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Original poster

Partner won’t speak to me because I called my ex

74 replies

Nikki037297 · 09/03/2022 11:27

Me and my ex have a child together and he sees his child once a month as he works away, I rarely speak to my ex and when I do it’s just text messages to arrange for him to collect his child. Last week I called my ex to tell him our child got the school place I applied for and how happy she was. He said that was fabulous news and that was the end of the conversation besides he’s home in 3 weeks can he pick daughter up then.
My partner asked me to day if Iv heard from my ex lately I said I called him last week. Told him exactly what was said and that he’s picking up my daughter in 3 weeks…. Well now 2 weeks. Now my partner hung up the phone, text me told me he’s pi$$ed off with me for talking to me ex! I said it was about our child that we have together! He’s even more in a mood I didn’t tell him exactly at the time… I don’t see at all what I have done wrong! Me and partner have a child together and I’m pregnant. Was it wrong or me to call my ex for the couple of minuets that I did to share to good news of our child? Or is my partner being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
KosherDill · 09/03/2022 12:45

Dump him. Today.

Linguini · 09/03/2022 12:46

FFS.
You're pregnant.
Men have a tendency to lose the plot at this point. I'm really really sorry but he's showing you his true colours now and it'll only get worse.

saraclara · 09/03/2022 12:47

You need to stop explaining and justifying.

Yes.

"I need to communicate civilly with my DC's father, and you do not get to dictate how I do so. I will communicate with him by text, email, call or even in person, according to whichever is appropriate or practicable at the time."

purpleboy · 09/03/2022 12:48

Jesus op, what a tool this man is.

You have done nothing wrong, unless there is some backstory here.

Don't allow this man to control you anymore, tell him bluntly you will speak to you ex whenever you want and if he has a problem with that he can piss off.

Do not explain yourself to him, dashcam for gods sake?? That's bonkers you even went there.

Scarlettpixie · 09/03/2022 12:49

You have done nothing wrong and he is a controlling arsehole. Stick to your guns OP. You may have lots of reasons to speak to your ex in the future. This should not be an issue. It is good coparenting and will be better for your daughter.

My ex has just picked up DS. We had a coffee and a quick chat (mostly about upcoming exams). His partner would have no issue with it. This is normal.

Original poster
Nikki037297 · 09/03/2022 12:53

He does often ask if Iv heard from my ex and when is he collecting child but it is almost always texts and I say oh he’s he text a few days ago he’s coming Friday evening and there is never any more said. I don’t know why he’s flipped at the thought of a phone call with my ex to talk about our child when we were over 200 miles apart but even if we bumped into each other at the shops and chatted and he spoke to his child my partner doesn’t usually mind as long as he’s there and involved and can see and hear it all

OP posts:
FirstTimeSecondTime · 09/03/2022 12:58

He is a jealous prat! Do not let him dictate to you who you can and cannot talk to! And to tell you that’s it’s your fault that he’s in a mood!!!
He needs to get over himself, you have absolutely done nothing wrong

Zilla1 · 09/03/2022 13:00

Might be an idea to check your phone for spyware and/or your home for listening devices depending on where and how you and your ex spoke and whether there is a possibility your 'D'P knew before he asked you.

FirstTimeSecondTime · 09/03/2022 13:00

“He doesn’t mind as long as he’s there and can see and hear it all”?
Why are you putting up with this behaviour?

Aquabluey · 09/03/2022 13:02

He is jealous and nothing else imo. And technically you are supposed to be hormonal as you are pregnant and not him lol.

Is he going to something, difficult time at work or issues with a friend or family by any chance? I am asking because sometimes when people can't handle some thing anger can be displaced.

lunar1 · 09/03/2022 13:10

Don't waste your time trying to justify or prove anything, he's a controlling bully and you need to get out of this relationship.

RealBecca · 09/03/2022 13:11

Jealous and insecure and unacceptable. He shouldn't be asking about your ex and its suspicious that he did and that's what he spends his energy worrying about.

Sittingonabench · 09/03/2022 13:18

Yes he was unreasonable - no you aren’t being unreasonable BUT he’s clearly insecure about something and it would be helpful for you to try and understand what and why and to let him know you want to communicate with him while making it clear you will communicate with your ex about your child.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/03/2022 13:18

Even without a child , you have every right to speak to anyone you like. If your partner has an issue with that, he can break up with you but he can't forbid you from speaking to him.

lborgia · 09/03/2022 13:21

It’s ok as long as he can hear everything and see everything? In what universe is this OK?

Can you read this back to yourself? What are you doing?!

HereBdragons · 09/03/2022 13:23

Your partner is completely unreasonable. It’s one thing to expect your partner to cut off their exes where no ongoing links remain. It’s another thing entirely to expect your partner not to call an ex when they share a child with that ex. You need to be able to have these conversations from time to time. They will reduce as your child becomes an adult but you’re likely to still be discussing driving lessons and university choices when your eldest is 17-18 so your DP needs to learn to tolerate some communication between you and your ex.

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 13:27

Stop telling her to dump him when she has a child with him and is pregnant and she hasn't spoken to him since he hung up.

OP you need a proper, serious chat with him.

whynotwhatknot · 09/03/2022 13:28

As long as hes there and can see and hear it all?

wtf thats not normal

lborgia · 09/03/2022 13:33

@girlmom21 - but it’s not just one call, is it? She clearly says that he’s fine if he knows exactly what is happening at all times. And constantly asks if she has spoken to her ex.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 09/03/2022 13:33

Iv told him he never would and I was sat in the car while I made the phone call and it will all be recorded on the dash cam

Oh wow. The fact that you even had to go there, is ringing alarm bells!

Shoxfordian · 09/03/2022 13:35

Your partner is very jealous and controlling
What steps can you take to get away from him?

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/03/2022 13:37

Did your partner get his new school place, too?

Tell him to stop being a f*ing we hit or sis off.

Honestly, why do people tolerate this sort of crap from partners?

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 13:38

[quote lborgia]@girlmom21 - but it’s not just one call, is it? She clearly says that he’s fine if he knows exactly what is happening at all times. And constantly asks if she has spoken to her ex.[/quote]
With regards to the ex, yeah. I don't think he's right but I don't think she should immediately pack her bags either.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 13:45

Get rid of this man. Please, please trust all of us on this. We know what we're talking about. The abuse and controlling bullshit is only going to get worse. Think of your child end this, right now.

Marvellousmadness · 09/03/2022 13:45

He sounds like a 14yo...

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