TLTR What can I expect the high school to do for my daughter who is 15yo and really struggling to attend school due to the noise of the other children? Her BMI has drop down to 17 and the doctor says if it drops further, it might become an issue.
DETAILS
My DD is 15yo and in Y11, just finished her mocks with reasonable grades (though her teachers think she can do better) She is in sets 1 and 2 for all subjects.
DD doesn’t mind the schoolwork/teachers and voluntarily attends revision classes held at the end of the school day. As these are small groups of self-selected therefore well-behaved peers.
In years 7 though to 10 she had a near perfect attendance and did all remote work during the Covid lockdowns. We also have other children at this school who are both doing well and get regular attendance and hard work reports.
However, Year 11 has been very difficult for DD. After the relative quiet of home learning, DD cannot cope with the noise of a full classroom and the bad behaviour of the few pupils who like to disrupt the class.
DD has a near permanent stomach pains and feels sick every day. Because she feels like this, she is restricting her food. She won’t eat breakfast, as she worries, she will throw up in school. She won’t eat lunch as she has to stand outside with the rest of her year (darn covid bubbles) and a couple of the boys play football and she has been hit a couple of times (accidently) but it upset her.
She eats a small amount in the evenings when home. However, the GP and I don’t think is an eating disorder, as DD eats well Friday evening and Saturday when she is home and feels safe. Then Sunday she won’t eat much because it is school tomorrow. School holidays are near normal eating until the last day before school returns. GP thinks this is stress or anxiety food restriction. But wants to watch to make sure it doesn’t tip over into an eating disorder.
Last month we took her to the nurse at the local GP practise, who talked to her and looked at her food diary. The GP did blood tests and said all was fine.
Last month the school gave her a toilet pass and appointments with their counsellors, who tested her and said she was fine and didn’t fit the criteria for needing further help.
Unknown to DD the family scales are synced to our phones, and we can see our own weights and also ‘guests’ She only weighs herself monthly, but the last reading showed she had dropped to a 17 BMI reading.
We went back to the doctors this week. She has another blood test next week and he is referring her to CAMHS. Though this is unlikely to be of any use in the short term and it is her weight and final exams which are immediate short-term concern.
GP mentioned the possibility of trying a small dose of an antidepressant just to take until June and over her exams but wanted to do blood test first.
School have now sent us a letter saying her attendance is too low and they might fine us. However, a lot of the time she goes to school and begs the nurse to let her home. So, they are sending her home! How can we be fined if they are sending her home!
Some days are better, and she stays in school all day, but they are rare.
Earlier this week I have asked school to help us. They mentioned a CAMHS referral, but we already have that from the GP.
Bearing in mind all the learning has been completed for the Y11 children, these pupils are revising in lessons from now until exam time.
I suggested any of the following would help DD (in order of her preference)
- DD comes home on study leave (like they give to the badly behaved kids, they do half days) and I supervise her. DD goes to school in evening for revision classes
- DD studies in the school library (no go as she wouldn’t be supervised)
- DD studies in the school library with me (I have an enhanced CRB)
- DD goes to all classes but has a quiet place she can sit during breaks, lunches, and assemblies
- Everything as it is now but teachers don’t call on her in class to interact with them.
The Head of Y11 gave a flat no to all these suggestions. So, I asked the Head of Y11 to come up with a solution herself and she is going to discuss it with another staff member but still hasn’t got back to me two days later.
Other things to note. She has a small group of her friends. No bullying issues. No SEN.
We do talk to her about her food intake. Encourage her to have small snacks over the day. She eats a mixture of healthy food salads and some unhealthy crisps. She knows she doesn’t eat enough. We also explained that some/all her symptoms could be because she doesn’t eat enough.
We have tried herbal remedies and seasickness bands for the sickness.
For the stomach aches we give her 6 plus Calpol and Calpol meltable capsules to take to school, as she can’t swallow pills.
I just don’t what to do. Really, I would be happy to deregister her from school but apparently that would mean we would have to spend loads of money to get her into GCSES exams.
Lastly, over Covid I got really sick. Developed a rare neurology condition. This meant loads of worrying hospitals appointments, we had to leave our DD in charge of her younger siblings, with grandparents close by in case of emergency. I do feel the extra responsibilities and worrying about me made her anxiety worse. I feel very responsible. Now I have a mobility car and my wheelchair I have more independence, but DD and her siblings have more to do around the house and to help me.
AIBU to expect the High School to help my Y11 DD?