Anyone else slightly frightened of being elderly and losing quality of life

[Donewithit888]

I work part time in care, and whilst it's very rewarding it depresses me slightly.

A large number of our clients are essentially existing rather than living, people who've had strokes and are now bedbound, no pastimes other than watching TV day in day out. Having to be hoisted in the air several times a day just to use the toilet or get changed.
Incontinent, no awareness of what's going on in their surroundings.

Houses that are absolutely filthy and filled with clutter as they aren't physically capable of cleaning them and don't have local help. Living in one room permanently, rarely seeing the outside world.

Asking your name for the umpteenth time as short term memory issues.
No longer able to feed themselves in some cases.

Being looked after by certain 'carers' who couldn't care less and would rather be anywhere else.

Every time I finish my shifts I pretty much pray to myself that I don't end up that way, but I'm sure the service users also felt the same way when they were younger and in better health.
Just seems to be a bit of a lottery really, we can live healthy lifestyles and look after ourselves but nothing is guaranteed.
Not really sure how you stop thinking like this?

@lollipoprainbow I do so hope the end is soon for your mum. If it's any comfort, my mum was ' only' in that end stage for a few months. Once she found it hard to swallow she stopped eating and was having sips of milkshake only. At the end she was very peaceful, literally looked as if she went to sleep.

[quote lollipoprainbow]@freshcarnation I read your post about your mum with interest. My mum has advanced dementia and visiting her is absolutely heartbreaking. She lies in bed most of the day either sleeping or looking up at the ceiling, she has now started to struggle to swallow. Basically she's just had enough, I wish I could allow her to be at peace and go in a dignified way. It's what she deserves. I don't feel awful to say it will be a blessed relief when she is finally set free from this wicked disease. [/quote]
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's posts like yours and the fact that both my parents have dementia that are making me feel I should have a discussion with my brother about identifying a point where we (well I do all their health related admin) stop giving them flu and covid vaccines to give them a chance of escaping the living hell of late stage dementia. I wouldn't want that for myself - no one would - so should we be stacking the odds that one or both parent will go through it once they have a very low quality of life anyway? They speak often about how they don't want to go to a care home. When they don't know who I am, I will know that residential care isn't what they want.

All these stories of being scared in nursing homes breaks my heart.

My mother had the vaccines because she is in a home now - if you're living communally you affect other people. She still had Covid and didn't even need a paracetamol.

I'm not worried about getting old, but what I would hate is to have to rely on others for my basic needs. I've also worked in numerous care and hospital settings for most of my working life and there's no way on earth that I'd want to live that way (whether I was aware of my situation or not). Dementia is one of the most undignified diseases and to me its just an existence, not a life - no matter how well-cared for they are. You could be the healthiest person in the world, but you just don't know what life will throw at you.