Should I just quit drinking altogether?

[Tequilaaaaa]

Hi,

Nc for this.

So I absolutely know I drink too much. I won't pretend any other. I love a drink - wine mostly. One of my favourite things to do is sit outside with friends or family in the summer and have a few glasses of chilled white wine, whilst chatting and laughing. I don't usually drink in the week and save it for the weekend, so 3 on, 4 off. This probably does change a bit in the summer though, as it's just too tempting to sit in the sun with a glass of something.

Whereas I don't really have any other vices, I'm generally quite healthy and watch what I eat etc, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn't just go teetotal. As I said, I genuinely do love a drink and I don't want to give up, but I've had a few mornings recently where I've felt quite disgusted with myself. Not because I've done anything awful after drinking, but just because I know I've drunk too much and feel utterly crap. A hangover is an absolute waste of a day and as I get older, the "fear" gets stronger and stronger and yeah, just feel angry with myself.

I never drink to get drunk. I don't enjoy the feeling at all. I tend to go from feeling mellow and tipsy, to absolutely had enough. Dp also likes a drink, so we're not really good for each other with that.

Yesterday morning I woke feeling like crap and again, wondered why I'd done it to myself, but something holds me back from just cutting it out completely. I think I have attached a lot of joy to it over the years and I don't actually want to give up, but then can I realistcally have a healthy relationship with alcohol anymore?

YABU - You don't need to quit, just work harder at cutting down.

YANBU - Yes, go teetotal.

Or even if you're just on the same page and can relate, be good to hear your thoughts.

TIA

[quote Tequilaaaaa]@Duracellbunnywannabe, it varies, but I'd say on average 20 units a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know that's more than the guidelines.[/quote]
I'm quite a big guy and can really drink when on a session... splitting 20 units of wine into 3 equal sittings would get me a decent buzz. A 125ml glass (6 to a bottle) is 1 unit, so you're drinking just over a bottle of wine daily on a Fri, Sat & Sun. That's a different kind of issue to drinking half a bottle of wine every night - more when the warm weather arrives by your own admission. You are getting moderately plastered 3 days in a row or you wouldn't have a hangover. I can take or leave drink, but I do also love it. I have been a landlord, so I've both had my resolve tested (never a problem) and seen a lot of functional and full blown alcoholics. At times I become a bit habitual with drinking, but I just make myself stop if that happens. If you can't do that, you do have a problem.

My advice is to try to moderate yourself without making a drastic change. Monitor what you drink honestly rather than estimating. Try cutting back to spitzers & limiting what you consume on a Sunday. Set a hard limit of units/week. If you break the limit, you have to stay off it completely for 7 days and reset.

If you struggle with this you probably need a hard stop.

I'm asking myself the same question. Not really because I drink too much. I used to, but I haven't for ages, except on really rare occasions - in normal weeks I drink 2 or 3 units and sometimes none at all.

But I'm similar to you in that I'm struggling to just let go and give up altogether, even though I almost always regret drinking (not because of hangovers, but because even one glass can make me uncomfortably flushed and puffy-eyed and I sleep dreadfully).

There is no doubt that for me the downsides of booze outweigh the brief pleasure I get from it. I think it's a question of getting over the really strong emotional and nostalgic associations we have with alcohol, and believing that we don't actually have to drink just because it's sunny or because we've got guests, or because it's a Friday!

I was thinking a while back... if I could just press a magic button which would make me never drink again, without thinking about it (i.e. remove the choice of whether to have a drink or not), would I? I think I would. So logically I should give up! It's almost as if I need to give myself permission not to drink, which is ridiculous really!

Have a read of Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker

Some of these replies have really got me thinking.

@BlingLoving, I do actually try with the whole mindful drinking and actually I'm much better than I was a few years ago, where I would drink most nights and more at the weekends. The mindless drinking has crept up again though. I wouldn't mind the odd slip up, but when it turns into an almost weekly thing, yeah....it needs to stop. I might go easy on myself because I know I don't usually drink in the week, so am rewarding myself too much.

If you have children - 100% stop as sounds like spiralling

If you are trying for children - 100% stop as will impact fertility health

And if you don’t have or not trying - then perhaps test yourself to see if you can limit. If not - give up completely

@Tequilaaaaa

Some really good points being made.

I think I kind of already knew that by asking the question, the answer is probably yes.

It's a really difficult mind set to change. Straight away, my mind goes to a special occasion that's coming up, where a glass or two of champagne would normally have been had.... or Paris in a few weeks - without any red wine?! (first world dilemmas, I know!) Honestly, the thought makes me quite sad, but then is that a problem in itself?

It's not the four units drunk on a special occasion that are making you feel crap though, is it? It's the twenty odd every single week when you aren't on a romantic getaway or toasting a happy couple.

You could try not drinking at all until the special occasion - then you'll be more likely to really enjoy the glass of champagne and your first morning in Paris won't be marred by feeling like shit because you overdid it on the red wine the night before on top of regularly drinking a bit too much to feel absolutely well for months beforehand.

@NeverDropYourMooncup, (great name btw!) you're right. I suppose my mind just jumped straight to the special occasion drinking, but no, that's not really the problem. When I think about going to my local for a lemonade or sitting in the dining room with dp on a Friday night, chatting, sipping on sparkling water...yeah, it leaves me a bit flat. That's where the problem lies.

OP I was once like you up until the point I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hypertension and put on medication - because of the Hypertension and medication I had no choice but to cut right back, almost to the point of being teetotal.

I miss not being able to drink as much as I used to, my limit now is 2 glasses of wine and probably only once or twice a month now rather than nearly every night. But my health has significantly improved for it.

I would advise slowly cutting down to maybe 2 nights a week, then 1, and then from weekly to every other week.