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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ANOTHER kids party invite ….

96 replies

Brighton5555 · 10/03/2022 15:39

So… experienced mum and dads how many is too many ? My child has just received another which means 5 in the next 4 weeks and 2 of them happen to be on the same day ( morning and Evening ) 🥱🥱😧

I’ve been to 3 already so far this year… I personally find them boring and some have been set far away or at 9am on a weekend and we have had parties at the same venues over and Over …

I finally declined one for first time last month but now we have another 5…

Did you attend every party ? Is it expected too? Did you let your child decide whether to go or did you ever say no.

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 10/03/2022 16:57

@AnotherPoster

Dont stay if you dont want to. I left my confident 3 year old at a party once. She was the only child guest, the rest were the birthday boys' wider family. I think the mother was surprised I left my daughter but it never occurred to me to stay. I would have declined if I had known I had to stay tbh.

If you really dont feel you can leave your child then yes of course you can decline invitations. I agree 9 parties in 13 weeks is quite restrictive on your family social life.

WTF.

OP, are you a lone parent? Is there another adult in the family who could do some of the parties if you find them so dull?

DrManhattan · 10/03/2022 16:58

It's not about you

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/03/2022 16:59

I attend all parties that DS is invited to. They aren't young for very long, I've got the rest of my life to do what I want to do at the weekends.

AnotherPoster · 10/03/2022 17:02

@TheWayTheLightFalls

I left my confident 3 year old at a party once. She was the only child guest, the rest were the birthday boys' wider family. I think the mother was surprised I left my daughter but it never occurred to me to stay.

Jesus, I can see the MN thread from here! Grin

Yes so can I! Fortunately it was before the days of Mumsnet. I know it looks bad. I can only tell you dd was as happy as Larry to be left. It was like a playdate for her. But I can see the mother of the birthday boy must have been horrified. All I can repeat is that if I had known I was expected to stay I would have declined without hesitation. I didnt know the people (cue everyone saying why leave your dd with them then?) and dont enjoy socialising.
peboh · 10/03/2022 17:06

I don't think there's a number on too many. Your child clearly has lots of friends, and that's lovely. Of courts if the parties don't work for you, you can kindle decline. Though I think it's a bit tone deaf to complain about your child being super popular.

Nocutenamesleft · 10/03/2022 17:08

Oh. We go to all of them!

However my children are home educated. So we all invite the same people as such

I love a kids party! Can’t beat kids party food. Lols

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/03/2022 17:12

My DS has had 4 invites since Jan and he's Y7. It does tail off but perhaps not as much as you think. I always accept unless you we have a prior engagement. But I can remember the craziness of Reception and not being able to drop off.

WitchWithoutChips · 10/03/2022 17:14

Well, call it a class of 30. Some might not have a whole-class party or might have a joint one, so maybe 25 parties over 40 weeks (as they tend to be in term-time). Average of 2-3 parties a month then, but you tend to get points in the year where the birth rate spikes and you'll get a lot of birthdays bunched together, often in Sep-Oc and early summer.

crosstalk · 10/03/2022 17:14

It's up to you and your child. My DC only went to one or two before I called it off - having reciprocated aged 6 and 7. After that it was left to 21. Too many problems, too much competition, too much expense.

lljkk · 10/03/2022 17:22

Only one of 4 DC got lots of invites, the others were socially shunned or ignored. So you could have that to moan about instead.

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 10/03/2022 17:23

Honestly? I would love to have this problem. My youngest doesn’t get invited to any.

Sceptre86 · 10/03/2022 17:32

My son is at nursery and it seems to be the done thing to invite the whole class. He went to one which turned out to be a joint birthday with the child's older sister. He saw the older kids and got overwhelmed and sat in his dad's lap the whole party. He's had 4 more invites and when I've asked him has said yes to one as he liked the child and no to the others. I do let the parents know either way as I think it is only polite. My 5 year old has been invited to one party so far but she didn't want to go. I'm just following their lead, if they know and like the child we will try to go.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 10/03/2022 17:50

I have three of those….

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2022 17:55

@AnotherPoster

Dont stay if you dont want to. I left my confident 3 year old at a party once. She was the only child guest, the rest were the birthday boys' wider family. I think the mother was surprised I left my daughter but it never occurred to me to stay. I would have declined if I had known I had to stay tbh.

If you really dont feel you can leave your child then yes of course you can decline invitations. I agree 9 parties in 13 weeks is quite restrictive on your family social life.

Cheeky fucker.

I would've turned your child away if you'd tried to dump them on me like that.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2022 17:57

Round my way, drop off at 3/4yo is completely normal. I had no idea this wasn't the same everywhere till I found out on mn.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2022 18:00

How old is your child?

At 4/5/6, yes it was boring but we went. At 7/8, onwards, we’d stay for 10/15 minutes, chit chat, cup of tea or whatever then leave. It was always up to them, whether they wanted to go or not.

Peccary · 10/03/2022 18:06

We'll go to all we can, only a couple so far this year. DD is in a 2 class intake which is divided by age so we expect most of them in the summer months. It's the only chance I really get to meet her friend's parents as she is in wraparound. I appreciate it if they are held somewhere with coffee

Heronwatcher · 10/03/2022 18:13

Erm, it’s not aimed at adults- you’re not really meant to come away feeling like you’ve been to a comedy show/ wine bar! You go cause the kids enjoy it and because the birthday boy/ girl will love it. I think YABU because whole class parties last for such a short time- by yr 2 they are few and far between. Of course you can alternate with your partner and get a not too pricey gift though (pens and some haribo fine).

kilo · 10/03/2022 18:22

In the first year of school while I was getting to know everyone I went to every single party, it is a great way of getting to know other parents. Then once friendships were established we prioritised a bit more, and by year 5/6 it was more manageable, smaller and fewer parties. I must admit it pissed me off having my weekend taken up with ferrying the kids around to parties on top of clubs and everything else, and as my DH works away in the week it cut into our family time. So if it wasn't a good friend after year 1, we often said no. I would send my child into school with a present and a card on the day and say 'sorry we couldn't make it, hope DC has fun'. I made sure DCs had plenty of play dates and they never lacked for friends. I still get on well with everyone in my DC's year group and don't think we offended anyone. Luckily most parents at our school are pretty relaxed and realistic about these things and would also feel free to say no to our party invites at times. It feels like a huge deal when they're young (like letting PFB eat sugar) but over time you become more chilled about it and I think everyone appreciates that! X

MrsBerthaRochester · 10/03/2022 18:28

Yabu. Its far worse when your child doesnt get any party invites like my eldest didnt as his moderate learning difficulties meant he never fitted in with his peers. Suck it up buttercup.

WonderfulYou · 10/03/2022 18:29

It can be a pain and gets expensive when you have to buy them all presents but your DC will enjoy it and will remember these events for a long time. So I’d suck it up and enjoy it whilst you still can.

AuntieMarys · 10/03/2022 18:32

I used to do no more than 2 a month. Every weekend is ridiculous.

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 10/03/2022 18:33

Given the general level of misanthropy on MN I think you asked in the right place, OP.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/03/2022 18:34

We did them all, it slows down in a few years.

Emmelina · 10/03/2022 18:35

Reception year is usually AWASH with birthday parties, usually a local soft play or church hall and the whole class gets invited. They do start to taper off within a couple of years as closer friendships are formed and the activities more expensive/complex.