My OH works alone doing god knows what, he tells me he’s busy doing business but never brings any money home. We’re living in a small cramped place and I’m a SAHM. We’re only married the Islamic way and so are not married in the eyes of the law — he said it was unnecessary.
I got married to him straight after leaving college so I haven’t had a job, etc (he didn’t want me to work and I have no access to his money he keeps control of all of this) and then we had a child who’s disabled so I am the carer of my child who has high needs and attends a special school.
I’ve known for a long time that he’s probably a narc, im manipulated all the time and treated like a piece of shit. I take care of the children whilst he lays in bed everyday of the holidays, weekends, etc. He doesn’t lift a finger, never cooked a meal for the kids, if I have an emergency appt they don’t eat until I return (apart from crisps) Unless I’ve left them food out
I’m sorry, this is too long already. He’s never nice to me, I’m not allowed my parents around, and I have to do as he says or it causes big trouble. Silent treatment and I’m punished. He’s never hit me but the emotional abuse seems to be as bad as it can get.
Anyway he never ever comes up to bed, or will not be intimate with me. He stays downstairs all night on his laptop, if I try and imitate things I get the cold shoulder. It’s knocked my confidence even though I’m young and fit, and I’d say fairly attractive. I’m still in shape and haven’t “let myself go”. I’ve bought it up with him so many times and he tells me off and says he’s playing games, he’s not coming to bed or having a bedtime, if he wants to stay up then he will.
Long story short, snooped on his work laptop, I wouldn’t snoop on anyone and don’t condone it, but I couldn’t understand why he’s treating me so awfully and just needed to see what was going on, so I could get out. There was folders full of naked women, sex pages, he’s created a Twitter account just to post sex content, there’s naked pictures of himself, tons and tons of porn. He’s on only fans paying for pictures of women to cover themself in poo. He has a bunch of profiles saying he was to “dominate and degrade” someone and he’s looking for a “sissy slut” I’ve googled this and it seems to be a man who obeys him? Help me out MN am I right? He has screen shots of sex workers profiles from our area. He’s describing himself as a “very experienced Dom” and he’s even got videos of men going in to the public bathrooms, masturbating then sending it to him. There’s probably more I’ve forgot to mention, the folder is hundreds of images and videos long. Even pics of him in my bedroom and just hundreds of naked women sending him stuff. Some payments are £130+ of the women in the bathrooms having a poo and smearing themself in it.
I can’t go in a hostel as homeless as my disabled child won’t cope. I can’t kick him out of here as it’s not our place we’re staying with his family. I don’t have any family around to turn to and I don’t know what I’m entitled to. I’m scared how I’m going to survive and get by with young children and one being disabled.
What the hell do I do? All the dates and times are him being at work doing this all day , no wonder he’s not making any money. And also all Saturday when he’s told me he’s too busy to be off. And I’m alone taking care of our disabled child and the other little ones. (He told me contraption was a no-no) before I’m slammed further for having his kids.
Typed this up very quickly apologies for typos and bad grammar. I almost feel in denial and maybe I should put up and shut up for the sake of my kids as I have no income and don’t know what il do.