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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I just quit drinking altogether?

59 replies

Tequilaaaaa · 14/03/2022 11:44

Hi,

Nc for this.

So I absolutely know I drink too much. I won't pretend any other. I love a drink - wine mostly. One of my favourite things to do is sit outside with friends or family in the summer and have a few glasses of chilled white wine, whilst chatting and laughing. I don't usually drink in the week and save it for the weekend, so 3 on, 4 off. This probably does change a bit in the summer though, as it's just too tempting to sit in the sun with a glass of something.

Whereas I don't really have any other vices, I'm generally quite healthy and watch what I eat etc, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn't just go teetotal. As I said, I genuinely do love a drink and I don't want to give up, but I've had a few mornings recently where I've felt quite disgusted with myself. Not because I've done anything awful after drinking, but just because I know I've drunk too much and feel utterly crap. A hangover is an absolute waste of a day and as I get older, the "fear" gets stronger and stronger and yeah, just feel angry with myself.

I never drink to get drunk. I don't enjoy the feeling at all. I tend to go from feeling mellow and tipsy, to absolutely had enough. Dp also likes a drink, so we're not really good for each other with that.

Yesterday morning I woke feeling like crap and again, wondered why I'd done it to myself, but something holds me back from just cutting it out completely. I think I have attached a lot of joy to it over the years and I don't actually want to give up, but then can I realistcally have a healthy relationship with alcohol anymore?

YABU - You don't need to quit, just work harder at cutting down.

YANBU - Yes, go teetotal.

Or even if you're just on the same page and can relate, be good to hear your thoughts.

TIA

OP posts:
Duracellbunnywannabe · 14/03/2022 11:47

How much are you drinking? I would be tempted to cut it out completely for a month and then see if your able to just drink less. If that doesn’t work then maybe you just need to stop.

Marsmon · 14/03/2022 11:51

How much are you having on those 3 days? Can you set a hard limit, like say 2 drinks in the evening and then switch to soda with lime or something? My DH can't drink more than 2 at a sitting or he loses all control to say no then wakes up in an alley.

Original poster
Tequilaaaaa · 14/03/2022 11:53

@Duracellbunnywannabe, it varies, but I'd say on average 20 units a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know that's more than the guidelines.

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 14/03/2022 11:55

It doesn’t sound like you have a particular issue with drinking, why don’t you cut out another day instead.

HappeeInParis · 14/03/2022 11:55

Tend to think that if this question crosses your mind, the answer might be yes. Why not try it for a month or two and see how you feel?

Lubeyboobyalt · 14/03/2022 11:58

I can't speak highly enough of being teetotal, did it for the same reasons as you

Been 4 years now I think. I love it.

In the evening I drink 'grown up' squashes instead like ginger, or sparkling water, or fruit/herbal teas

housemaus · 14/03/2022 11:59

(I want to preface this by saying I'm not a classic Mumsnet alcohol shunner - I can drink a fair amount given a night out and I don't think one brandy a year is a drinking problem, etc!).

But... I think you're right to be wondering about it - as an outsider, I don't think the way you relate to it seems healthy.

The fact that you know in a pattern, how many days a week you drink - I would have no idea, because it's not regular enough.

Three days a week to wake up hungover is a lot. And if you're drinking enoughto be hungover even one day a week, with the tolerance that comes from regular drinking, you're probably drinking enough to be giving your internal organs a bit of a hard time.

Lots of couching it in 'when it's sunny', 'I don't have any other vices', 'I didn't do anything awful' - I feel that if you weren't concerned about it, you wouldn't need to make these qualifications.

But I think feeling disgusted with yourself is one of the biggest signs you know it's a problem, and that's good - having the insight to realise it is important.

You don't seem to see cutting down as an option - you've gone straight to quitting altogether. Have you tried cutting down, just drinking once a week? I think it'll help if you get your DH on board, but of course it has to come from you ultimately. Depending on how much you drink, getting some liver function tests done could be a bit of a wake up call for you both, too.

Strokethefurrywall · 14/03/2022 11:59

I’m the same and have a love/hate relationship with booze. Have cut it out completely for 6-9 months before and regularly go through dry spells.

It isn’t the amount I consume that concerns me so much, but the fact that I make bad food choices because the sugar in alcohol is such a trigger for cravings.

EssexLioness · 14/03/2022 11:59

I think that if you are asking this then the answer is yes. Also, the guidelines are there for a reason. Alcohol excess is so normalised in this country that people don’t realise how little they should actually be drinking. The amount you drink is technically binge drinking but people often associate binge drinking with much higher quantities. Anything over the maximum recommended units risks damaging their liver in future. Try quitting altogether for a month or so and see how you feel. A break may be all you need or it can give you the space to reevaluate things

Lottapianos · 14/03/2022 12:06

'Tend to think that if this question crosses your mind, the answer might be yes'

I agree. OP, I would decide to cut it out completely for at least a month. 6 weeks even better, 3 months even better again. Just give yourself a good long break from even thinking about alcohol, and see what benefits being temporarily sober brings to your life

EIisheva · 14/03/2022 12:08

Drinking three days out of seven is a lot.
Are you talking one or two glasses?

Laney39 · 14/03/2022 12:09

I was a bit like this I wasn't falling around drunk but really felt it the next day. So now I limit myself to 1 or 2 on a Friday nothing on a Saturday and 1 on a Sunday. I feel much better for it. Why not try it see how you feel? I would t cut it out completely because for me I'd want it even more so just limiting works for me

Sunpotter · 14/03/2022 12:09

I'm feeling similar. I stopped for a long time, fairly easily, and don't have cravings per se but can feel I'm missing out.

I now drink a lot less but I do love a sunny drink, it feels special and I like the feeling and relaxation. I don't get drunk but am now getting serious hangxiety/depression the next day.

I feel sad about it but think I'll have to quit too! I wonder if it's an age thing. Never got the fear like that when younger.

zigzag56445 · 14/03/2022 12:10

I used to drink wine. It was easy to have too much. When the bottle was open, it was gone.
I started to drink gin and tonic instead. Found it was much easier to only have 1 or 2 and I always add loads of tonic. Sometimes I just go with the tonic on its own.
So yes, just be more conscious of how much and stop sooner, or maybe intersperse with soft drink.
If you are still having the same problems, then you probably should stop altogether.

Original poster
Tequilaaaaa · 14/03/2022 12:16

Some really good points being made.

I think I kind of already knew that by asking the question, the answer is probably yes.

It's a really difficult mind set to change. Straight away, my mind goes to a special occasion that's coming up, where a glass or two of champagne would normally have been had.... or Paris in a few weeks - without any red wine?! Shock (first world dilemmas, I know!) Honestly, the thought makes me quite sad, but then is that a problem in itself?

OP posts:
Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 14/03/2022 12:17

If you need some help to decide, I can't recommend more highly the book by Alan Carr, The Easy Way to Control Alcohol.

I read it and have now been teetotal for 15 months. The book was enough to put me off ever boozing again.

junglejane66 · 14/03/2022 12:18

This is MN, a small glass of Baileys at Christmas is all that is allowed

Lottapianos · 14/03/2022 12:19

'Honestly, the thought makes me quite sad, but then is that a problem in itself?'

I feel the same when I think about giving up. I really enjoy a drink or two, and have no interest in getting drunk. If you stuck to only two glasses of champagne at the celebration, and say only two glasses of red in the evening when you're in Paris, would that work?

SparklingLime · 14/03/2022 12:20

Have a browse of this thread, OP. Might help you make a plan:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4461184-The-freedom-thread-continued-Riding-the-rollercoaster-of-an-alcohol-free-life

Xpologog · 14/03/2022 12:20

If you were told there’s no alcohol available ( anywhere- total world shortage) next weekend how would you feel? If you feel even a bit edgy that’s not a good sign.
I never drank much, odd glass of wine, Baileys at Xmas , but when I became peri menopausal my body began to hate alcohol. Menopause hit and half a small glass of wine put me in bed for a day. I felt so ill, teetotal ever since. Depending in your age, might be something to consider.

BrightonBunny · 14/03/2022 12:25

Read Alcohol Explained by William Porter.

You won't want to drink alcohol again.

NurseSeacole · 14/03/2022 12:30

Go teetotal for a month and see how you feel. You might be surprised at how much better you feel (and look). The fact that you are concerned is a pointer that alcohol is beginning to have a detrimental affect on you. 20 units binge drinking is well over the 2 to 3 units a day which is the recommended safe limit for women. Alcohol can make menopause much worse and make you depressed.
There are lots of good self help books around like The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and you could have a look at alcohol change website.
I chose sobriety and its made such a difference. I have saved a lot of money too.

Davethecat2001 · 14/03/2022 12:31

I haven't drunk any alcohol this year at all so far.

Did my usual Dry January, and just haven't felt the urge or desire to drink since. Usually by February I would be full on back on the vino.

It's strange as I am a total lover of wine, but it doesn't love me and towards the back end of last year I definitely felt me and OH were falling into 'problem drinking' territory. It wasn't unusual for us to get through 3 bottles between us on a Friday night, and I would wake up feeling so shocking both physically, but even moreso mentally, something had to change.

I take AD's for my anxiety and depression and drinking a depressant just makes no sense when the whole point is to moderate my serotonin levels.

I was also getting fat and bloated, and so this year I have been paying more attention to my diet and exercise, have lost 10lbs and just feel so much better mentally.

However I also do want to be able to sit in the sun and have a glass of Rose or fizz, but at the moment I don't think I would be able to not chug the whole bottle Hmm

So just taking it a day at a time.. not saying never again, but for now it's working for me to be teetotal.

Technosaurus · 14/03/2022 12:34

Depends on what you want and your stage in life. If you have children you tend to naturally drink less because you get woken up at times not of your choosing + looking after children with a hangover is one of the worst things in the world. If you have kids and think you drink too much, the likelihood is you do!

If you haven't got kids but are planning on them, I'd say stop fretting and enjoy your glasses of wine in the summer evenings while you can. If you haven't got kids, aren't planning on them and are still worried you drink too much, well that's entirely up to you.

You don't sound like the biggest drinker in the world to me, just someone who drinks to unwind, and we all need our downtime.

implantreplace · 14/03/2022 12:35

Do you have children?