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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Women sending DH gifts

87 replies

TequilaMockingburd · 14/03/2022 00:02

Just that really

She is a FB contact who lives in another country. I know of her but neither of us has met her. She's on his friends list as a friend of a friend. Comments on his posts regularly, always bland comments but deffo regular.

Today we took DH's car out and in the car was a box contains headache pils from the country she lives and some sweets local to her too.

I didn't know that right away and instead asked DH where the pills came from.

He said 'oh that crazy FB girl sent them to my office.... she must have googled my address. She also sent those sweets. '

Now..... she had previously sent random items once before and I sort of ignored it but this time around I'm feeling annoyed as they've plainly been messaging back and forward for her to know about his bloody headaches.

DH is a serial hypochondriac and I've spent literally hours calming down his health anxiety about these sore heads. I think I'm just a bit hurt he's also felt the need to discuss his health with a girl he hadn't met and goodness knows what else .

'Maybe I'm AiBU to be annoyed but I do feel a bit betrayed by him engaging in personal chat with this women and also hacked off he didn't tell me right away and that I had to find them.

Be good to get some views. I actually didn't say a word today when he told me but have subsequently stewed with this all day.

OP posts:

BowerOfBramble · 14/03/2022 14:57

This is all really weird! I can't imagine sending headache pills of all things to someone I'd never met unless I'd developed a really massive crush on them or if I'd been specifically asked.

So I reckon these are the options:

they have actually met, whether her FB name is real or whether it's a fake profile for someone else
she has a massive crush on him (best case scenario it's not reciprocated)
they've been talking enough for him to ask for these things

I would demand to see the chat later and without giving him time to delete it.

girlmom21 · 14/03/2022 16:00

Are the pills definitely foreign?

Original poster

TequilaMockingburd · 14/03/2022 16:10

@girlmom21

Are the pills definitely foreign?

Everything is from Germany. 100%

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 14/03/2022 16:21

I would ask why he suggested she must have googled the address when he'd received gifts previously. That's weird and feels like he was trying to justify calling her crazy.

I'd also ask how she knew about the headaches and why he tried to hide them.

Cocomarine · 14/03/2022 16:27

My husband and I don’t tell each other every minor event of our days. But I can’t imagine either of us not mentioning something as unexpected as unsolicited medication from abroad.

Would you have not mentioned it?

Damn right I’d be asking to see the messages.

Lamujere · 14/03/2022 16:31

I had a similar situation a few years ago. Partner was genuinely not up to anything but it got well and truly on my nerves that he tolerated this behaviour (random presents and texts) so I know exactly how you feel.it was resolved when he upgraded his phone and gave the old one to me in case one of my kids wanted it. I kept it and the next text that came through I had a bit of fun with. She got the message.

Gowithme · 14/03/2022 18:07

Yeah tell him the secrecy of her sending him stuff is making you feel very uncomfortable and ask to see the messages, if he won't put your mind at rest then you have your answer.

If she has previously sent stuff to him (to the house I assume?) then why has this gone to his work, googling his work address makes no sense if she already has his home address. The only reason I can think is that he told her to send it to the office and not home as he didn't want you to see it.

Stonex · 14/03/2022 18:14

I had a very similar situation a few years ago, I completely understand how you feel. With the benefit of hindsight and experience, my advice would be to start a calm conversation with DH at a time when you can speak uninterrupted. Lead with your description of how unsettled you feel about it, explaining about boundaries etc, let him digest and respond - and then ask him to show you the messages there and then. Good luck, I hope the conversation is helpful

Gazelda · 14/03/2022 18:23

Tell him how uncomfortable this feels. How inappropriate it is that he accepts gifts from someone he's never met.

Tell him that this puts his health anxiety into the 'worrying' category if he's talking with strangers and taking pills he doesn't know the content of. He needs to address this with his GP.

Original poster

TequilaMockingburd · 14/03/2022 21:25

@Stonex

Thank you so much. This is great advice. Tonight is not the night and so I'll pick my timing wisely.

OP posts:

custardbear · 17/03/2022 06:50

How did you get on @TequilaMockingburd - I hope it's all sorted - I'd echo the person who said it's like she's set this Facebook page just for him - very odd

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 17/03/2022 06:56

He's lying to you. "crazy girls" rarely exist. My BIL has the disfortune of only dating "crazy girls". Funnily enough, the common denominator is him.

He's emotionally cheating. If it were innocent he wouldn't be hiding it. It's also very bizarre for people in relationships to start friendships with random people of the opposite sex on Facebook. Why are they even friends?!

I wouldn't be happy at all. It all smells like fish and I can see a red flag flying in the distance...

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