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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not forgive and forget aibu

74 replies

Yumyumcakes · 17/03/2022 20:47

Name change as this is outing but 4 friends a,b,c and myself. Friend a younger early mid 20s unmarried and child free, b married 3 children c married 2 children and myself married 2 children.

Friend bs child is the oldest, then friend c then mine. During her pregnancy with child, friend c made a lot of comments to b that a and I were jealous of her, her husband and her pregnancy. Neither of us were ttc, I’d made the mistake of telling my friends I suffer from endometriosis (mildly) luckily so ttc might be hard. When baby was born, a and I spent hundreds on clothes and bits, you know how it is. It then came out that her husband accused us of jinxing them with our jealousy as she had a rough delivery and baby was jaundiced. She then told b that she needed time away from us as the jealousy was too much and wouldn’t show pictures of the baby on social media because we’d get jealous and b was under clear instructions not to forward any photos she sent her. To be crystal clear I was not ttc this entire time, in fact far from it as I’d just started a new job and a had just left an abusive relationship.

But the belief I was jealous still persisted, we closed on houses within weeks of each other (unbeknownst to me as we’d stopped speaking) but this was framed as jealousy and copying as was conceiving dc2. I’d have thought c just doesn’t like me and a much but now she’s desperately trying to meet up And I just don’t much fancy it. My suspicion behind the reason is I have 2 kids now too so won’t be jealous of her kids, but I hate this line of thinking. I found that whole mentality incredibly juvenile, her husband had made some v unpleasant comments about my ‘cursing them’ and I asked her about it and she just brushed it off as him being silly so if she felt some sort of way she’s had chance to say. I get people change and grow up as years have gone by but equally I don’t think I want to be friends with someone who thinks people are jealous of them. I love to see my friends happy however that is.

Plus even though I wasn’t ttc I dislike the whole othering mentality of someone struggling with fertility like they are so hateful that they can’t possibly be happy for you to the extent they’d jinx it for you.

I’ve probably explained this terribly but
Yabu- give the friendship another chance
Yanbu- I wouldn’t really want to rekindle that friendship either

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 17/03/2022 21:33

YANBU.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/03/2022 21:36

Sounds exhausting.

GeneLovesJezebel · 17/03/2022 21:38

She sounds like a real bitch. I’d absolutely ignore her.

Tamworth123 · 17/03/2022 21:39

I have never seen 100% before Shock.

LadyMaid · 17/03/2022 21:39

I would take a clean break from Mr and Mrs Crazy.

Tamworth123 · 17/03/2022 21:40

They sound toxic.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 17/03/2022 21:40

Life is too short

Tamworth123 · 17/03/2022 21:40

He sounds batshit.

drpet49 · 17/03/2022 21:41

* It then came out that her husband accused us of jinxing them with our jealousy as she had a rough delivery and baby was jaundiced.*

^What? He sounds crazy. Step away from these idiots

ManateeFair · 17/03/2022 21:41

C is mad as a jar of wasps and so is her husband. Absolutely mental. Run a mile.

billy1966 · 17/03/2022 21:43

Toxic batshittery.

Avoid completely, permanently.

DeathByMascara · 17/03/2022 21:43

Life is too short. Bin them.

Original poster
Yumyumcakes · 17/03/2022 21:45

@drpet49

* It then came out that her husband accused us of jinxing them with our jealousy as she had a rough delivery and baby was jaundiced.*

^What? He sounds crazy. Step away from these idiots

The jinx thing was the evil eye, you know that someone wants what you have so much that the jinx you through their jealousy.
OP posts:
ElegantlyTouched · 17/03/2022 21:47

I wouldn't be able to trust them. What issues are they going to bring up in the future?

Peachtoiletpaper · 17/03/2022 21:48

No way. They both sound bonkers. Utterly bizarre behaviour, essentially blaming you for their baby having jaundice? I would be crossing the road if I saw them

Nothingsfine · 17/03/2022 21:49

Nope

Original poster
Yumyumcakes · 17/03/2022 21:49

Thanks all!

It honestly at the time made me feel so awful being treated like this wisened, baren old hag that when dh and I did want children I was terrified it wasn’t going to happen so I started researching ivf and making appointments at clinics- that’s how much it got into my head. Utterly stupid now but I clearly internalised that narrative

OP posts:
Original poster
Yumyumcakes · 17/03/2022 21:52

@ElegantlyTouched

I wouldn't be able to trust them. What issues are they going to bring up in the future?
That’s pretty much it… we’re sticking at 2 kids but if they have a third will I be jealous again curse them into getting a flat tyre or a burst pipe. He’s a very ‘go forth and multiply’ kind of guy ‘lots of children prove my virility and fertility and this manhood’
OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 17/03/2022 22:01

Friends are people who are nice to you. This couple were actively nasty - why would you even consider getting caught up on all that again?

Original poster
Yumyumcakes · 17/03/2022 22:06

@ImAvingOops

Friends are people who are nice to you. This couple were actively nasty - why would you even consider getting caught up on all that again?
Friend b is convinced c has changed and it was all her husband getting in her head. She’s been on at me to give her another chance for a while and how much she misses the days when the 4 of us would hang out and have our group chat etc.

Tbh I sort of miss it too, but the friendship would never be the same, I’d find it too uncomfortable

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 17/03/2022 22:15

You can have a better life without odd ball people in it. Its weird to hear about stupid situations like this on here.

Fernandina · 17/03/2022 22:21

I get the distinct impression that a meet-up isn't going to go all that well. It might be all right at the time, but you can bet your bottom dollar there will be some sort of toxic aftermath.

tkwal · 17/03/2022 22:24

Life's too short and your time with your family is too precious. I wouldn't give her head space but if she happens to be there when you're with another friend just be cool and polite

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/03/2022 22:29

"Friend b is convinced c has changed and it was all her husband getting in her head. She’s been on at me to give her another chance for a while and how much she misses the days when the 4 of us would hang out and have our group chat etc."
B might very well miss the old days, but she needs to reconcile with the fact that the past is past, and it ain't coming back. C made sure of that with her nonsensical shenanigans. It's isn't all down to her fuckwitted husband, she played her part too.

"I’d have thought c just doesn’t like me and a much but now she’s desperately trying to meet up And I just don’t much fancy it."
Has B given you any reason why C wants to meet up? Also - does C "desperately" want to meet - or is this B trying to get things back to how they were for her own comfort? She wasn't on the receiving end of C's accusations of jealousy and jinxing, I don't know if she can fully comprehend how hurtful C's behaviour was.

I might be inclined to meet with C once - to give her that chance to apologise. Rekindling a friendship so trashed by C's behaviour - not so much.

Ourlady · 17/03/2022 22:33

They both sound bloody crackers. Who says things like she’s jinxed us… it’s just crazy and if my husband said something like that I would be dragging him off to the doctor.
I wouldn’t trust that she would be normal towards you. She obviously has some deep rooted problem.