to plan our wedding but not tell future husband?

[Crazyone84]

Bit of background, we have been together 14+ years, mortgage, dog, baby. We both were never really for a wedding and marriage, just not what we wanted.

Last year following birth of baby and mother in law passing suddenly this left my other half (technically) with no next of kin. (We have legal documents written up for mortgage and pensions etc but have heard it is still pretty difficult if something were to happen to either of us)

Anyway last year he proposed to me, all very low key and no big show or announcement, more so just for us. Since then we haven't really planned anything or even set a date. We are both pretty relaxed about it. One thing that has come up is we have talked about going to Vegas for a few days, getting married then coming home, sorted!

We both love each other and share our lives but feel that marriage would be a big legal formality for us to feel more comfortable if the worse were to happen.

Now this maybe me being a cheapskate but I have BA vouchers from a cancelled NYC trip with the girls from covid lock down.

AIBU to secretly book a 4 day trip to Vegas for us to get married and tell him a few days before?

It kinda just gets it done and we won't have the months planning and people trying to do stuff for us which we would appreciate but just don't want the fuss.

We could always have a party once we get back for celebrate with friends and family.

I understand your thinking. I love surprising my loved ones but honestly, this is a step too far. I don't see anything wrong with mentioning your idea for a trip to Vegas even throwing in the possibility of getting married by Elvis but I can't think of any man who would be thrilled by having it sprung on him. In addition, how would you feel if you got to the "ta-dah" moment and he refused ?. Seriously, talk it over. Wishing you both much much happiness.

so I'm getting the vibe that I should tell him and plan together but just us to know????

Yeh, that's the feeling.

Google 'Las Vegas Wedding Packages' - there's loads, like this.
Then sit down with him to find out what appeals. Your wedding has to be a joint venture, no matter how much of a procrastinator he is.

Are you worried he procrastinates because he doesn’t really want to get married? It’s one thing proposing but actually marrying is another. Is that why you want it all sealed up and hard to back out of?
Let him know the plans and may be have a back up plan in the U.K. incase he wants family to attend. If he keeps wanting to procrastinate then you have a problem. Good luck op

Does he want to go to Vegas?

I’d never forgive you if you forced me to go to that place!

My DH is a procrastinator. When we got engaged he had an idea of a big family wedding until I said "fine but you can plan it". My family is huge and overseas so it would have been difficult to pay for them all, especially with the usual childcare being other guests so leaving children at home wasn't possible. It would have been 60 guests on my side without any friends. I planned out an "elopement" and he was quickly taken with the idea. I use the quotation marks because we told everyone what we were planning. It wasn't a traditional elopement but more of a wedding just for the two of us, followed by an epic road trip. The whole thing including our honeymoon road trip came to £10,000 which was far less than an average "nice" wedding.

YANBU but ONLY if you are 100% certain he would like this.

I know my husband wouldn’t have liked it, he wanted a traditional shebang. I would have been ok with it though - I’m not the biggest fan of surprises but if it was just us I think it would have been great.

Whatever you decide, congratulations and I hope this helps to soothe some of heartaches you’ve had this year.

We are the same as you, neither really cares about marriage but will do it sooner or later for legal reasons. Only you know, I would 100% be happy for anyone else to arrange it, not tell me and I had to just go along, my partner would be 100% happy also to have no involvement at all. Just not our thing, not a dream, just some formality that needs to happen at some point. Only you know if you're partner is like that.

My old boss did exactly this, and it was vegas! She didn’t tell him until the morning of the wedding. He was more than happy with it! I say do it x

OP I've had a look at the link to Las Vegas Wedding packages I posted upthread.
The Chapel of the Flowers looks good. The Traditional Las Vegas Wedding
(with the upgrade to Romantic) in the Victorian Chapel will be charming and picturesque and will photograph well. You can phone your parents in the morning and they can watch online.
Job done!
Or maybe you would like to have a say in the planning of your own wedding?

@AngelicInnocent no it was our own solicitor here in the UK had to certify it. They never questioned the marriage certificate for my passport, driving licence etc but our bank wouldn't accept it unless it was certified by a UK solicitor or similar because it was international, not sure why but it was quite straightforward

Tickets could be for a honeymoon.

You say he's a procrastinator.
A procrastinator would hate this.
I know as I am one.

Please don't drop it on him.

@Crazyone84

so I'm getting the vibe that I should tell him and plan together but just us to know????

My parents could even think we are just going on a trip if they look after the baby

Yeah I think it's best really, a surprise is nice and all but for something like actually getting married you really need to tell him and make sure he's happy to go ahead with that (even if you're 99% sure that he is already, I think you still need to make sure-sure)

So OP @Crazyone84 did you do it? did you tell him?

Yes - I think we need an update!