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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women would prefer to be on a single-sex ward as hospital in patients?

323 replies

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/03/2022 15:19

This was debated in the House of Lords in the early hours today.

I'm not up to speed on this so I don't know how many single-sex wards there are in the NHS. I know it's been promised again and again but for various reasons, mostly I expect to do with money, it doesn't always happen. Now there's the additional headache of trans-identifying patients to factor in, many of whom won't have made many (or any) changes to their bodies.

My hunch is that most of us (male and female), given the choice, would prefer to be in a single-sex ward when stuck in bed with a flimsy gown on and all sorts of undignified and painful things going on with our bodies.

Am I right?

YABU - who cares, mixed sex is fine
YANBU - yes, I would prefer hospital wards to be single-sex

OP posts:
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6
ISpyCobraKai · 17/03/2022 16:12

As someone who has needed inpatient treatment frequently I can safely say I'd be utterly horrified to be in a mixed sex ward.
People with penises are not women and quite frankly they can GTFO of my space when I need care.

Itsnotover · 17/03/2022 16:13

YANBU. No way do I want to be on a ward with men.

EmpressCixi · 17/03/2022 16:13

Ive been in hospital a few times and honestly did not care. I was either in too much pain or too high on morphine to register who was around me on other beds. I didn’t socialise with anyone.

I’ve always been allowed to bring my own track suit bottoms and t shirt or tank top to wear under my gown (or my DH has brought them in/dropped them off for me) - are there hospitals that force you to only wear their gown? Didn’t think they existed any more.

I realise I am in the minority so voted YANBU because I think most British women and men do prefer single sex bays or wards. We have a culture that is well known for strictly avoiding any hint of nudity between sexes inherited from Victorian times.

streamee · 17/03/2022 16:14

When I had my first child (St George's Tooting), husbands and partners were allowed to stay the whole time including overnight.

When I had my second child (York Hospital), husbands and partners had to adhere to strict visiting hours. Much, much better! Yes I was on my own, but I didn't have to worry about getting up for the loo etc in front of six strange men.

GabriellaMontez · 17/03/2022 16:15

@SevenWaystoLeave

Why are the feelings of trans people important to you but the feelings of women are not?

I am a woman. The fact is, no one gets their exact ideal when it comes to a hospital stay, there is always an element lack of dignity/privacy unless you are in a private room. It's not very nice, and I'm sure lots of people end up sharing with others they're not entirely comfortable with - but when you remember some people aren't comfortable sharing a ward with people of a different race or ethnicity to themselves, someone who's a drug user or an offender, someone who's illness makes them disruptive, someone whose sexuality they don't approve of etc, you see why it's not reasonable to say patients can always pick and choose who they share with. Everyone in there is sick and vulnerable, at the end of the day. If you really need to be able to dictate who is sick and vulnerable next to you, go private.

Untrue waffle.

An attempt to conflate racism with the need for single sex wards.

And typically some people are very poorly, elderly, confused, vulnerable... Others may be awaiting discharge.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 17/03/2022 16:17

I was going home seven hours after an emergency section (yes I could walk) because they allowed men 24 hour access to the ward and my ptsd couldn't cope.

They found me a private room.
Not sure I could stand mixed sex wards.

lifeturnsonadime · 17/03/2022 16:18

I’ve always been allowed to bring my own track suit bottoms and t shirt or tank top to wear under my gown (or my DH has brought them in/dropped them off for me) - are there hospitals that force you to only wear their gown? Didn’t think they existed any more

Depends on what you are in hospital for. My last admission was for a traumatic injury during covid. I had to be cut out of the clothes on the lower part of my body. I could only wear a gown for the first 24 hours and had to use bed pans and have bed baths for the first few days.

I would have felt that my dignity and safety wasn't being protected if there had been men, however they identify, on the same ward.

MedusasBadHairDay · 17/03/2022 16:19

@streamee

When I had my first child (St George's Tooting), husbands and partners were allowed to stay the whole time including overnight.

When I had my second child (York Hospital), husbands and partners had to adhere to strict visiting hours. Much, much better! Yes I was on my own, but I didn't have to worry about getting up for the loo etc in front of six strange men.

I know I used to try to limit how often I went to the loo when I was in hospital as I felt weirdly exposed waking out of my bay in my pyjamas (or the gown if I was unlucky enough to be admitted in a rush), and I've been lucky (!?) in that all my stays have been gynae related so just women on the ward.
Original poster
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/03/2022 16:21

I'm so glad I had my children at a time when partners definitely weren't allowed to stay on the postnatal ward overnight. It's a loooooong time ago, but as far as I can recall they were allowed in most of the day, but not overnight, although that may have been relaxed for a woman or baby who was very ill. It was difficult enough to sleep at night anyway.

OP posts:
EasterChimney · 17/03/2022 16:23

@SevenWaystoLeave

Why are the feelings of trans people important to you but the feelings of women are not?

I am a woman. The fact is, no one gets their exact ideal when it comes to a hospital stay, there is always an element lack of dignity/privacy unless you are in a private room. It's not very nice, and I'm sure lots of people end up sharing with others they're not entirely comfortable with - but when you remember some people aren't comfortable sharing a ward with people of a different race or ethnicity to themselves, someone who's a drug user or an offender, someone who's illness makes them disruptive, someone whose sexuality they don't approve of etc, you see why it's not reasonable to say patients can always pick and choose who they share with. Everyone in there is sick and vulnerable, at the end of the day. If you really need to be able to dictate who is sick and vulnerable next to you, go private.

Your ignorance is staggering. Our right to single sex spaces, particularly when at our most vulnerable, is not the same as some people's inherent bigotry/racism/other prejudice. How do you not know the difference? There is no picking a choosing here, it's eliminating risk. Yes, from men whilst we are asleep.
Proudboomer · 17/03/2022 16:26

@EmpressCixi

Ive been in hospital a few times and honestly did not care. I was either in too much pain or too high on morphine to register who was around me on other beds. I didn’t socialise with anyone.

I’ve always been allowed to bring my own track suit bottoms and t shirt or tank top to wear under my gown (or my DH has brought them in/dropped them off for me) - are there hospitals that force you to only wear their gown? Didn’t think they existed any more.

I realise I am in the minority so voted YANBU because I think most British women and men do prefer single sex bays or wards. We have a culture that is well known for strictly avoiding any hint of nudity between sexes inherited from Victorian times.

Well lucky you but last time I was in hospital I couldn’t even get a pair of pants on let alone trackie bottoms. It is not a matter if you are allowed to wear your own clothes as I am sure you are but for many in hospital they can’t physically cover up with clothing that would make them feel less vulnerable
DoWhatYouLike · 17/03/2022 16:26

YANBU at all. I had the misfortune to be inhospital for 6 weeks last year, and I would've hated having male patients on the ward. I had male nurses, which I managed to cope with (I had to be washed and dressed, which was embarrassing but absolutely necessary so I had no choice)

CheesyWeez · 17/03/2022 16:27

I had a family member in a psychiatric hospital and she was woken at night by a man trying to bite her neck. When she mentions her time in hospital this is what she remembers.
She definitely wants women-only wards for her care
and so do I.

AuntyBumBum · 17/03/2022 16:29

Most people would prefer a private room with cocktails served daily at 6pm.

Speakeasy22 · 17/03/2022 16:29

I would 100% prefer same sex wards of actual women. And I would prefer a small ward to a single room which is what I have been in twice in the last few years. If you are completely immobile, you feel very vulnerable in a single room. I had several instances of men wandering into my room. Just confused and no bad intention but still a very unnerving experience when you are in a bed and can't move.

EmpressCixi · 17/03/2022 16:30

@Proudboomer
The nurses dressed me? Massive assumption that I was dressing myself.

GodspeedJune · 17/03/2022 16:31

Thank you for your kind message Chasingaftermidnight Flowers

This is my first baby, so all new to me. I’ll try to muster up the courage to talk to the midwife about it.

TheOriginalEmu · 17/03/2022 16:32

Personally I don’t care, in that I don’t really want any strangers seeing my body and what not, regardless of them being male or female.

Proudboomer · 17/03/2022 16:35

[quote EmpressCixi]@Proudboomer
The nurses dressed me? Massive assumption that I was dressing myself.[/quote]
Massive assumption that others would be able to be wear trackies even if someone was there to dress them.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 17/03/2022 16:37

Women absolutely have the right to single sex spaces under the Equality Act, and are not in any way unreasonable to expect their rights to be upheld.

I have asked to be moved during a hospital stay as I am not allowed to have my cubicle curtains closed overnight and have to have bed rails up. It is a horrible feeling of being trapped. It is definitely reasonable to expect not to be essentially confined to a space with men present, at a very vulnerable time. Especially given how over worked the staff are, and the delays in call buttons being answered (not holding staff responsible for this situation at all).

I will sure as fuck stand up for my rights and encourage all women to do the same, and feel supported doing so. If you personally don't have a problem with men being present, that's entirely your choice but don't tell other women they have to sacrifice their rights.

HelenWick · 17/03/2022 16:41

I left hospital against medical advice as I was so anxious on a mixed sex ward. One of the men was quite agitated and roaming around, another was shouting on his mobile, it was really unnerving.

VaulterTech · 17/03/2022 16:41

I had a stay in hospital and was on a mixed sex ward for the first couple of days. Man next to me and one opposite me. One man got out of bed and did a wee at the end of my bed. Not aggressively, he was clearly v unwell, but still not ideal.

MrsBrodie · 17/03/2022 16:41

@AuntyBumBum

Most people would prefer a private room with cocktails served daily at 6pm.
My mum preferred her single side-room so she could die with dignity and privacy.
EasterChimney · 17/03/2022 16:43

@MrsBrodie It really is that simple isn't it. I'm sorry about your mum.

MrsBrodie · 17/03/2022 16:44

At one point in my mum's hospital stay, a man had to spend one night in a room with five women. Both sexes were very uncomfortable for the whole time.

I'm not sure how I would feel but I can imagine there are women from all walks of life who need single-sex rooms or wards.