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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I keep falling out with everyone!

84 replies

nomannocry · 16/03/2022 09:29

I know I am being unreasonable but I just needed a place to vent I suppose and maybe some advice to see if others have been in the same position.

I have been beyond stressed the past few months. It's a mixture between depression/anxiety but due to circumstances out with my control.

Last week I fell out with my friend, for no reason, I just flew off the handle and said some horrible things. Luckily he forgave me and we moved on from it as I apologised profusely once I had calmed down. However, I am so irritable, more than I ever have been before. I'm quite a chilled person really so it is really unlike me.

I am finding all my friends really irritating, any small comment they make I take it as a personal dig at me but have thankfully managed to keep my mouth shut.

This morning my mum and dad were meant to be taking me out for breakfast to celebrate a new job I got. The parking in my mums street is a nightmare. When I went in this morning I literally had 0 miles left on my car for petrol so I said to her as soon as we're finished breakfast I need to go and get petrol as I have zero miles. She asked where I had parked and I said across the street. She said you only get an hour there. I said it'll be fine and she replied no I'm not risking it. I said what do you mean you're not risking it? It's not your car! She then said you'll need to move it and find another space. I really didn't have enough petrol to be driving around looking for a parking space. So I said aw just forget breakfast, I'll just go and I stormed out.

I went and got petrol and am now home lying in bed trying to not cry because I just don't know why I'm behaving like this. It's not me at all, I feel constantly grumpy and it's not nice to be in a bad mood all the time. At the same time I don't know how to stop acting like this.

It's almost like an out of body experience. I know I'm behaving like this, I'm watching myself, I'm thinking 'you wanker' but can't stop myself. Then I have to deal with the shame and guilt and embarrassment for my behaviour when I eventually have to apologise for it. It's like a red mist descends and I can't control it.

What is happening to me?

OP posts:
Cas112 · 16/03/2022 12:09

I get like this, especially when I'm due on.

Also constantly like this at the moment but I'm pregnant

housemaus · 16/03/2022 12:15

I got diagnosed with depression when I told my GP everyone in the world was annoying me and I felt angry all the time, to the point where I couldn't let things go/would be fuming, physically pent up angry about them when I thought of it hours later.

I was surprised - I wasn't sad, didn't feel hopeless, etc. Just IRRITATED by everything. But antidepressants helped!

I'd say get your BMs stable and do all the usual 'good for your brain' stuff for a few weeks - good sleep schedule, eat well, drink plenty of water, go outside/exercise regularly, listen to some calming stuff each morning or a guided meditation or whatever. Try that for a few weeks and if it's not helping, get yourself to the GP and see what they suggest!

Original poster
nomannocry · 16/03/2022 12:18

No I definitely am not pregnant as haven't had sex in about 8 months (maybe that's my problem? 😂). I think it must be to do with my blood sugars as I really am not doing well with them. Also I am going through big life changes, there's a lot of uncertainty. Not sleeping well yet always feeling tired. Whenever I do have downtime I'm always thinking about what I should be doing and feeling guilty rather than just enjoying it. So I think today is a day where I'm just going to relax and read my book and take a long bath and not beat myself up about what I could be doing around the house/studying. It's too much pressure on me 24/7. Not saying that's an excuse to be a dickhead, but just want to get out of this hump.

I have booked a GP appointment for next week, I am already on anti depressants, have been for two years but blood tests are a good idea so will go over everything with GP.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomannocry · 16/03/2022 12:20

@housemaus

I got diagnosed with depression when I told my GP everyone in the world was annoying me and I felt angry all the time, to the point where I couldn't let things go/would be fuming, physically pent up angry about them when I thought of it hours later.

I was surprised - I wasn't sad, didn't feel hopeless, etc. Just IRRITATED by everything. But antidepressants helped!

I'd say get your BMs stable and do all the usual 'good for your brain' stuff for a few weeks - good sleep schedule, eat well, drink plenty of water, go outside/exercise regularly, listen to some calming stuff each morning or a guided meditation or whatever. Try that for a few weeks and if it's not helping, get yourself to the GP and see what they suggest!

Good idea also. It's just so hard because when I'm feeling like this irritable and down in the dumps I just want to eat shite, I don't care about taking care of my health which in turn makes me feel worse.
OP posts:
steff13 · 16/03/2022 12:22

It's almost like an out of body experience. I know I'm behaving like this, I'm watching myself, I'm thinking 'you wanker' but can't stop myself. Then I have to deal with the shame and guilt and embarrassment for my behavior when I eventually have to apologize for it. It's like a red mist descends and I can't control it.

This is exactly how I was when I was diagnosed with PMDD. I take a very low dose of Zoloft and that's sorted it.

Veiaola · 16/03/2022 12:23

I have worked with an known several people who are diabetic family also, I have found that they can have lots of mood swings depending on their hormones and sugar.

housemaus · 16/03/2022 12:27

Oh god yeah nomannocry I 100% get it: the vicious circle of 'feel shit, eat chicken nuggets and hibernate, feel shit from nuggets and hibernating'. I am actively annoyed when I do something good for me and feel better, like... how fucking rude that I have to do my silly little walks and my silly water intake for my silly little brain 🤣

Sometimes I'll go for a tiny 15 minute walk at lunchtime because otherwise I won't leave the house all day (bad for brain) and I spend the whole time stomping around sulking that being outside will make me feel better haha. Or furiously eat a salad for my lunch instead of getting a meal deal, and resent the entire thing, because I know I won't get the same 3pm slump so it's good but how annoying that I have to all this stupid stuff to get my brain to behave?!

So my advice is: do it resentfully, do it angrily, stomp about, drink water with a scowl on your face, sulk about being in bed at a reasonable time...but do it anyway. Grin

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/03/2022 12:30

I was like this all year since having my baby. It was PND and anxiety mixed with a lot of stress. I've had councelling and started taking sertraline and i feel so much better. If you're not already having treatment for your depression please consider it. I put it off for several months and really wish I hadn't.

AmyDudley · 16/03/2022 12:32

It sounds like it may well be a physical/ mental health problem. My late FIL was diabetic and he could be extremely irritable at times and say quite unpleasant things - but it wasn't really him at all, he was a nice man it was just when his blood sugars weren't right. I'm glad you are seeing your GP - I would mention your anxiety and stress, it may be that you need an anti anxiety med or a different anti depressant - some work better than others for different people or the GP may be able to suggest some kind of talking therapy that may help you.

For what it is worth, I would have found your Mum's comment about ' I won;t take the risk' a bit annoying too - you are an adult, she needs to let you take your own decisions regarding parking!

BowerOfBramble · 16/03/2022 12:51

Parents can wind us up like no other. However it was rude of you to stomp off home when they were actually about to give you a treat (take you out for breakfast). So much as it'll stick in your throat you should apologise - you'll feel better for doing it.

Who else are you falling out with?

Like others on the thread I was like this when on the pill and also when work stress is crashing down on me. Trying actively to be a good person is all I can really recommend on top of what others have suggested. Think about how much your words or actions would/have upset people you care about, their faces, and try to put right what you've done and avoid causing that again. One of my parents has a bit of an anger problem at times and they never apologise or reflect and just do it again. I really wish they would stop, take a deep breath and think e.g. "was it really REALLY worth upsetting my family, and missing out on a nice breakfast, just because my relative was a bit overworried about me ending up having to pay a fine?"

I know it's easier said than done but trying to step back and gain perspective is key - often when I'm annoyed/angry it's like a kind of panic and you need to do something like deep breathing, go for a walk, spend some time alone to get your heartrate back down and reflect calmly.

SirGawain · 16/03/2022 13:18

@nomannocry

I'm not on any type of contraception, I do have diabetes and haven't been taking care of my blood sugars etc as well as I should. So I know that will be having an impact on things but I'm not having a hypo when I am behaving like that. I'm really aware of what I'm doing so its not a physical medical thing.
I was just going to ask if you had been checked for Diabetes. It could go a long way to explain your behavior. Also for the sake of your long term health you must look after your blood sugars.
superplumb · 16/03/2022 13:53

Hormonal or very stressed. Stress creeps up on me and then I go weird for a while. I've discovered I'm peri too and started HRT. Speak with your gp

Nnique · 16/03/2022 13:58

@nomannocry My daughter child has type 1 and in the past when her sugars haven’t been controlled it has been so, so difficult for her to regulate her moods. It has a profound effect on hormonal regulation (as I’m sure you know) so this will most definitely be a primary driver in how you’re feeling.

Is there anything simple, nothing too overwhelming or taxing, that you can start doing today to help yourself as quickly as possible medically? I know how difficult it can be, my daughter has periods where she’s really struggled. 🌷

PaddleBoardingMomma · 16/03/2022 14:00

@Onlyforcake

You say you're stressed right now. This is your cause. Unfortunately there's are not always solutions like "relax". It's cheesy but I saw this yesterday. "People don't just go from 0 - 60, they've spent so long at 59 you just haven't noticed". So you're not going from completely ok to blowing up. You're operating at a very fraught, tense place, on edge then a relatively minor thing triggers a sort of trigger of all those tense feelings at once. Yes, in the moment calming methods might help you preserve you temporarily. What will work is the sources of stress and how they can be resolved. I know that isn't always easy and takes time. Flowers
I love this post, I love you for posting this! It's so very very true, every word.
AbsentmindedWoman · 16/03/2022 14:09

I do have diabetes and haven't been taking care of my blood sugars etc as well as I should

I was going to post to ask if you'd lost weight/ were thirsty.

High blood sugar makes some of us type 1s VERY CRANKY INDEED Grin

Hyperglycemia literally changes your brain processing, it wreaks complete havoc on your mental health.

I notice my mood dips slightly if I'm over about 9 for too long, so not even talking about anything extreme when it comes to impacting emotional wellbeing.

AbsentmindedWoman · 16/03/2022 14:14

Do you have Freestyle Libre or Dexcom OP?

Everyone in the UK is entitled to funding for cgm or flash monitoring from April I think it is. They can really, really help if you're struggling with blood sugars.

Also, I'd recommend basal testing to make sure your pump basal or long acting insulin are optimised.

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2022 14:16

@nomannocry

And then the fact that neither she or my dad have gotten in touch is getting me more annoyed now. I'm sitting here like nobody cares about me!! Absolutely pathetic. Honestly I am a different person recently!
Which means it really wouldn't hurt to get a check up

Could be all sorts of things, hormones, PMT, thyroid.

Go and have a chat

Nikkiten · 16/03/2022 14:51

I feel the same, I’m looking at physical causes to but I think it’s partly due to being a lifelong people pleaser. I’ve suddenly snapped out of people pleasing, I cant do it anymore now I’ve noticed how selfish people are and realised how much I was putting up with. Gritting my teeth was making me anxious and unhappy so I have stopped. Obviously your reaction was over the top but your parents sound annoying so apologise to them for your reaction but let them know that it’s your car and your money.

BOOTS52 · 16/03/2022 14:52

I think first of all you need to make an appointment with your doctor and get bloods done etc get diabetics under control and check you are not in early peri menopause. Hormones and thyroid checked. Tell your doctor how you are snapping at everyone and seem to have no control over yourself. I think a short term anti depressant may help you if you are extremely stressed as good for anxiety and depression. Send your family a text and apologize for your behaviour and explain how you are feeling.. Do not ring in case you get angry again. I had a friend like this and she was terrible and could not open my mouth to say anything to her as she would snap at me and was outraged with everyone and the world. She was in early menopause/peri. It is good you have recognized what is happening and you are asking about it as that is a brave first step. Sorry you are going through this and you need to get this sorted as you cannot be snapping at people in your new job. Take the next step and talk to your doctor, write down all before you go as easier to talk then as usually find I do not get my point across as anxious in with doctor. Tell them how you cannot stop flying off the handle and everyone and everything gets on your nerves. There is help available and things will improve. Also get out for walks as exercise is the best thing and also watch what you are eating. Wishing you well and hope you get the help you require.

thisplaceisweird · 16/03/2022 14:53

You're burnt out. Have you worked very hard relentlessly over the past couple of years? Lots of people in this age bracket have.

If the doctor doesn't suspect anything physical, ask to be signed off with stress.

maccheeseandpeas · 16/03/2022 15:00

@Nikkiten

I feel the same, I’m looking at physical causes to but I think it’s partly due to being a lifelong people pleaser. I’ve suddenly snapped out of people pleasing, I cant do it anymore now I’ve noticed how selfish people are and realised how much I was putting up with. Gritting my teeth was making me anxious and unhappy so I have stopped. Obviously your reaction was over the top but your parents sound annoying so apologise to them for your reaction but let them know that it’s your car and your money.
@Nikkiten This really resonated with me. I have also spent my life being a people pleaser. As a result, I am usually running around after people doing stuff for them at the detriment of my own life/MH/stress. I'd be interested to know what the final snap was for you. I'm at snapping point right now as I am totally and utterly fed up - and tired from - saying yes to people and doing favours/things I don't really want to do/inconvenience me/put me out/cost me money to some extent/make more work for me. I've started pushing back, but finding it hard.
burnthur5t · 16/03/2022 15:03

When the fuel warning light comes on you get fuel. Don't drive around until it says zero, that's asking for trouble

pinklillie · 16/03/2022 15:40

Definitely get your bloods done. I just got mine back after feeling very irritable and I've got low folate and low vitamin D. It's crazy how being low in certain vitamins really impacts your behaviour

psychomath · 16/03/2022 17:09

@housemaus your post really made me smile! Sometimes I think of my own brain as a little pet I have to look after by feeding it vegetables and calming youtube documentaries Grin

Susu49 · 16/03/2022 17:17

This could be anxiety. Irritability is an symptom, once I learned this I realised all those times I felt cross and irritable like you've described were actually because I felt anxious underneath.

Have a look at anxiety on the mind website and see how you feel about it.