Move entire planned holiday time including hen's teeth dog boarding booking for 17 yr old teen who wants to go on 1st holiday with friends AND come on family holiday?

[PangolinPie]

She failed to give us the dates her friends have arranged before I booked time off work AND found a dog boarder (which was a saga in itself). I'm not inclined to change it now. Disclaimer: we don't have a property/flights booked as yet as I wanted to get the dog sorted out first, but were hoping to book something ASAP. I think she should choose which holiday: 5 days with friends or 2 weeks with us. AIBU?

I'd just get her to fly from one place to the other. She'll need to do it eventually, the travelling on her own, so it's an experience.

If my DD currently aged 15 wants to come on holiday with us aged 17 I'll be moving heaven and earth to make that possible. My worry is that by then I won't be able to persuade her to do anything with us....

Flying to you would be a good compromise if you can't change the dates.
I'm sure everyone is apprehensive the first time they do a solo flight. It's a good "adult" experience for her.

Try to move the dates, but if you can’t she is the perfect age for a solo flight.

could sound out the boarder about moving the booking on a week but if she can't, that's the decider.

I'd do this, because saying I've tried to move out holiday but it doesn't work so it's up to you to choose what to do around these dates ... is an easier message.

Absolutely I'd encourage any teenager who "has not yet flown alone" to fly out to meet family. Excellent life experience.

She’s 17 she can fly.

I first flew alone at 13. (Not as a pilot obv).

@GlitterBiscuits

There are some tough parents here.

Move the holiday to spend time with your daughter
They don't live at home forever.

The dog should not come before your child.

But if they can't get a dog boarder, which sounds like a real issue, they can't go at all.

What are you suggesting? They cancel the holiday and lose money? Leave the dog home alone (obviously not an option).

Given that the friends holiday only overlaps with some of the family holiday, the obvious solution would be for her to get another flight to allow her to do both.

Flying alone isn't intimidating as long as you run through the process mentally in terms of knowing how to get to the airport and when, having all your documents accessible, knowing the luggage rules, and following all the signs at the airport. All airports and airlines provide clear information on their websites so it will be good practice for her to be more independent and travelling alone if she goes to university in a year or two.

Let her fly to join you part way through the holiday if things can’t be changed .

So you didn’t ask her for her dates, but it’s her fault for not telling you?

Clear communication failure here from you.

On that basis I’d try to move it.

If you’d been asking abs she didn’t tell you, then it’s on her

I don't think I would arrange / book a holiday with other people without asking them if the dates were OK first. You know she does stuff, why didn't you ask her?

I did this as a teen and just got flights from where we were with my friends (Ibiza) to where my family was (Spain) and joined them mid way from the holiday.

Obviously depends where you're going etc but one possible solution

IME don't assume that she will never want to go on holiday with you again We are off at the weekend with dd, dsil and dgs, they are totally broke and will be for sometime (new business and house) we pay for a week away for them and then we also offer the odd break with us during the year, so the teen that so desperatly wanted to stay home and turn our house into party central is now the fun adult who helps make our holidays so memorable now!

In my friendship circle we swap dog sitting favours, do you have a particularly old/needy dog, or could you ask a friend to have them?

@savehannah in my experience 15 is the classic age for not wanting to do anything with your parents. I remember a massive row with one of my DDs at 15 as she had agreed to come with us and we had booked her a flight etc (obv too young to stay at home anyway), then she kicked off the night before saying she was missing a party and didn't want to come, how it would be boring etc.

By 17 that had changed a lot, and now at 21 she loves a holiday with us.

I have a 17 year old. She has struggled so much these past couple of years (some facts specific to her that I won’t burden this thread with and other things that will be common to all 17 year olds who have endured the pandemic).

I’d move heaven and earth to accommodate my DD if she wanted to do what your DD is suggesting. I’d feel happy she wanted to come with us still.

If you don’t feel bothered by your DD’s presence on your holiday that then don’t rearrange. But truly, I think you are being unkind. And shortsighted. I still recall the holiday I had with my parents at the end of my A levels. My DM died recently and I looked at the photos just last week. Happy memories. Where is the harm in trying to accommodate your DD?

Let her fly on her own to join you. Ok so she might feel a bit trepidatious but it’ll be fine and it’ll do her good to challenge herself. The world is her oyster!

well, I have 19, 17 and 14.
19 has chosen to work and not join us last 2 years, but house in UK wasn't an exciting prospect!

17 didn't come last year (when 16) again house in uk v. earning money and money won.

But this year we are going France with sun and a pool so they are trying to join us, and we are trying to make it happen

So I would try and change dates, see if the dog boarder can move it, try and accommodate.

But if you can't, then she has to choose and don't sweat it.
You might find that at 21/22 she suddenly wants to join you again

If you haven't actually booked the holiday yet then it's probably a good idea to change work dates and dog sitting so that you can all go together, particularly if your daughter would be anxious about flying alone.