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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you feel about your partner putting on weight ?

89 replies

smoocakes6 · 12/03/2022 21:57

Being vague so as to get honest answers . Does it bother you if they get a but chubby ? Do you find them less attractive?

OP posts:
flounfer · 12/03/2022 22:46

I prefer myself at a smaller weight whereas DH prefers me heavier. He likes the bigger boobs but I don't as they restrict fashion choices!

flounfer · 12/03/2022 22:48

he has never dated any one over a particular size.

I don't understand the size restriction. Surely the height is relevant? A 5ft size 10 looks very different to a 6ft size 10

OpheliaThrupps · 12/03/2022 22:48

I find it unattractive.

cuno · 12/03/2022 22:52

My partner is 6'7 and when we started dating he was very skinny, he has put on weight over the years but he's not fat at all, I find him more attractive now. I'm a bit overweight since having my daughter and my partner still finds me attractive and hasn't complained about my weight. The only time he complained was when I lost a lot of weight when already slim and he said I looked unwell, he likes a bit of curves. I wouldn't like it if my partner became obese though. But a bit of chub is fine.

Snaketime · 12/03/2022 22:53

My DH did and I still love him and still find him attractive. I was the largest I have ever been on our wedding day and he still said yes so.

Aniita · 12/03/2022 22:53

@venusmay

My dp us heavier now than when we met. It doesn't bother me,I am not shallow.
It's not about being shallow. It's a whole attitude that goes along with being happy to be an unhealthy size. If my dp cared about exercise and how he looked and enjoyed being fit, then a change in that would be a change in life attitude. That would be the unattractive bit for me
RoyKentsChestHair · 12/03/2022 22:54

If you asked 1000 people to draw/describe their dream man or woman, I can guarantee none of them would say "6ft tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, obese".

Literally none of them and I'll take a guess that you wouldn't either.

I would actually prefer an overweight man to a gym bunny. In fact I stated as much on my dating profile. XP had been on a diet/gym bender before we met so wasn’t really my type (although still not slim by a long way. But for him, he was at his lowest for a long time). When I saw photos of him from the previous year and saw how much bigger he’d been I much preferred it, and was perfectly happy with him at 17st. My ideal man would indeed be a huge hunk of man, preferably with muscles as well as fat, but I wouldn’t want someone toned and fit as it would make me feel shit!! I liked to sit and stroke X’s belly - he didn’t like it as it made him feel self conscious but he knew I liked it so he let me do it Grin

Chasingaftermidnight · 12/03/2022 22:57

Depends a) how much, b) why and c) what he was doing about it.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 12/03/2022 22:59

See I've never been large or overweight, I suspect it is why I see it as a lack of self-care for him when he piles it on.

Slipperfairy · 12/03/2022 23:04

Yes and yes.

If I've managed to have 2 kids and not put weight on, then so can he. He is a bit overweight and I would prefer him to lose his belly.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 12/03/2022 23:07

My dp us heavier now than when we met. It doesn't bother me,I am not shallow.
Not about shallow.
My DP would hate if I got fat, so he says.

He put on 5 stone.
I didn't, not because he'd hate me obese more I'd hate it from past issues.

Yourinmyspot · 12/03/2022 23:11

My DH has always been on the bigger size but he’s got bigger over the last few years. It doesn’t bother me with how he looks, but he’s now got high blood pressure which he’s on two medications and type 2 diabetes that he’s on three medications for. He works long hours so is tired and he never exercises. I admit that worries me, not because he looks big but I don’t want him to have really bad medical problems or die young. He’s only 51, and we have a ten year old.

Kuachui · 12/03/2022 23:22

personally im not into chubby

Kuachui · 12/03/2022 23:25

im also not into skinny.

its not shallow its preference, funny how someone can have a preference for white/black/blue eyes/blackhair/smart/funny etc and not be called shallow but suddenly you talk about weight aka health and its a big deal.

ive lost 130 lbs.. i wouldnt have been attracted to obese me. i was unhealthy of nothing else.

venusmay · 12/03/2022 23:27

@Aniita he's not unhealthy though, he's gained weight but is fit and eats a decent diet. It's not about an "attitude" change at all. Maybe it's just very narcissistic people who care so much about their size.

LizzoBennett · 12/03/2022 23:28

I wouldn't find my DH attractive if he gained over 2 stone.

FloBot7 · 12/03/2022 23:37

@ClariceQuiff

My husband has a BMI of 15.9 despite eating junk food all day. I'd be quite glad if he started to put weight on because perhaps then the house wouldn't be full of cake and Mars Bars that I have to try to pretend aren't there, since I gain weight at the drop of a hat.
Same! People keep saying "wait until you get older" but he's already mid-30s and showing no signs of gaining weight.
Hawkins001 · 12/03/2022 23:42

@smoocakes6

Being vague so as to get honest answers . Does it bother you if they get a but chubby ? Do you find them less attractive?
Nope, I prefer ladies with "meaty build" besides it's other factors e.g. Personality, open mind, a good conversationalist ect, those areas matter more to me, than how large a person is
ClariceQuiff · 12/03/2022 23:42

but he's already mid-30s and showing no signs of gaining weight.

Not wishing to be the bearer of bad news but mine is 60! Grin

SheAndHerAreWomen · 12/03/2022 23:42

I've had 5 kids and only weigh about a stone more than when we met 25 years ago. He, however weighs about 6 stone more, and yes it's unattractive. Man boobs and arse cracks are NOT attractive I'm afraid.
He is unfit and snores like a trooper. Goes on a 'diet' all the bloody time but unfortunately grew up with MIL the 'feeder' so no bloody hope Hmm

cheapskatemum · 12/03/2022 23:44

It doesn't bother me at all, but it does bother him. It has a really negative effect on his self esteem, it's that I dislike, rather than the fact he's put on a few stones.

SarahAndQuack · 12/03/2022 23:48

DP was honestly too thin when we first met - she'd got a bit too into 'fitness' and hadn't know where to stop. She then put on a lot of weight when pregnant with DD as she had GD and she took a long time to recover from pregnancy/labour so weight loss wasn't exactly the priority. I think she always looks lovely.

NinjaQueen · 13/03/2022 09:39

@flounfer

he has never dated any one over a particular size.

I don't understand the size restriction. Surely the height is relevant? A 5ft size 10 looks very different to a 6ft size 10

He is short and won't date anyone taller than him either so basically only ever dated petite girls.

It worried me when he said that because a year before meeting him I had been much bigger but found a love of exercise which is how I ended up meeting him.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/03/2022 09:42

My DP put on 2 stone and I didn't fancy him less, but being honest his face looks better slim now he's lost it. However id prefer him half a stone heavier than his ideal weight but it's not up to me.

He has never expressed any concern about me gaining weight but I've been fairly static since he met me, other than the lockdown half stone which I lost pretty quickly. I don't think he would mind as long as it didn't impede sex Grin

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/03/2022 09:44

Same! People keep saying "wait until you get older" but he's already mid-30s and showing no signs of gaining weight.

I don't think people mean mid 30s when they say this!

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