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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take only one of my children to Lapland U.K. and not the other?

114 replies

christmasthoughts · 15/03/2022 19:00

Am going to Lapland U.K. with MIL/SIL/nephew.
I have two DS's, aged 4 and 2.
It's a long drive from us and a hotel stay.
I am thinking of just bringing the 4yo (nephew is 5 and they are good friends).
My reasons being, basically it will be easier for me. The idea of bringing them both in the car and then sorting them both through the trip makes me feel a bit stressed out as you never know what the 2 year old will be like (typical 2yo).
DH happy to have two year old for the night.
My problem is crippling mum guilt on youngest missing out, and his brother missing him.
On the other hand I could have some quality one on one with my eldest and we'd both really enjoy the trip.

For reference, I am very likely overthinking this.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Malibuismysecrethome · 16/03/2022 10:04

I don’t think it’s fair children should be treated equally. How would you feel if you missed out on a trip?

Bert2020 · 16/03/2022 10:10

I took my 5 year old and left the 18 month at home. We won’t return with both of them until the younger is 4, it’s a long day and the younger ones don’t get it as such. It’s a lot of money so I would save it for later. There was a maybe 2 year old in our group and in one of the quiet listening sections he simply didn’t have the attention span. The poor parents were trying desperately to get him to sit and listen. No judgement I just felt for them.

bellabasset · 16/03/2022 10:17

If the older one is 5 and it's his first trip why didn't you take him at 2 is one way of looking at it. My dm took me to the pantomime and cinema trips when I was 5 or 6 that my sister who was 4 years younger didn't go to.

Original poster
christmasthoughts · 16/03/2022 10:20

@Spudyoulikeit he will be two months off turning three.

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasthoughts · 16/03/2022 10:21

@bellabasset that's a good point. I didn't take him before as I did think he was too young and it wouldn't have been worth the travel and the money.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 16/03/2022 10:24

Why isn't DH going again? I get that it might not be his thing but if he went it would mean the 2 yo could go and surely family stuff is.the point of having kids? Or have I genuinely missed something?

RealBecca · 16/03/2022 10:25

I'd your DH isnt going purely because he doesnt fancy it then I think he needs to get over himself and put his kids first

Original poster
christmasthoughts · 16/03/2022 10:26

I think what's making it hard to decide for me is that a big part of it would be me making it easier for myself and that feels selfish like I'm putting my needs before my little one going.
But also at the same time I know my four year old (who would actually be 5 by then, I didn't work out ages with dates well as it's so far away still!) would get so much more out of it if I was really present with him and could give him the undivided attention, even at the hotel and out for dinner etc

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasthoughts · 16/03/2022 10:28

@RealBecca yes I am sort of feeling like this as well actually. Could be another thread there!
I suppose he's thinking of the extra cost and he also feels that the whole thing is a rip off and not worth it, even though he hasn't been before.

OP posts:
Spudyoulikeit · 16/03/2022 10:36

At nearly 3 I’d take him but you know your own child and family dynamics best.

DuggeeHugPlease · 16/03/2022 11:03

I wouldn't feel guilty, they have different needs and it's so lovely to have quality 1-1 time with children sometimes.

I'm taking my 5 year old to the theatre in the Easter hols. Her younger sister will be at nursery that day and I'm really looking forward to the time just the 2 of us. When the younger one is older I'll do the same for her.

HaggisBurger · 16/03/2022 11:10

I think it’s actually healthy for kids to do things one on one with either parent. It’s fine, honestly. Your 2 year old will be none the wiser and you could maybe take him when he’s 4 mid week and the older one is at school.

CoastalWave · 16/03/2022 11:11

@alrightfella

I think it's fine. Get dh to do something fun with the little one, then book to take him in a couple of years when his big brother is at school.
THIS ^

By all means don't take him, but you owe him a trip on his own when HE is 4.

berksandbeyond · 16/03/2022 11:12

We took our 3 year old last Christmas, she loved it. I don’t think you can leave your 2 year old out. Why can’t you husband go too?

HaggisBurger · 16/03/2022 11:14

@christmasthoughts

Thanks for all the replies, I am still torn! More seem to be on the it's ok side. When I spoke to DH he was shocked I'd leave the little one but didn't offer to also come so 🤷‍♀️

@Wnkingawalrus I know 🙈 but you have to book next week really to get the slot you want

“Shocked” but not actually willing to put himself out. Lazy sod.
AllOfUsAreDead · 16/03/2022 11:21

I think you'd be mad to take the 2 year old. They won't even know what's happening or remember it at all. No point to it. You can take them both again in 2 years time. By then, your 4 year old has probably forgotten that they went before.

TDCtomorrow · 16/03/2022 12:11

I'd definitely leave the little one until
Another time
I've been there and it's much more suitable for a 4 year old. The activities won't suit a 2 year old

Okbye · 16/03/2022 12:13

[quote christmasthoughts]@RealBecca yes I am sort of feeling like this as well actually. Could be another thread there!
I suppose he's thinking of the extra cost and he also feels that the whole thing is a rip off and not worth it, even though he hasn't been before. [/quote]
Omg honestly it's so worth it!! My husband was dubious aswell (and definitely not happy about the cost!) but after we went even he agreed it was worth every penny just to see the amazement on our sons face!

You fill in a form with your child's details and what their hobbies are, what they like etc so Father Christmas knows when they meet him and honestly it blew my son's mind that the big man knew all about him and what he likes to play with, they even had a whole conversation about Pokémon and Minecraft 😄 Even I believed by the end!

They've only got a few 'Santa' years before they get too old, if you can take them while they're believers then I'd 100% recommend! (Just remember spare socks for after ice skating as your feet will be wet!)

Lavendersquare · 16/03/2022 12:15

Roll forward 5 years and your youngest will be able to work out that they were not in the trip, despite being old enough. I can safely say that my children would be so upset to find this out, especially if it involved Father Christmas.

Take them both or don't go, it's terribly unfair otherwise.

ElectricFlower · 16/03/2022 12:15

@3Daddy31982

I'm fairly sure they need to be 6 as it's cold
Just wondering what the protocol is and where Scandinavian parents live with their children until they turn 6 and are allowed to live back in the country?
eurochick · 16/03/2022 12:58

Wait one more year and then they will both be a good age for it.

raininghouse · 16/03/2022 13:07

I debated leaving my 3 year old behind when I went last year. DH couldn't go last minute so I had to go on my own with 3 children 😱
I probably would have been less stressed if I had just taken the older two but I'm glad I took all 3. They all loved it and I have a wonderful video of all three meeting and interacting with Santa. Would have tarnished the memory if the youngest was missing!
2 year old may not get it /remember it but unless it's really not manageable I'd probably take them. I have done separate trips with my children for 1:1 time but it's tough if they think they've missed Father Christmas!

twinkie100 · 16/03/2022 13:12

Oh just take the older one. I have a 3.5 year age gap between kids and do loads of stuff with the elder that are age appropriate for them, but not the toddler. You will both enjoy it more!

Bring a gift back for the little one from the gift shop, and take them when they turn 4.

RealBecca · 16/03/2022 13:20

@christmasthoughts Sad sorry hes being a misery guys and raining on your family trip. I love your name though and hope you find a way forward xx

Namechange12312 · 16/03/2022 13:25

I think this is fine. I have 3 and sometimes leave the youngest behind so the older two can enjoy the day with my full attention. As long as you have a special day out with him too so if for some reason he looks back and asks why he wasn’t there you can explain with a clear conscience that he was too little but you did X with him instead.