Height issues as an adult-Petite

[Mindmatters668]

It’s recently come to my attention that I think I have issues with my height!!
I’m 5ft and weight 8 stone and 36 years old. I’m the same height as my friends 12 year old daughter.

I do look like an adult though, when I’m out and about and kids are running around people say “mind the lady” etc, so I don’t look childish in my face.

I would like to become more independent in my life, go places alone, travel around the U.K. but for some reason I have it in my head I’m extremely vulnerable on the basis I’m small and petite!!
I don’t know what it is I think would happen, but I sometimes get scared of actually doing the things I want to do because I’m the same statistics as a bloody 12 year old! I suppose I also do get scared like a child would, I suppose sometimes I actually feel like a child and why I can’t go off and do things on my own, because a young child wouldn’t do them things. I can hear this sounds mental!

Is there other petite ladies who go off travelling by themselves or go out late and night to take the dog through the woods and it doesn’t phase them? Does your height bother you?

Am I being stupid or is this some kind of valid concern?

@Calandor

Also you seem to be equating size with age. You're not a 12 year old. Children can't do things like solo travels, walking home in the dark because they're children - because their brains aren't mature enough to assess risk, make quick decisions or know what to do in an emergency. Not because they're little.

Your size doesn't dictate your capability or risk.

100 percent. A 12 year old can’t do certain things because of their age and maturity levels, their ability to manage different situations and take personal responsibility . It’s nothing to do with their size and everything to do with they are a child and because of that they are at very different risk to grown adults. You seem to be confusing the two.

Could you be experiencing (for want of a better term) some physical confidence issues, or fears about street crime?

Could you try Thai boxing or martial arts (for fun!) but also to give you a little more physical confidence in (the very unlikely event) you encountered or were out in fear of a physical assault?

I won’t start a debate on whether it should be up to women to consider self defence. I would say it is not illegal to carry or use a rape alarm or dye spray. Pepper spray is illegal however.

www.amazon.co.uk/s/?hvlocphy=1006736&hvptwo&hvnetw=g&keywords=dye+spray+self+defense&hvadid=578556298697&index=aps&hvpone&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgfGyzYzL9gIVVuDtCh3AbgQ_EAAYASAAEgI4IfD_BwE&ref=pd_sl_80tb0olvyi_e&hvlocint&hydadcr=17320_2154977&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&hvtargid=kwd-1104745653992&adgrpid=120866538140&hvrand=11508857741264387929

You have an issue that isn't about your height, but which you've linked to it.

I'm your height, and I backpack independently and alone, all around the world. I do everything and more that any average person of my age would do, whether they be under 5' or over 6'.

I would get some counselling about this as soon as you can. Your life is being wasted because you're missing out on so much.

My dm was similar sized, she dgaf. She went all over on her own, walked many if the uk's costal footpaths and the the big religious one in Spain who's name I get muddled. She had an absolutely bloody awful life (except for me obviously!) and didn't let it stop her. She was tiny amd fucking ferocious.

A few extra inches isn't going to make you survive an attack. Strange way to think OP.

It's not my height that makes me feel cautious; it's the fact that I'm female.

I'll go out if it's dark, but I only walk along busy roads with bright street lights. There's no bloody way I'd walk in the woods or a park, even with a dog.

Travelling during the daytime is fine. I've travelled abroad by myself. However, as a woman, I'm very aware that I'm always a target, so I adjust my behaviour accordingly to minimise my risk.

It's sensible... but it's pretty sad that any of us have to take these precautions.

Eh? I'm small. I went travelling pre Uni. I've always been very independent and gutsy. I go travelling now, UK and Worldwide. I think you have severe anxiety issues and should speak to your GP. Nothing to do with height.

I'm 5' 1" and I've live on my own multiple times and travelled loads of places on my own in the UK. I've not gone abroad alone though. I think being a woman worries me more than my height.

You sound a bit over-anxious, OP. I'm 5ft 1 and have never been bothered by my height or felt vulnerable on account of it - I spent teens and 20s travelling round all parts of London on night buses, tube etc. I honestly don't think men who have a mind to harm women home in specifically on smaller women at all. I generally forget how short I am until I have to get something off a tall shelf or I'm in a big crowd of people!

I'm the same height and similar weight. It has never stopped me doing anything. I have travelled alone, with my kids on my own, go out at night alone. It has never occurred to me I would be more vulnerable because of it

The language you use is a bit infantilising: “I’m only small”, “can’t do that because small children can’t do it” etc. Have people made you feel more or less ‘womanly’ because of your height/size in the past? I am pretty much your exact physical opposite but I know I’ve been told that I’d be more feminine if I was shorter and that had such a bad impact on me growing up - wonder if someone has said to you that you’re weak and delicate (i.e. untrue stereotype of women) because of your height?

Either way, I’m sure you’re lovely and more than capable of doing anything you want to in your life. If you like running, there are women-only running clubs that go out specifically at night to help build confidence - maybe something like that would help you?

I’m the same statistics as a bloody 12 year old! I suppose I also do get scared like a child would, I suppose sometimes I actually feel like a child and why I can’t go off and do things on my own, because a young child wouldn’t do them things

Yoire not the same statistics as a 12 year old though. As said. 12 year olds weigh on average 6,5 stone. You’re much heavier. But the sentance above seems to be saying you behave like a child and can only do things children do. Yet ss you’re married I’m fairly sure you’ve had sex. And 12 year olds usually don’t do that. You got married. 12 year olds don’t do that. Not in this country anyway. And they don’t work either and hold down a job.

So it seems you’re perfectly capable of adulting. And do plenty of things 12 year olds don’t, but in your head you’re a child. Even though you are not remotely the same statistics as a 12 year old. From your weight to your ability levels to your brain maturity.

I'm 5ft and 7 stone size 6 and do what ever I want! Don't let it bother you! I've travelled my myself in England and abroad.
Only bothered me when I was in a pub or club (years ago) as I hated standing up with everyone so much taller than me.
Only thing that bothers me is I probably look like a teenager from behind and look scary when I turn around!!

Oh and I'm 51, daughter 23 who's 5ft 3 and not bothered by it at all. Son, 18, 5ft 11 and blames me for him being shorter than his friends!

It’s taken you 36 years to realise you are shorter than average? But in answer to your question, I’m less than 5ft tall. I’ve lived alone, travelled alone, even lived overseas in a non-English speaking country alone.

Seriously… you’re not that small.

It has genuinely never occurred to me.

I'm 4 foot 11 and I go where I want, when I, want. My height has never made me feel vulnerable at all.

I am 3 inches taller than you, single, left my parents' home when I was 18 and do everything on my own. I'm now in late middle age. I take normal precautions when in a big city but it would never enter my head that I couldn't go hiking alone, eat out alone, take public transport late at night. I suspect you are very used to having other people around to give you confidence.

Ha, I'm also 4' 11" and the only thing my height has ever stopped me doing is reaching stuff on the top shelf in the supermarket. I've travelled alone plenty and go out after dark loads in the city I live in.

My sex makes me feel vulnerable sometimes, but not my height.

I'm 5'5. I don't think I'd be any more robust in a physical attack by a large man due to my 5 inches!

@DoraDont

Ha, I'm also 4' 11" and the only thing my height has ever stopped me doing is reaching stuff on the top shelf in the supermarket. I've travelled alone plenty and go out after dark loads in the city I live in.

My sex makes me feel vulnerable sometimes, but not my height.

ditto

What do you think all millions of women from China/Japan/the far East do?

There's probably (guessing) 7 million adult women in the UK alone who are 5ft or under.

Are you actually being serious?

5 foot 1 and never even thought about it. I travel independently all the time.

You're making it a big deal when it isn't.

I am the same heights as you but heavier!
dont ever think about my height I go out have an active social life, go on holidays by myself definitely don't feel vulnerable

So, how can we help you venture out, OP?

Do you live anywhere near a convenience store or supermarket or gym? Could you get up early and walk somewhere?

I hesitate to recommend that you get on a bus or train because Covid rates are zooming up in my/DH's circle of friends/work.

Yup. It's not your height making you feel unsafe - it's your head. Same as many others here I'm small (5 foot, 45kg), have commuted to London, walked home in the dark, go for walks on my own in the woods when I feel like it.