Height issues as an adult-Petite

[Mindmatters668]

It’s recently come to my attention that I think I have issues with my height!!
I’m 5ft and weight 8 stone and 36 years old. I’m the same height as my friends 12 year old daughter.

I do look like an adult though, when I’m out and about and kids are running around people say “mind the lady” etc, so I don’t look childish in my face.

I would like to become more independent in my life, go places alone, travel around the U.K. but for some reason I have it in my head I’m extremely vulnerable on the basis I’m small and petite!!
I don’t know what it is I think would happen, but I sometimes get scared of actually doing the things I want to do because I’m the same statistics as a bloody 12 year old! I suppose I also do get scared like a child would, I suppose sometimes I actually feel like a child and why I can’t go off and do things on my own, because a young child wouldn’t do them things. I can hear this sounds mental!

Is there other petite ladies who go off travelling by themselves or go out late and night to take the dog through the woods and it doesn’t phase them? Does your height bother you?

Am I being stupid or is this some kind of valid concern?

I'm 4'11 and under7 stone and I'm absolutely not scared to go about my business. I don't think I am any more vulnerable than most other women.

I dont think this is anybring to do with height. I am shorter than you. I dont feel very safe walking alone at night but that's because I'm a woman rather than because I'm tiny? I have a friend who is about your height who has travelled abroad alone safely of that helps?

I'm 5'1" and I haven't grown an inch since I was 14. It has no impact on my safety in any way and it's never stopped me from doing anything. It's never even crossed mind that it would be a problem, and I'm in my mid-40s. I do stuff on my own all the time. I don't drive and I travel alone all the time. I'm actually kind of gobsmacked that you never walk anywhere or get public transport when it's dark. I've been doing that without even thinking about it since I was a teenager. Surely it's massively limiting for you?

I don't think it's actually your height that's making you nervous, really. What you're describing to me sounds a lot more like general anxiety and fearfulness about something happening to you - I'm pretty sure you would, in fact, feel exactly the same if you were 5'9". You're subconsciously using your height to justify your fear, because deep down you know it's not rational.

I definitely think you'd benefit from trying to overcome your anxiety, whether it's through therapy or just by taking small steps to start being more independent or asking friends to help you at first. You deserve more freedom than you're allowing yourself.

I'm 60 and your height and build. I travel the world on my own, go to theatres and pubs on my own, travel home on public transport on my own at night.

Sometimes I see my sex as a drawback when being out late but never my height. If a predatory man want to attack a woman he is as likely to do it to someone 5 inches taller and 3 stone heavier than me as he is to pick on me.

Sadly, like most women, I take what I think are sensible precautions when out at night but they have nothing to do with my physique. I walk tall, stay alert, no headphones, cross body bag etc. I have much bigger built friends who have similar rules.

Im 5 feet 0 too! TBH it never really bothers me too much .although I wouldnt go to the woods at night ,Generally a problem for quite a few of us not just us shorties! As far as travelling by themselves ,its often more worrying when you havent done it before I think .You get used to it .

I am 5ft 2in and somewhere between 9-10 stone. I don't drive. Never have. In my twenties I used to live in a not particularly smart bit of London and travelled most places by bus or train, rather than taxi.

I used to work away from home a fair bit in my 30's. I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat or to the theatre by myself but i do.

Now I am in my 50's with a teen daughter I am often ferrying her about after dark (we live in a city so we can walk to most places). I suppose i am helping her become streetwise.

I don't wear flashy clothing or jewellery and i am substantially invisible.

The most annoying thing about being small is the number of high shelves i can't just reach.

@Mindmatters668

Sorry, I don’t mean like places to the shops or things like that, I mean travelling or out late at night mainly. Do you do those things? Do you not get worried?

Height isn't your issue. Your anxiety is. You should seek some professional support on this.

I'm 5'1 and look young far younger than my age (this isn't a good thing as some people on MN like to spout about) and I do all those things, and more, on my own. I lived on my own until I met my husband at 26, travelled alone in Italy at 24, ate our alone, walked home in the dark alone etc.

OP - another shorty here! I did find as a child, I was treated as if I was younger (and therefore more vulnerable) than I was because of my height. In the same way many people expect more mature behaviour from tall children than the average height children the same age.

Many people do look at teens younger adults who are petite and assume they are more vulnerable/less able to look after themselves. If you grew up surrounded by this attitude, it could be it has become deeply ingrained in you that you are more delicate and vulnerable than average height woman a similar age.

It can be very hard to "unlearn" messages you were given as a child/young adult about your role in life, but it is possible. You are no more vulnerable than any other 36 year old woman. You aren't more delicate or less able to cope.

Are you me...?! I'm same height, same age, similar weight, & also avoid doing "potentially dangerous" things like going out after dark or travelling alone. Perhaps we should start a petite & paranoid support group! I've never thought of it as being particularly related to my height though. I've always had anxiety issues in general.

Average height for a woman is 5’4”, so you’re not unusually small. You can do anything you want. Your height is irrelevant.

Hi.

I'm about the same height and weight as you (but a few years older!). I think I used to feel a bit like you do as a teenager - for example, I really couldn't imagine myself going to university, even though I was very academic, and I think that was because I was small. But I don't feel like that anymore, and haven't done for years. There are things I don't feel that safe doing - I wouldn't be keen to walk in the woods at night, but I'll walk the half-mile home from town at night alone - but I don't think I'd feel any different if I were taller.

I went backpacking around SE Asia on my own in my twenties. I'm happy to travel on my own (though don't get many opportunities these days). On a recent trip overseas, I went into downtown Sydney on my own to meet an old schoolfriend for dinner. I got the bus out to the suburban town I was staying in at the end of the evening. (On the same trip I also got given a kids' activity pack while out at a restaurant in a big group including children, but we'll gloss over that bit!!!)

I agree with the previous posters who've suggested you look into CBT and self defence classes. Please don't let your height hold you back from living how you want to.

I don’t know if this helps but have you considered that all but the very strongest of women can be physically
overpowered by the feeblest of men, regardless of height?

@Mindmatters668

This is interesting, I don’t even leave my house if its dark….that’s not right is it? Genuine question there.

There is definitely something wrong with me, I don’t know why I’m so insecure about it and can’t believe so many others don’t even think about it!!

I don’t go out on my own in the dark if I can help it … nothing to do with being just shy of 5ft and everything to do with just keeping safe.

@Mindmatters668

It’s recently come to my attention that I think I have issues with my height!! I’m 5ft and weight 8 stone and 36 years old. I’m the same height as my friends 12 year old daughter.

I do look like an adult though, when I’m out and about and kids are running around people say “mind the lady” etc, so I don’t look childish in my face.

I would like to become more independent in my life, go places alone, travel around the U.K. but for some reason I have it in my head I’m extremely vulnerable on the basis I’m small and petite!!
I don’t know what it is I think would happen, but I sometimes get scared of actually doing the things I want to do because I’m the same statistics as a bloody 12 year old! I suppose I also do get scared like a child would, I suppose sometimes I actually feel like a child and why I can’t go off and do things on my own, because a young child wouldn’t do them things. I can hear this sounds mental!

Is there other petite ladies who go off travelling by themselves or go out late and night to take the dog through the woods and it doesn’t phase them? Does your height bother you?

Am I being stupid or is this some kind of valid concern?

I think you might be being a little bit silly. I'm 5'1 and have never thought these things or have any issue doing things.

I've just read @MargosKaftan's post and think it's brilliant!

I have teenage daughters - one is taller than me and very athletic. The other is built like I am/was - very petite, blonde, baby-faced. I am so conscious of trying not to assign her the 'vulnerable/delicate' role, but I am also aware that she could be mistaken at a glance for a 10 year old, and I worry that does make her more vulnerable. It's a balance I want to get right for her so she doesn't have that 'unlearning' to do later.

@Mindmatters668

This is interesting, I don’t even leave my house if its dark….that’s not right is it? Genuine question there.

There is definitely something wrong with me, I don’t know why I’m so insecure about it and can’t believe so many others don’t even think about it!!

I am 5'4' so totally average, I believe. I would go out at night to the cinema,to meet friends to go to an evening class. I would park with safety in mind. That is because I am a woman, not because of my height. My best friend is 5'11". She doesn't feel any safer just because she is taller. I wouldn't walk my dog around the woods during the daytime, if I was alone. Doing it at night would be bonkers.My husband wouldn't do it at night either. I would travel but with the usual safety considerations of any woman. None of it has anything to do with my height. Your anxiety sounds a bit extreme Op

I'm 5'2" and travel on my own when required - I had a year in France as a student substantially alone, lived in halls but travelled home alone etc. I use public transport to get home late at night and have done silly things like walk through parks after dark when I was younger. I took the dog for a walk in the pitch black woods last winter and only realised once I was already out that it was a bit stupid, so I've stuck to areas with street lighting since.

I do get treated as though I'm younger than I am sometimes - I'm 38 now and still get IDed in Tesco. Not sure that's height, it's probably more my face.

I'm 4"11 and I've never felt like that to be honest. Probably because where I grew up was rough as anything so everywhere else has always seemed better.

I'm 5 foot, a bit more than 8 stone at the moment but still very petite and youngish looking for 37. I don't feel vulnerable or nervous out alone. Height wouldn't make much of a difference to a predator unless you were 8 feet tall! It's definitely unusual you never go out alone. It's hard to reach stuff at times but I still try anyway as I'm too stubborn to ask for help lots of women are small and it makes no difference to life apart from difficulty buying trousers.

I’m tall but I’m still weaker than most men I’d say. I don’t think your height is really relevant.

I think small, petite women can be infantilised to some extent.

I'm 5'2" and although a bit heavier these days still have a youngish face, certainly on first impressions (less so on scruitiny now I'm 40) and a small bust (which again generally looks youthful). I was refused service for alcohol at 37 and frequently when teaching, colleagues would fail to spot me in a crowd of y7s/ y8s as my build was similar. I wasn't trendy enough to be mistaken for y9+
It can affect your confidence when people don't treat you as an experienced adult or are more protective over you.

I haven't let it stop me from doing anything though. Admittedly when I started DoE expeditions, there was a practical issue of balancing bag size and capacity, and the essential kit weight being ⅓ of my body weight rather than ¼. Even that's got better with "women's fit" in the past 20 years.

I've gone travelling, I've wandered around cities like Beijing on my own.
I go trail running on my own.
I do a lot of functional walking on my own at night. By and large, most places I'd walk in the day, I'd go at night. I don't limit my freedom compared to DH.

The local woods at night, the main thing that bothers me is the chance of tripping over a stick.

I'm short and it's an inconvenience with clothes, needing steps to reach shelves/cupboards at home having to climb shelves in supermarkets etc
But I don't think of it in terms if my safety, if I think parts of my city centre are unsafe it's not because I'm short it's because they are.

Strangest thing I've read for a while lol

Lots of women are 5ft tall. The average height is only 5'4. Most of my family are 4'11-5'2 and all have had plenty of adventures in life.

Kids nowadays are just little giants lol. Maybe some weight training at the gym or martial arts would make you feel safer?

Second the weight training. Might build your confidence up. I'm short but pretty strong for my size. Definitely helps with confidence