Move entire planned holiday time including hen's teeth dog boarding booking for 17 yr old teen who wants to go on 1st holiday with friends AND come on family holiday?

[PangolinPie]

She failed to give us the dates her friends have arranged before I booked time off work AND found a dog boarder (which was a saga in itself). I'm not inclined to change it now. Disclaimer: we don't have a property/flights booked as yet as I wanted to get the dog sorted out first, but were hoping to book something ASAP. I think she should choose which holiday: 5 days with friends or 2 weeks with us. AIBU?

That reads a bit like we're sending dd to a dog boarder obviously that's not the case

Nope. She needs to choose which one she does. Is she ok on her own the rest of the time if you are still away when she is not on holiday with friends?

Well, as a parent of a 17 and 19 yr old I’d make an effort to change things, as they are growing up so quickly and it’s possibly last time she wants to come on family holiday with you…

But I am feeling particularly soppy and sentimental right now, which is not my usual mental state

If/when my 17yr old wants to spend time with me, I’m there basically

So you've arranged a date - and started to make bookings - for a family holiday and your DD wants you to change it so she can also go on holiday with friends?

No. Tough shit. She has to choose.

Sorry to sound harsh, but some things, like holidays, just aren't easy to move around at a whim. If the dates clash, she needs to make a decision about which she'd rather do, not make everyone else change plans to suit her.

YANBU; getting a dog boarder is like finding gold.

Presumably she & her friends could move their holiday dates? It's not like they have jobs etc to sort out (or is it a school holiday issue?)

Sure change the dates to suit your daughter...or, if you'd prefer to raise a well-rounded, mature, not spoilt adult, tell her to choose which holiday she's going on.

Is it easy for you to change your work holiday dates?

Is it really really tricky changing the dog boarder dates?

I’m normally the first to rant about teenage entitlement, but as you haven’t booked flights or accommodation yet, there’s really only the kennel to change. Admittedly, I don’t know how difficult that would be. DD is hardly being slow, though, I’m letting you know her friends’ dates.

I also think that at 17yo, this could very well be the or one of the last family trips you do. I’d rather see my DD have fun with her friends, come home, then we all look forward to going away together.

I’m looking askance at myself as I wouldn’t ever give in to my own DD like this. Must be time of the month…

I'd try and change it, she'll be gone soon

Fine to ask her to choose, so long as you won't sulk if she chooses her friends.

I would at least try to see if I could change the dog sitter. If not possible then she has to choose. If you’d actually made arrangements for travel etc it would be a firm no.

Depends.

1. How easy is it to change Work holiday.
2. Is dog sitter available?

I would ask if dog boarder could do a different weeks and check if I could swap weeks at work. I would do this for any family member. We go on a big family holiday and have changed date for sister / niece on different occasions. Priority is making sure everyone is there. It's family. Sure, they are feckin annoying.

Have her friends definitely booked? And paid?

How much overlap in the dates is there? Could she for example, go with her friends and then fly to where you are and join you later?

I would see how easy it is to change work leave and dog boarder, if it's easy then I would change it, otherwise I would say she needs to choose. Do you have other children? I would also consider the impact on them, if it was me I would rather both DD's came with us when they were teenagers so they could do things together.

Or could she join you for part of the holiday and still go with her friends too?

Did you know before you booked your things that she wanted to go away with friends and was waiting for the dates? If you did, but went ahead and booked anyway, then I think it would be nice for you to try and move yours. If you didn’t know and she’s just spring the friends holiday on you then no, stick with your plans.

Is the mates' holiday absolutely nailed down? We spent a fortune and had some seriously heated discussions rearranging a last big family holiday/overseas wedding to accommodate a festival that everyone was going to. Then Milly dropped out, then Ollie, so Tilly, Billie and Lily decided to go to Mudfest instead... I think you can guess the rest.

Did you know she was planning a trip with friends, ask her to give dates, and she failed to do so? Or has she only sprung the friends trip on you since you made your arrangements?

Did she know you were looking at dates, arranging leave and dog boarding?

I think, as you haven't booked the holiday yet, I would compromise: give her a list of dates you could manage to get time off work, and she has to arrange the dog boarding.

The other thing you need to think about is, if she chooses the 5-day trip with friends, is she going to trash your house during the rest of your two week holiday?

If her holiday with friends is 5 days, assuming it's not right in the middle, could she do both? Fly back early or fly out late?

Did you check before you booked or just assume she'd have nothing on those dates and book it for everyone?

Is it possible for her to do both?

I would personally at least try to move things around, just because she has moved away so I really value her time with us (not saying you don't).
But if you can't move things around then not much you can do.
Appreciate there could be a background at play here, ie she does this often, or you had repeatedly asked her and she didn't tell you. In which case YANBU.

Did you ask her if date suited before booking dog and AL?

If so and she has since got dates for the friends holiday of course she has too choose.

If you didn't ask her about her availability and it is possible to rearrange then I would rearrange. It may not be physically possible to change anyway.

Mixed views so far. In theory she could go on holiday with the friends and then fly to where we are to join us but she's never flown alone before, and she’s a bit of an anxious bod.

She was aware we were going to have a holiday this year (1st one since pre-covid) but we didn't communicate well on the dates obviously. She's also going to Leeds Festival at the end of August so we're limited by that too 🙄

She would be fine on her own for the 9-ish days if she came back and then DIDN'T fly out to us. But yeah, feeling a bit resentfully guilty now about potentially leaving her and "she'll soon be gone etc" 😫 plus DH wants her to be with us (not that I don't but it was me that spent an inordinate amount of time finding a dog boarder, not him!)

Sigh. I suppose I could sound out the boarder about moving the booking on a week but if she can't, that's the decider.

@Pangolinpie
If your going the same time could she go with her mates and join yous for the last week or vise virsa, but if not I would be telling her to choose a holiday.