thread for those interested in refugee hosting/sponsorship

[EezyOozy]

I thought I would start a new thread about this as I have just heard on BBC news that they are opening up a web form tomorrow to express interest. Apparently families/households can claim £350 a month (I assume for increased expenses) and refugees will be eligible to claim or benefits and work. We have large a spare room but live rurally so whilst I will express interest I'm not sure we will be taken up on it.

I thought I would start a new thread for those who are interested and to follow the progress of the registration procedure/how this pans out in practice.

Posted here because it's the only place I know gets plenty traffic, I will probably be asking for this to be moved but don't know where to.

If there's an ensuite then I guess leaving some sanitary towels etc in our doesn't look quite so personal. (I forget they're not always general household toiletries for everyone, having lived with teen daughters and step daughters for years and still using them myself!)

My guests arrived this evening! Wow it has been so emotional and much more of an upheaval than I thought but I'm so excited to be on this journey and learn to share my space with those in need. But they are really lovely and keep laughing at our communication style through the translator.
Well I felt a bit terrible to begin with because you will never guess what happend- I'm all exhuasted from DD not sleeping for a few days with all the changes she can sense. I've put her into nursery an hour early so I could get finished with getting sorted for them. I had very much organised and tidied the house at the weekend and only had their room to de junk, but then it got messy again with the little one. I thought I would take her out yesterday all evening to wear her out and get her an early night so I could finish up but she wouldn't sleep until 10pm and then I was too exhausted to move and so worked up I couldn't sleep. Anyway after all of this, today I had finally hoovered everywhere (again) made their room lovely for them with bits they might like and washed up and cleaned them out a cupboard in kitchen and thrown a load of washing on to make some space and all I had left to do was tidy all the junk and clothes I had thrown into my room that had been in the spare room (it was literally like a toy room and a walk in wardrobe before). So I jump in the shower and wash my hair for the first time in weeks. Which is terrible but DD had terrible chicken pox that went on for three weeks and the whole debacle of finding a guest and doing the visas for them all and asking around for all the resources we needed like cot, clothes, high chair etc etc. Their visas came through within three working days so it's been really manic doing it all in a rush. I'm really enjoying my first bit of me time in absolutely ages and I had half an hour until their flight landed and someone had paid for their taxi so my plan was to have a nice shower, go for a walk and then tidy up my own space so I would be all ready for them and put dinner on and be all calm. BAM. The electric goes out. The shower switches off. I've still got conditioner in my hair.
I check the fuse and it's tripped and won't go back up. I call the repairs people (council house). She tells me to turn everything off and I go to the kitchen and it's raining into the kitchen. The bathroom has leaked (it's a wet room). Turns out the shower drain was blocked. I just thought it was normal for a wet room to get wet all over and I only moved in recently.
Anyway I panicked. The told me the electrician and plumber wouldn't be out until between 4 and 9pm and it was a priority. They landed at 2pm. Everything is electric. I found them another host nearby who was DBS checked and waiting for her guests to receive visas. She said she could take them for the night until we got the electric sorted. I changed the drop off for the taxi company and I text the guests to tell them and apologise. They freaked out. Understandably. I put them through all that stress. I had to leave my phone with a neighbour to charge and come home to wait for the electrician. I couldn't reply to their freaking out to reassure them. It was like a film. I thought wow what a welcome for them. However the electrician turned up when they were on route. He fixed the bit that had gotten wet. The plumber showed up and unblocked the drainage of the shower (no not from my hairs I've barely had time to wash it since I moved in and I pick them up every time!). I text the guests and said don't worry you can come here now. Cancelled with the other lady whom I had been going back and forth with making plans for anything they might need. Toddler was back from nursery by this point and was completely neglected whilst I was on the phone for ages! The house looked like nothing had ever flooded. They probably thought I was making it all up. All that stress. It's okay though they seem happy to be here and are very nice. I just can't believe that in the time between their plane landing and driving down here, an entire sitcom was created. As if they needed that stress! My room is like a rubbish dump now but hopefully I'll find time tomorrow to organise it. Oh and wash the conditioner out of my hair.

Wow, pawpatrol, that sounds absolutely epic! What bad timing. Glad you got everything sorted in the end.

Some really useful tips on this thread - plug adapters, so obvious but hadn't even thought about it. Anyway, a timing question, our sponsoree got in touch to say they've had an email saying that their documents have been put forward for consideration, or words to that effect.
I realise that the length of time for visas to get approved seems to be different for everyone but what are people's experience of the length of time from that email until they actually get the approval to travel documents?

@yetanothercleverusername It took ours 4 weeks. All had international passports. There's a huge variation as far as I can tell. Some have been much quicker - within a week.
We had to get our MP to chase.
Good luck.

Mine was weeks, I couldn’t tell you how many because it’s all fading into a blur.
I am shattered. Anyone else? It’s all going really well and is lovely but I also feel exhausted.

PawPatrol, what a nightmare! Well done for getting it sorted and well done to your plumber and electrician for coming out so fast. Hope things are calmer today?

I'm exhausted. İt's not even been 24 hours yet. They seem really lovely but mum is very upset today and cried. Husband is here as he was already doing farm work and living 50 miles away. He picked them up at Warsaw and stayed the night at mine to settle them in. They are all nice. But some things are hard already. I was planning to cook for the first few days to not let it be too chaotic and then meal plan together, but woke up at 8am and they had already gone out and bought a week's worth of shopping (which won't fit into my fridge and freezer) and came back and started cooking lunch which my toddler then asked for some of and I quickly took her out the house to a toddler group and said I would be back afterwards to help them get a sim card and get their money sorted. I'm hoping I can affirm some boundaries around the fridge space without sounding mean or frightening them. I did ask her a lot of times before she came what she ate so I could get some in but she said anything. But then they didn't really want my food when they got here last night.

Yes, you do need to have a conversation. Communication, communication, communication are the watchwords.
It’s easy to see how someone might get carried away doing a big shop but the more you feel your own life being compromised the harder it is going to be.

Shelovespawpatrol

Buying and cooking their own familiar food may be one thing that helps them feel a bit more in control, even though it's lovely of you to want to cook for them.

It's a big ask for you, but is food an area you're able to just let them do their own thing for a few days, even though it disrupts you? (Obviously if you're on a tight budget that's harder.)

By the end of the week they'll have realised the problems with fridge space themselves, and you could have a chat along the lines, of, "OK, you're settled in and found your feet a bit now. So here are some house rules."

I know house rules should come early on, but she may be overwhelmed at the moment.

X-posted with Countess. Yes this: the more you feel your own life being compromised the harder it is going to be.

Definitely don't martyr yourself!

Yes, it did take us a week to work out what we were going to do about food. (We cook alternate nights for everyone for most of the week and for ourselves one day.)

We've managed to clear them a kitchen cupboard and half a fridge which they have filled. Trying to persuade them to share things like milk and butter with us though as there isn't enough room for two of everything (and 4 pints of milk is almost the same price as 2!) A DIY approach for breakfast and lunch and I bit of coordination over dinner is roughly what we're aiming for though it's been a bit chaotic so far with probably not a much coordination as ideal and we have a glut of fruit and leftovers. My guest found out about a local foodbank and went there for most of her shopping. DH feels we're being poor hosts if they need to visit foodbanks, but I think she'd rather do that than have us provide food as she feels we've been generous already. She even bought some random cleaning products which have just overfilled our cupboard. I did cook lasagna yesterday which the daughter had said was her favourite food - apparently you can't buy dried lasagna sheets in Ukraine so she'd only had it twice in her life!

My sponsee isn’t into cooking, which I wasn’t expecting. Not sure how this is going to work out as I really don’t fancy making three meals a day for the next six months 🙃

Yes that’s definitely not sustainable!

How long has she been there?
What do you normally do for meals?

We are most definitely not doing breakfasts or lunches for everyone.

Mine are arriving tomorrow evening!

Mostess & Fireyflies posts are making me a bit anxious! I am quite obsessive about food, shopping and cooking ...
Communication is going to be key, isn't it ...

It flowed a bit better this evening. She managed to squeeze all the shopping onto the shelf I gave her in the fridge and I showed her the local corner shop where they sell milk so she can just buy it daily instead of huge 4 pint bottles. I guess I can leave it to her to think if she wants to have her food in a squash or wants to do a daily trip to the shop. Now the next thing to deal with is the treats she gives all the kids as my DD won't eat any regular food if she knows treats are around. She bought her an ice cream on the way home and I got her to eat two mouthfuls of dinner and then guest gave her a chocolate croissant. Face palm. I just think I'll be stronger with my DD and always say No and put up with being the bad cop and if she gets treats from guest so be it.

@Mostess how did she feed herself prior to the war?

Another thing that's been quite hard is I scheduled time this afternoon to take them to the job centre and get everything sorted. The plan was to go to a children's centre at lunchtime where she could also pick up clothes and food and then head to the job centre. I told her before she got here what the plan would be. But because she went shopping without telling me, she wasn't ready to go to the children's centre as they wanted to cook lunch and so I had to go there with my DD and then travel back home and pick her up (all by bus). By the time we got to the job centre it was the one without translators and they said the other one round the corner with translators was about to close. We had time to go and get a sim card and now we have to go back to the job centre tomorrow. But I have a man coming to fix my windows tomorrow. Then I have to pick my DD up from nursery mid afternoon. Then it's also my only spare four hours child free until next week. So it is a bit urgh and not as ordered and sorted and scheduled as I had it all planned. I guess we can do universal credit over the phone? Is that possible? Would save me a trip into town and another bus fare.

Pawpatrol, I think you have to be willing to say, ‘This is the time I am available. Would you like me to come with you at that time to help you to do x, or would you like to do it by yourself another time?’
It is vital that you protect your own time.
I have found WhatsApp useful because if information is important and I send it in writing that gives them a chance to run it through Google Translate if necessary and then you have their reply in writing, rather than ask them orally and maybe bounce them into a reply without being 100% certain they have understood.
Have they yet made contact with other local Ukrainians? This is vital for your own sanity as then you won’t feel like you are their only support.

No not yet, we bumped into some polish neighbours today and they tried to see if they could understand one another so they could be some support. There are plenty of activities going on though and before she came I directed her to the local Facebook group for Ukrainians and hosts where they announce events and language lessons. She doesn't want to go anywhere without me though. Hopefully she will feel less anxious soon. I'm going away this weekend as my grandma is ill and needs a companion for a couple of days whilst my aunt who lives with her is away, so hopefully having a weekend to herself will boost her confidence. Her kids are very easy kids (compared to mine at least) so at least she hasn't got that to contend with and has space to figure her own stuff out.

Remember ultimately they are adults which means it is their own responsibility to get all the forms done, not yours. You can offer them help but it has to be on your terms, not theirs, because you still have a life to lead. You seem like a lovely person who is doing your absolute best to help, but nobody has an unlimited amount to give and you know your limitations, which your guests don’t. They will likely all be fine, don’t run yourself into the ground for them x

Yeah that's true. It's been a bit of a shock because I'm well travelled and never been fazed by being in a new country with life admin to do, and so to then be looking after someone who does seem to need a lot more help than I would expect another person to need, is a bit new to me. Trying to be compassionate but at the same time also conserve my energy. Especially as DD decided to go through a sleep regression this week so I don't even have my evenings any more.

Is anybody else on here hosting and struggling with it? I feel like I am the only one, although I know I can’t be 😐

I have just read some of @Shelovespawpatrol posts so I KNOW I am not the only one 🙂

You won’t be!
You might find people are disproportionately likely to post if it’s going well though.