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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DP BU or am I?

54 replies

IsNothingSacred1234 · 08/03/2022 22:10

DP and I have been together for 8 years and have young DC. I have a DD (16) from previous marriage. She’s been going through a hard time lately and we’ve been watching a crappy US series for an hour a night as a bonding thing.

DP got in a huff tonight because we were watching it for the fourth night in a row. We have another room he could watch TV in, or he could read, do work whatever.

We’ve just had a row because he feels that we should watch something we can all watch together every other night. I think he’s being a bit controlling and that it wouldn’t bother most people, they’d just find something else to do for that hour.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsNothingSacred1234 · 08/03/2022 22:20

Anyone?!

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 08/03/2022 22:21

I'd stick to your guns on this. He needs to respect both your need to have this time together.

ohhooh · 08/03/2022 22:25

Is he welcome to watch it with you both, or being told no? How are the other DC? Do you have any time in an evening together?

Hard to make a judgement otherwise 🤷🏻‍♀️

ButtockUp · 08/03/2022 22:25

I think it depends on what everyone else wants to watch.
Do your other children want to watch it,
Do you want to watch it?

If only your daughter wants to watch it then it seems a bit much.

Tee20x · 08/03/2022 22:26

Dunno what his issue is - is it that he's feeling left out? If so he can get to grips with the crappy show. Or is it that he's not in control of the situation?

He has another room to watch tv in or he can get on with other stuff for an hour. No biggie what so ever

Original poster
IsNothingSacred1234 · 08/03/2022 22:26

He’s more than welcome to watch it but doesn’t want to… I want to watch it with DD, we have two sitting rooms so he can watch something else if he chooses to. He just doesn’t want to sit on his own basically.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 08/03/2022 22:30

Doesn't he have any hobbies or interests of his own? I cannot imagine an adult being unable to fill an hour quite happily.

He sounds rather suffocating and jealous.

Momijin · 08/03/2022 22:33

Your teen's mental health is more important than a grown man not wanting to spend some evenings by himself or watching something he doesn't want to watch.

Yanbu

SisterRuth · 08/03/2022 22:52

Yanbu. Hasn't he got a shed?

lottiegarbanzo · 08/03/2022 22:55

Couldn't he do some cooking for the freezer, do the next online shop, or plan a holiday? Maybe hang up some laundry and put away the last lot?

Or, just read, or do something on his phone, like most people seeking relaxation.

JetBlackSteed · 08/03/2022 23:01

I'd stick to your guns. She needs you most right now.
He could sit in the same room, but not watch the prog if he doesn't want to feel excluded.
Do you always do the same activities all the time?
We are in the same room, but hes watching a movie and I'm on MN.

iPaddy · 08/03/2022 23:03

Neither of you are U. He's fed up of sitting on his own. I think you should alternate with stuff you all want to watch.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 08/03/2022 23:05

He's being ridiculous.

LittleOwl153 · 08/03/2022 23:06

He sounds very claustrophobic to me. Why can't he give you an hour with your daughter? Seems a bit pathetic if all he has to do is entertain himself. (Sounds as though the other kids are already in bed?). Won't be doing your daughter any good to hear him act like that either as she'll likely think she is causing trouble between you. I think you need to make it clear it will continue as its important and he'll have to get used to it.

user1471517900 · 08/03/2022 23:07

I wonder what the replies would be great if the husband was watching football with his 16 year old son 4 nights in a row while telling his wife she could simply sit alone in the other room....

user1471517900 · 08/03/2022 23:10

No idea how the word "great" appeared there.

Cherrysoup · 08/03/2022 23:10

I think your dd should be your priority, but I kind of get his point. For 4 nights, he’s felt that he can’t/doesn’t want to sit in the same room and you’ve told us he can use the other room. Does he feel excluded? I mean, tough, he needs to understand that your dd is the most important thing currently.

Lambkin689 · 08/03/2022 23:10

Every night does seem a bit much. If he can watch TV elsewhere, he's more concerned about spending time together than about watching what he wants, which is a good thing imo. Why not bond over a tv show that everyone enjoys?

LottyD32 · 08/03/2022 23:13

It's 1hr, not the entire evening. He needs to grow up.

SarahProblem · 08/03/2022 23:14

YABU. For the situation and suggesting he's controlling. He's literally said "let's all watch something we can enjoy together".

OnaBegonia · 08/03/2022 23:26

For those saying 'every night' is too much, it's a ONE hour show, they're not bingeing for 5 hours.
The delicate wee man can amuse himself for an hour.
Is he alway resentful of you spending time with your DD?

sillysmiles · 09/03/2022 02:05

Is the "something we can all watch" actually mean something he wants to watch and thinks everyone else should fine it as entertaining as he does?

What's the show you are watching with your daughter?

Does he recognise/acknowledge she is going through a hard time?

Chloemol · 09/03/2022 02:10

Stick to your guns. It’s important to your child. If he doesn’t want to watch it as well he does something else

FBIAgentRossi · 09/03/2022 02:32

@user1471517900

I wonder what the replies would be great if the husband was watching football with his 16 year old son 4 nights in a row while telling his wife she could simply sit alone in the other room....
It’s not comparable is it. Football is longer than an hour and op has said her husband can watch it with them but chooses not. My husband doesn’t spend every waking hour doing the exact activity I do even when we are in the same room. While OP and DD are watching X , he could sit with them with earphones and an iPad.
steff13 · 09/03/2022 02:57

What is the series? If he doesn't want to sit alone, could he sit in the room with you and read for an hour?