name. I don't have Valerie Cupcake on my office door.

OP posts:
Original poster
ValerieCupcake · 18/03/2022 15:41

@SarahBellam

Her name was Deborah (Deborah) It never suited her.

Nothing wrong with a Debs.

Oh Deborah, you look like a zebra ...
OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 15:42

It’s not much of a debate though, is it?

Debs for Deborah is pretty unremarkable in middle-aged women (born 70s).

If you were Val Cupcakes do you think people would take you less seriously?

sherbertdib · 18/03/2022 15:42

Is it April Fools day already?

luxxlisbon · 18/03/2022 15:43

Only by you apparently.

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 15:44

Maggie Thatcher was not known as Mags.

But her actual name is Margaret and 'Maggie' isn't the most professional of names but here you are, using her as an example of a woman in a senior position, 32 years on.

catscatscatseverywhere · 18/03/2022 15:44

Meh. I call my boss Andy. He could be my father and he's very serious businessman.

dottydodah · 18/03/2022 15:45

I seem to remember Deborah Meaden being most affronted when called "Debs" in a Dragons Den episode! I agree in a professional role you would expect a more formal greeting ,However if your lady wishes for this name the thats up to her I guess ,She feels comfortable with it . As others have said it hasnt held her back at all.

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 15:46

That's my personal annoyance and so what! I wouldn't tell anyone using that short form that it annoyed me. Their choice. But also my choice not to like it.

Crack on.
But you asked AIBU to feel I would be taken less seriously by using this as my name in a high level professional role?
And everyone said errr, why would you think that when the evidence of Director Debs suggests otherwise?

If you’re just express a personal preference it’s not a debate.

luxxlisbon · 18/03/2022 15:46

On several assertiveness programmes I have been on we have been told not to do this as it makes you look less professional

Maybe you need a course teaching you not to make assumptions on people’s character, work ethic or professionalism based on their name alone?

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 15:47

So, just to clarify, Deb is OK? Debbie is OK? Just not Debs?

Purpleavocado · 18/03/2022 15:48

I can't help but think the assertiveness programs you went on were a little old school. I'd imagine them advising you to 'dress for your next role' etc. It's okay for women (and men) to be taken seriously, without having a severe haircut and serious name, as long as they do their job well.

MasterBeth · 18/03/2022 15:50

It’s a ridiculous and arbitrary distinction to believe Deb or Debbie is OK but Debs is beyond the pale.

balalake · 18/03/2022 15:51

Your feelings, not your situation. Debs presumably does not mind.

At least her parents gave her a sensible name. Not like Moon Unit Zappa or Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof.

AgathaMystery · 18/03/2022 15:51

Good luck to Debs, whoever you are! With a colleague like OP you’ll need it.

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 18/03/2022 15:53

Please grow up. I am not jealous. That is such a boring old chestnut. Can we not have a debate with being accused of being "jellus"?

And the correct term is actually envious.

Why have you written "jellus" in quotation marks? No one has written that. And jealous is, in fact, correctly used by me and others. I did not actually mean envious.

Jealous

adjective
feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 15:53

@Purpleavocado

I can't help but think the assertiveness programs you went on were a little old school. I'd imagine them advising you to 'dress for your next role' etc. It's okay for women (and men) to be taken seriously, without having a severe haircut and serious name, as long as they do their job well.
I have to agree with this. Hopefully Debs picks up on this too and starts employing more modern course leaders.
Gowithme · 18/03/2022 15:55

How can you have a serious debate with someone who says things like 'jellus'

I also had to laugh when you said Margaret Thatcher wasn't known as Mags - no she was known as Maggie, how is that better/worse? Or is it just down to your personal bugbear with NN's ending in s? Not really an valid argument in that case.

Your argument over jealous/envious is ridiculous too - this from the dictionary:
While many people believe that jealous means fearing someone will take what you have, and envious means desiring what someone else has, historical usage shows that both mean "covetous" and are interchangeable when describing desiring someone else's possessions.

Did they also tell you to wear lipstick and high heels on your course 'to impress?'

WhackingPhoenix · 18/03/2022 15:55

Is her house very small?

Original poster
ValerieCupcake · 18/03/2022 15:56

@PoxyAndIKnowIt

Please grow up. I am not jealous. That is such a boring old chestnut. Can we not have a debate with being accused of being "jellus"?

And the correct term is actually envious.

Why have you written "jellus" in quotation marks? No one has written that. And jealous is, in fact, correctly used by me and others. I did not actually mean envious.

Jealous

adjective
feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

That's interesting Poxy, I have always been taught envious is wanting what someone else has, being resentful of that. Jealous being jealously guarding what you have so nobody takes it away.
OP posts:
Avocadobacardi · 18/03/2022 15:57

Possibly one of the maddest posts ever that someone with a completely normal and not unusual nickname won’t be taken seriously in the professional world except she already has been as she’s the director. Bizarre

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 18/03/2022 15:59

@ValsCupcake this thread is not going well for you

itssunnytoday · 18/03/2022 16:00

Not if debs is her name? Lol weird