Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Partner won’t speak to me because I called my ex

74 replies

Nikki037297 · 09/03/2022 11:27

Me and my ex have a child together and he sees his child once a month as he works away, I rarely speak to my ex and when I do it’s just text messages to arrange for him to collect his child. Last week I called my ex to tell him our child got the school place I applied for and how happy she was. He said that was fabulous news and that was the end of the conversation besides he’s home in 3 weeks can he pick daughter up then.
My partner asked me to day if Iv heard from my ex lately I said I called him last week. Told him exactly what was said and that he’s picking up my daughter in 3 weeks…. Well now 2 weeks. Now my partner hung up the phone, text me told me he’s pi$$ed off with me for talking to me ex! I said it was about our child that we have together! He’s even more in a mood I didn’t tell him exactly at the time… I don’t see at all what I have done wrong! Me and partner have a child together and I’m pregnant. Was it wrong or me to call my ex for the couple of minuets that I did to share to good news of our child? Or is my partner being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:

Arabellla · 09/03/2022 11:29

YANBU, your partner is controlling and this is a massive red flag.

Be grateful that you have seen his true colours and dump him with no regrets.

DenholmElliot · 09/03/2022 11:29

He's being unreasonable.

BlanketsBanned · 09/03/2022 11:32

Of course you can speak to your ex. Your new partner is being very insecure and childish, you are going to either stand up and say yes you call when its important or you will have to be secretive about it and lie which is rubbish.

housemaus · 09/03/2022 11:32

He's being VERY unreasonable. If he can't handle two parents discussing their child (as they should) he shouldn't be dating someone with a child. What a dick.

Get rid of him.

jeaux90 · 09/03/2022 11:33

It's controlling and coercive of your partner. Is he like this in other ways?

You have no reason not to be in touch with your ex regarding your child.

Soul11Soul · 09/03/2022 11:37

He is being completely unreasonable. Withdrawing communication and affection because you have done or said something the other person doesn't like is an attempt at coercive control. Of course you MUST talk to your ex. A good relationship between separated parents is essential for the well being of their child. Your current partner is prioritising his feelings over the welfare of your child.

Unless your ex was abusive or you have since had an affair with him there should be absolutely no reason for you to not communicate with him.

OrlandointheWilderness · 09/03/2022 11:40

Eh?! He's bloody controlling! My BF co parents with his ex, it wouldn't cross my mind to have a hissy fit because they dared to communicate about their child!! I love the fact they have a good working relationship, it shows to be what sort of person BF is I think.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 09/03/2022 11:42

YANBU. He is.

Googlecanthelpme · 09/03/2022 11:48

No you can’t live your life having to report back trivial details to your partner like who you’ve spoken to on the phone each day. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that.

This is coming from his insecurity and honestly you mustn’t back down. It’ll start like this and just escalate with him wanting more and more control.

I would personally handle this by sitting him down, saying sorry he is feeling insecure and upset but there is no way on earth you will be logging and reporting every contact you have with ex. That you have a child and that will mean contract occasionally. And that whilst you appreciate it might niggle at him occasionally, he needs to deal with his insecurities rather than passing them on and that the “silent treatment” is immature and hurtful.

I wouldn’t stand for this bollocks

yikesanotherbooboo · 09/03/2022 12:09

Obviously this is wrong.A nice man would want to facilitate a good relationship between his partner and her ex , the father of her child.He is putting his own emotions before yours.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 09/03/2022 12:11

Your partner cannot handle being in a relationship with someone who has a child with another man.
This isn't going to get better.

Cas112 · 09/03/2022 12:15

He needs to grow the F up. I wouldn't take him on if I was you. You have done nothing wrong so dont pander to him.

Original poster

Nikki037297 · 09/03/2022 12:30

Also I must add my ex is married with two more children and there is not a a single chance of us ever getting back together and my partner knows this full well.
He’s been texting me from work making out I had a nice chat with my ex while he’s been at work and saying it’s my fault he’s in a mood as I should have told him immediately, now he’s worried my ex would have asked to meet up, Iv told him he never would and I was sat in the car while I made the phone call and it will all be recorded on the dash cam and there was nothing at all in that conversation that he has anything to worry about. But still he’s in a mood. We were supposed to be meeting up for lunch now he’s saying he’s not hungry so Iv said I’m not going just so he can sit and either ignore me or be nasty to me and that Iv done nothing at all wrong

OP posts:

Bonbon21 · 09/03/2022 12:33

Are you quite certain your partner us old enough to be in a relationship??

Rachie1973 · 09/03/2022 12:36

@Nikki037297

Also I must add my ex is married with two more children and there is not a a single chance of us ever getting back together and my partner knows this full well. He’s been texting me from work making out I had a nice chat with my ex while he’s been at work and saying it’s my fault he’s in a mood as I should have told him immediately, now he’s worried my ex would have asked to meet up, Iv told him he never would and I was sat in the car while I made the phone call and it will all be recorded on the dash cam and there was nothing at all in that conversation that he has anything to worry about. But still he’s in a mood. We were supposed to be meeting up for lunch now he’s saying he’s not hungry so Iv said I’m not going just so he can sit and either ignore me or be nasty to me and that Iv done nothing at all wrong

Seriously? I’d just tell him to fuck off and speak to me when he wants to start adulting again.

Don’t start ‘proving’ anything. There’s no need.

BertieQueen · 09/03/2022 12:37

Massive red flag.

It’s great that you can communicate with your child’s father about important things don’t let that stop because your current partner is being childish. He seems to want to control you. I would dump him ASAP

Itwasntmeright · 09/03/2022 12:37

Even if you had had a nice chat with your ex, why should that bother him? Does he think you’re his property to control or something?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/03/2022 12:37

Just tell him yeah it was nice to talk to another adult for a change. Reconsider your relationship op. Being with a sulky man child is draining.

Hiddenvoice · 09/03/2022 12:39

You have done nothing wrong! It is actually really nice and refreshing that you get along with your ex, it definitely makes things easier.
Your partner should be thankful that it’s not a stressful situation.
I think it’s lovely that you contacted the ex about your child’s school place and you’re keeping them in the loop.
As you said it was a quick chat and nothing more to it.
I think your partner is quite anxious and becoming jealous of the relationship. You shouldn’t need to overly explain yourself to him.
I get that he feels upset that to him it feels like a hidden conversation but I also feel like he knew about the phone call and was asking you to see if you would admit to it.
Jusg feels very strange that he’s suddenly asked you out of the blue!

Duracellbunnywannabe · 09/03/2022 12:39

Does he normally ask you if you’ve chatted to your ex or is he going through your phone?

skyeisthelimit · 09/03/2022 12:40

He sounds like a jealous school boy and now he is going to sulk about it. It is far better for you and your child if you have a civil relationship with your ex. (I say that as someone who has no contact with XH due to various issues).

Did your DP just think your child's father would disappear into thin air when he came on the scene?

I would advise him to get some counselling for his jealousy. This is 100% his issue not yours.

Shakirasma · 09/03/2022 12:43

You need to stop explaining and justifying.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong, you owe no explanations. Either your partner needs to grow up and shut up, or he needs to fuck right off.

Controlling arsehole

irishfarmer · 09/03/2022 12:43

He is acting like a jealous idiot! Of course talking to your DDs father is ok, a normal occurrence I would imagine!

saraclara · 09/03/2022 12:43

Woah. This is absolutely appalling.

Is this man the reason why you only communicate with your ex by text in the first place?
You and your ex are joint parents. You HAVE to communicate, and it's far better for your child that you do so amicably normally. Your partner is absolutely and unreasonably controlling on this, and his insecurity must be a complete turn off.

You have done nothing wrong, and you really need to spell out to him that he has no right to make rules about how you communicate with your child's father, and that you simply won't stand for this behaviour. Don't let your voice have even a hunt of apology in it, or he'll assume that he is being reasonable and that you have something to apologise for. And you absolutely do not.

SolasAnla · 09/03/2022 12:44

You have a child with your ex.
You have a child with current partner and are pregnant.

You do minimum parent contact with your ex and your current is making accusatory comments that you are responsible for how he chooses to behave?

Thats controlling behaviour 101 "you made me do it". If he wants a healthy relationship he needs to work on his trust issues. You dont control how he chooses to act.

He is refusing to eat lunch with you how would you treat a 2 year old who was behaving that way?

Flip

1 2 3