Move entire planned holiday time including hen's teeth dog boarding booking for 17 yr old teen who wants to go on 1st holiday with friends AND come on family holiday?

[PangolinPie]

She failed to give us the dates her friends have arranged before I booked time off work AND found a dog boarder (which was a saga in itself). I'm not inclined to change it now. Disclaimer: we don't have a property/flights booked as yet as I wanted to get the dog sorted out first, but were hoping to book something ASAP. I think she should choose which holiday: 5 days with friends or 2 weeks with us. AIBU?

I'd go with the her flying to you option. We had 2 holidays last summer and DD1 (18) came for part of each because of other plans she had. They've missed out on so much over the past 2 years that it felt important to make it possible for her to go away with friends too. It was noticeable how much more independent she was about the travel plans for the second time after she'd done it the first time.

I'd try to move the dog boarder, and if you can't, ask her to fly to meet you.

Whereabouts is she going? Could you feasibly book in the same country?

Could you not have waited/communicated better re the deadline for knowing the date?

Check with the dog sitter then decide.

What does DD want to do?

If it’s actually possible and she wants to do both then flying on to meet you after a holiday with her mates is the best option. There is always a first time and flying into a country where her family are already waiting to meet her is probably as good as flying alone gets!

You changing your plans when this is possible is a bit princessy and not something I’d want to encourage in my dc

@givethatbabyaname

Is it easy for you to change your work holiday dates?

Is it really really tricky changing the dog boarder dates?

I’m normally the first to rant about teenage entitlement, but as you haven’t booked flights or accommodation yet, there’s really only the kennel to change. Admittedly, I don’t know how difficult that would be. DD is hardly being slow, though, I’m letting you know her friends’ dates.

Our dog boarder is fully booked until the end of 2023, there's no availability unless they get a cancellation. So it may not be an easy thing for OP to change.

I'd see if you can move it, but if not your DD will have to make a decision. Can her friends be flexible and move their dates if they've not booked?

@SuperTed127

Could you not have waited/communicated better re the deadline for knowing the date?

Check with the dog sitter then decide.

What does DD want to do?

Yes we could have but it's too late now. Learning curve. She wants to do both of course! She's not asking us to move it all though.

Tbh, I would change the family holiday. There won't be many more family holidays left but the first holiday with friends is also a milestone too.

It sounds like a good opportunity for her to make her first flight on her own if she would pluck up the courage to do that.

I think the simple solution is to ask the dog boarder the question.

That doesn’t take a lot of effort. If they can do it then I’d shift it because it sounds like poor communication was on both sides. If they can’t then it’s rather a moot point anyway.

I’d change or see if she can fly out to join you.

I have teens, and personally I'd try to accommodate this. Sorry OP.

As you haven't booked flights and accommodation yet, how about if you and DH go for a week together somewhere in the UK while she's with her friends, and then the three of you go abroad together for a week? That way, you don't have to change your dog boarding place or time off work.

For me it would all depend on how easy it is to rearrange the dog boarder. I know it is hard to get availability with them, so I'd definitely let that be the decider.

Could she go on her hols with mates then fly to join you for the rest of your hols.

Tricky age, friends are super important and so is a first holiday ... however the fact she also wants to come with you is a good thing.

There are some tough parents here.

Move the holiday to spend time with your daughter
They don't live at home forever.

The dog should not come before your child.

@PancakeBae that sounds so familiar!!

I'm.impressed she still wants to come on holiday with you.

I'd look at how she could go on holiday with her friends and then fly on to you.

Sorry just seen the bit about her being anxious to fly alone ... this would be a great time though with you meeting her.

I would def opt for her to holiday with friends and then join you.

If she is old enough to go on friends holiday surely she can fly alone?

Holidaying with friends very important-and so is going as a family.

I def found as my DC got older that I needed to be flexible to get them to come along-which essentially means good holidays that DH and I pay for

Driving to France this summer with ddog and my 3 are doing a mixture of things-one coming in the car with us for the whole time and the other two and girlfriend are flying out for a shorter portions.

I like having them come-it is worth it to make it happen

It's annoying (assuming she was give fair chance to check the dates before you booked) but if it was me I would try and rearrange if possible. It's nice that she still wants to come with you and holidays give the best chance for family time as they get more tied up with friends, work, then university. You've not booked the actual holiday yet.

I don't know why you wouldn't at least ask the dog boarder to change the dates tbh. That seems a bit unnecessarily unkind.

Do you have to go for a fortnight?

See you you can change the dog sitter and the work holiday - if you can, then do. Show willing and make her feel wanted. You might never get to have a family holiday with her again.
If you can't, then DD will have to choose between the two holiday.

You haven't even booked the trip, at least try and rearrange , she probably won't want to come in a family holiday after this one, she'll prioritise going with friends, so is up to you if you're ready to accept the last family holiday has already been and gone. She's 17 she won't have considered dog kennels as being difficult to book!

I recognise this. We had years of trying to re-arrange family holidays to try and accommodate our older son. One year we had a holiday booked in Cadiz and he went to a festival in Portugal then joined us. I think his flights cost more than the rest of ours put together. We had a fab holiday though. Once they were a bit older (now 31 and 29) we had a few summers of us booking bigger/more expensive holiday rentals than we really needed "just in case" they could join us with or without the current girlfriends. It rarely worked out because of work commitments etc. We don't even try now. However, if I were you, I would really try and accommodate her and make it work. Holiday memories last for ever.

I'd get her to try and find another dog boarder , if she wants to go on both holidays.