Help I don't think I can afford kids

[36looser]

I need help and advice. I feel so depressed and alone. My husband of 17 years finally decided he wanted a kid with me. He's 49 and I'm 36. He always told me that he didn't want kids and I loved him so much I decided to stay. Then end of last year he tells me that he's changed his mind. It has thrown my mind into turmoil. Because I don't think we can afford one now. Our mortgage is huge because of my husband age £1330 a month. He earns £2400 a month but our other bills, car, life insurance, council tax, food, gas, electrical, internet, nothing extravagant cost £1000. If I had a baby he couldn't afford that on his own. But how could I work full time having just had a baby?? And then most of my earnings would need to go on childcare so I'm back to square one. All of my friends have had babies this year but none of them are in my situation. They tell me if I really wanted a baby I'd just do it. I'm over thinking it. I'll find the money from somewhere! They also have parents that can help them. I feel so depressed.

If he earns £2400 presumably after tax he must be earning £38 to £40k approx depending on pension contributions.
It is higher than the average salary.
How do you think people on much less manage to have kids?!
It is perfectly manageable, it sounds like you don't want to make it work.

You’re so right

I would spend the next year saving every penny you can. Take on extra work now if you can to build some savings and then in 18 months time you might be in a better position financially to have children.

My kids only go to childcare 2 days per week as that’s all I work. They are 2 and 5 and cost me roughly per month-

£500 nursery bill
£150 out of school club bill
£100 clothing budget, more if shoes are needed
£100 swimming lessons
£35 ballet lessons
£15 football lessons
£22.50 tennis lessons

That’s without adding in days out, meals out, etc.

And that’s nursery bills for 2 days per week as that’s all I work!! A full time nursery place would be significantly more.

@Troublesometooth we are London and also pay £64 8-6

@Troublesometooth

I would spend the next year saving every penny you can. Take on extra work now if you can to build some savings and then in 18 months time you might be in a better position financially to have children.

My kids only go to childcare 2 days per week as that’s all I work. They are 2 and 5 and cost me roughly per month-

£500 nursery bill
£150 out of school club bill
£100 clothing budget, more if shoes are needed
£100 swimming lessons
£35 ballet lessons
£15 football lessons
£22.50 tennis lessons

That’s without adding in days out, meals out, etc.

And that’s nursery bills for 2 days per week as that’s all I work!! A full time nursery place would be significantly more.

£100 /months clothes sounds a lot to me! I get second hand bundles from eBay that last 6 months and are way less than that.

@cafedesreves yes that’s one area that could be cut back.

You could also do less activities, find cheaper swim lessons etc.

But kids are expensive. 3 pairs of shoes last month cost me £150.

It really doesn't have to be as expensive as people make out. You'll get an awful lot of things handed down to you and gifted. Buying second hand will save thousands of pounds.
Why would you be relying on your husband's wage alone? What about maternity pay for yourself? It's absolutely possible to work full time and afford childcare. But that isn't the only option. You and/or your husband could work part-time to manage childcare costs. But remember childcare costs are only temporary. It gets easier once they qualify for funded childcare. Struggling for a few years isn't the worst thing in the world anyway, if you really want a child.

@Wonderwoman333

If he earns £2400 presumably after tax he must be earning £38 to £40k approx depending on pension contributions. It is higher than the average salary. How do you think people on much less manage to have kids?! It is perfectly manageable, it sounds like you don't want to make it work.

Ah, thank you!!! You've summed this up perfectly.

You probably can't afford a baby without changing your lifestyle, bit I think this is a common situation. We saved before my maternity leave, some people do things like move to cheaper areas or closer to family who will help.

One thing that worked for use was both parents making flexible working arrangements to reduce childcare - so we both compressed our hours to get extra days off, and I worked weekends as far as possible. We didn't see a lot of each other, bit it was only for a few years.

Have you thought about the implications of supporting your dc as they get older? If you dp is the main earner, will be he able to support a dc through uni when he is 70? Or how will you manage that?

So he married a teenager when he was in his 30s and then proceeded to dictate whether you had children or not.

I can't be the only one finds this a bit suspect.

• £500 nursery bill £150 out of school club bill £100 clothing budget, more if shoes are needed £100 swimming lessons £35 ballet lessons £15 football lessons £22.50 tennis lessons*

Not all of these are required though, nor are £50 pairs of shoes.

My 2 are 6 and 2, intentional age gap due to childcare costs (ft nursery at around £1000 a months after tax free childcare)

I spend nowhere near £100 a month on their clothes, it’s more like £30 a month, shoes in Clarks sale at £18-20 a pair.

Swim lessons are £30 per month, the toddler won’t start for another year.

No ballet football or tennis here, 2 ft working parents there’s just no spare time.

If all bills and food are paid for with your husband's salary, what's the issue?

You also have a job. You'll be entitled to SMP/Maternity allowance regardless of the fact that your job is a contract until March - it isn't a lot, but if all your needs are met by your husband's salary then it would only be for extras, and £150 a week is more than enough (and more than a LOT of people have). You'll also get child benefit, which should cover the costs of anything child related (babies and toddlers do not need new anything - second hand clothes/toys/etc, free or cheap baby groups if you need company etc).

There's always a way to make ends meet, it depends on how much you want a child.

I have to say that I have three children and none of them have ever done swimming lessons, tennis lessons or football lessons! I took them swimming and all are good swimmers, but we did no lessons, so those aren’t must haves.

On the other hand, food is pretty expensive, particularly as they get bigger! Orthodontics has cost thousands as their teeth were bad but not quite bad enough to get NHS treatment. Driving lessons and university even more so.

If you get pregnant now, your husband will be 68 when your child starts university-it costs a bloody fortune, do be mindful of that!

I have just had my first she is 6months now. My DH earns similar to yours and our mortgage is £1050 PM. I earned the same as DH when working FT but now on mat leave my earnings are 1/3 of what they were and it has taken time to adjust but we have managed and learned (very quickly) to live within the budget we have. We have saved £100 pm by shopping at Aldi.