Colleague constantly biting nails and picking scabs

[melonsalad]

I work in a small office environment.
There's a woman on the team who is constantly biting her nails (often till the actually bleed) and picking scabs and spots. It's at the point where being around her makes me wince, I feel ill. The biting noise goes through me and she even does it when in meetings or speaks to senior people. Maybe a nervous thing but its disgusting for everyone around her.
She's a nice person but these dirty habits make me sick.
Usually the 2 of us have to share a corner of the office so we are always in close proximity. WWYD?
Obviously I don't want to cause any trouble at work or come across nasty but she literally makes me feel sick. Most days my lunch ends up in the bin as I lose my appetite.

It’s unpleasant but unusual behaviour. Extreme and obsessive skin picking is a psychological thing and is to be empathised with rather than disgusted by.

Can you create a screen or reposition your equipment so that you aren’t actively facing her?

Have a quiet word with your line manager, who can maybe have a sensitive word with her?

Eat your lunch away from your desk?

Ask to be moved?

What makes it dirty? Compulsions like this are often deeply seated and can't always be helped.

I'd have huge sympathy for her, because I very much doubt she is choosing these behaviours. They're much more likely to be compulsions.

I would also be absolutely disgusted, I can't stand any sort of picking, chewing etc. it turns my stomach, literally makes me gag. So on that basis I'd ask to be moved, or I'd change jobs. I can't even bear watching someone idly pick at their skin in any way... but I'm aware my response is strong, just like her compulsion is strong, and there is no real right or wrong.

YABU to call it a dirty habit.
YANBU if you were concerned about her state of mind and wanted to find ways to stop this.
Maybe someone (who isn’t you) could have a gentle word and help her find alternatives.

Poor woman. She's probably very anxious. Nobody enjoys hurting themselves, but it's a compulsion.

Compulsive nail-biting is often part of an OCD. I'd ask to move if it'll help.

this is it

I think this is called Dermataphagia, something like this. My friend had badly. She gets a chewy sensory thingy to bite instead and has stopped chewing her nails and fingers. I don't know how you could kindly suggest this though.

She absolutely can’t help it and it probably trying to do it to a minimum already. As a reformed bail biter and someone with tics/anxious behaviours myself she will already be extremely conscious of what she is doing. She also probably thinks she is being subtle. This is something you will have to suck up I’m afraid - you will make her feel awful if you point it out

I do this, I really try not to, it's not deliberate. My solution is fake nails, for some reason I don't do it with them

How do you know it’s disgusting for “everyone around her”? Have you been speaking about her habits to “everyone”? Don’t have the guts to ask her about it yourself? Instead you whine on the internet. How sad.

1. She can't help it.
2. I don't see why her biting her nails is affecting you or making you feel sick, and I strongly doubt 'everyone around her' is bothered by it.
3. You appear to be bizarrely over-squeamish.
4. Has it occurred to you that you probably do things that 'go right through' people too? Some people can't stand to hear another person eating near them, or clearing their throat, or typing in a certain way.
5. It's not a 'dirty habit'. She's not picking her nose or scratching her arse, ffs.

I used to sit near someone who chewed gum a lot. I absolutely loathed the sound of it, the sight of it and the minty smell of it. However, I recognised that this was very much my problem and not his and I certainly didn't say anything or go on about how disgusting and dirty it was.

It’s really grim. I know it could be a disorder but it doesn’t make it any more pleasant for anyone else. I have a skin picking disorder (you don’t know if she does, I know that) that goes along with OCD and I know how yuk it is for others. I have to realise I’m doing it and then stop rather than actively choose to pick at something.
I would ask to move, if it’s that bad. I always wouldn’t want to be near bits of skin or flakes of scab so I get that.

@melonsalad

I work in a small office environment. There's a woman on the team who is constantly biting her nails (often till the actually bleed) and picking scabs and spots. It's at the point where being around her makes me wince, I feel ill. The biting noise goes through me and she even does it when in meetings or speaks to senior people. Maybe a nervous thing but its disgusting for everyone around her. She's a nice person but these dirty habits make me sick. Usually the 2 of us have to share a corner of the office so we are always in close proximity. WWYD? Obviously I don't want to cause any trouble at work or come across nasty but she literally makes me feel sick. Most days my lunch ends up in the bin as I lose my appetite.

Wince Disgusting Dirty Make me sick

Bit like your OP tbf.
Have you tried empathy?

Ffs. Give OP a break. This woman is not necessarily suffering from a mental health problem nor trying her best to stop. She may not even be aware that she's doing it. Some people just have disgusting personal habits. One of my colleagues picks his nose constantly. I actually haven't had to sit near him for a couple of years now but I remember being grossed out by it daily.

The only option is to move so you can't see her and make sure you eat your lunch away from her and your desk. Now the weather is improving can you get outside at lunchtimes? Can you find an excuse to move desk or wear headphones/angle your screen away from her?

I sat next to a nose picker/ much time farter and it was revolting. I think our responses to this type of thing is quite primeval and built in.

I think your post is really insensitive. Especially to call it a dirty habit. It sounds like she has dermatillomania, which is an awful condition. My friend has it and she really, really struggles. She’s so embarrassed. Most people don’t pick their skin until it bleeds for the fun of it.

And I really don’t think pp can liken picking your skin until it bleeds, something which physically hurts you, to nose picking. It’s not the same thing.

I had a colleague who did this, it was part of an anxiety issue. He tried all sorts but couldn't stop. It didn't bother me. I think you just need to try and ignore it.

I think you should approach it on the basis that the woman concerned needs help.

You can buy little rings with balls on to distract you from the skin. That was the first time I realised this wasn't just something I did!

I bit my nails for years and didn't realise I was doing it a lot of the time, it was definitely an anxiety thing. I've now managed to stop but to replace it I now count things over and over (in my head) which drives me mad but at least it doesn't interfere with anyone else.

I doubt she means to do it to annoy anyone and probably dislikes it as much as you do.

I’m a nail biter. I will even chew the skin around my fingers if I have no nail left to bite

I don’t even realise I’m doing it most of the time