Are sensitive dc on the increase ?

[iheartmybeachhut]

Just curious really, so many parents describe their dc as sensitive nowadays and I'm wondering why that is. Is it more prevalent on here than in rl ?
Several parents I know are helicopter types whilst others let their dc be kids, getting grubby and grazing knees. I was the latter parent. Not saying there is a right or wrong way but I'm interested in the thoughts of others.

I’m far from a helicopter parent with 2 kids. One is the most sensitive soul I’ve ever met and the other a rougheon.

You say you aren't claiming what's right and wrong but you do sound judgemental of these 'helicopter parents'.

I am not a helicopter parent, my children run pretty wild and free and are always muddy, but my son is what I think you would describe as 'sensitive'.

It's not a new thing, he would have been just as sensitive if he was born 100 years ago.

I suspect people in the past were for better or worse less sympathetic to sensitive children and just expected them to get on with it.

I think the amount of sensitive kids is the same as it always has been, but opportunities to build resilience and confidence are reduced - due to covid, risk averse parents, lack of money or time to do hobbies etc. I think a lot of kids don’t learn ‘life skills’ such as staying away from home and learning to settle themselves, being able to regulate emotions without being reasoned with etc.

I think parents are more aware these days? We want to protect our children from the psychological harm caused by us, rather than just excusing it and making the same mistakes as our parents?

But I think some parents also project onto their kids. I saw a four-ish year old being told not to go on certain equipment because they “will fall and will get hurt”. That child will clearly internalise that speech.

Also I think with the amount of cars on the road nowadays and fear of abductions etc from parents, kids don’t play out in a group and develop their social skills and resilience away from adults at all. In the 90s we learned so much from hanging around in a group cycling about, with kids older and younger. Activities are more adult driven now and kids don’t get chance to develop their own personalities I feel

I work with kids day in day out. I actually find a lot of the over anxious helicopter parents have very robust children they just don’t see it themselves sometimes. I also see some very sensitive and anxious children whose emotional needs aren’t really met by parents with a “let them get on with it” approach.

Yes, without a doubt. A lot of it is bred by parental anxiety. Going to the park you hear "don't go on X it's too high" and "be careful" to a toddler climbing up one step. I got 'told off' for pushing a swing too fast by one parent.

That constant narrative to look for perceived danger creates children that do the same and become anxious/sensitive.

I think there's a mixture.

One of mine is often described as anxious and sensitive.
Often when she talks how she feels, I recognise it because that's how I felt at her age.
But it was somewhat ignored back then, so I didn't often express it out loud.
Is that a good thing?

The answer is, that I don't know.
I think my childhood would have been easier if I could have felt that I could admit to being scared/worried etc.
But otoh I did develop strategies to cope, and I don't think anyone realised how churned up inside I was. When I coped then that often gave me confidence to try next time, or something different.
She doesn't. She says "my anxiety is playing up" and doesn't try to do it.

It's very difficult to tell where the line is between "I don't want to do it and I'm not going to try" and "I am too worried about it to try" and I don't think even she knows where it is.

That means it can be very difficult to know when to push her a little to try and when to back off. That means that sometimes she does a little try and gives up, but the next time doesn't try. It doesn't help her never pushing through because she doesn't know when she can push through. I hope that makes sense.

@HeadToToesNo

You say you aren't claiming what's right and wrong but you do sound judgemental of these 'helicopter parents'.

I am not a helicopter parent, my children run pretty wild and free and are always muddy, but my son is what I think you would describe as 'sensitive'.

It's not a new thing, he would have been just as sensitive if he was born 100 years ago.

Sorry if I came across as judgy I'm really not as it doesn't affect me and mine. I agree with others though that dc are mainly adult led in alot of their activities and the dc don't always get chance to do things because of fears [sometimes groundless] projected by parents as Rock said.

I think kids today are being done such a disservice. I feel sorry for them and a big chunk of society needs to look at what it's raising. God help us in the face of a future invasion, that's all I can say.

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe

I work with kids day in day out. I actually find a lot of the over anxious helicopter parents have very robust children they just don’t see it themselves sometimes. I also see some very sensitive and anxious children whose emotional needs aren’t really met by parents with a “let them get on with it” approach.

This is sad but interesting.

I suppose it is fair to say you could create a sensitive child by wrapping them in cotton wool but there will also be children out there sensitive by nature who have bullish parents telling them “don’t be so silly there’s nothing to be afraid of looks everyone else is doing it” equally damaging IMO.

I think as parents it’s best to be a confident leader of your children, and giving too much fuel to talk about worries etc actually legitimises illegitimate fears for them. So there is a half way house between talking through and sympathising with every tiny thing and the ‘don’t be silly get on with it’ approach. It also depends on the situation. So monsters under the bed would get much shorter shrift ‘oh yes our minds play tricks at night but I assure you there are no monsters, you just trust me when I say you’re safe and it’s time for bed’ than say concerns about the war with Ukraine, which I’d allow for much more sympathetic discussion and prove a bit more; where as being nervous about play equipment I’d say something along the lines of ‘ooh yes these things are scary at first but get better once you try’ I’d then encourage them to do it but leave the final choice to them.

There have been plenty of reasons in the last 2 years to cause children to become more sensitive. Whether they were aware of the pandemic or not, it's natural that some parents were more cautious and protective of their children and that is effecting them even now. Children's feelings are validated more now than when I was a kid and I don't think it's a bad thing

I was an extremely sensitive little soul but I was a 70s child and regularly got told to ‘toughen up lady’ I am still sensitive but I am pretty resilient. No helicopter parents in the 70s!!

I agree with the claims that kids don't have the same opportunities to develop resilience, but also that people are more accepting of the fact their children are sensitive and don't just ignore it. And I don't think those two things are the same.

I definitely think there's an anxiety crisis going on for our kids and think that is largely because there is so much focus on safety over relatively minor risks.

I think sensitive children always have and always will exist, but they were not allowed to dictate things to the extent some of them are today. I was at an event with my child once and a friend brought her son over to say hello. He pulled her away fairly quickly then later we went to do an activity next to them (but not too close as I was aware he didn’t want to be too friendly). Friend and I started to chat but again he quickly pulled her somewhere else leaving us alone. And I thought then that there’s a fine line between supporting your shy/sensitive child and allowing them to be rude and exclude other people.

My dd is insanely sensitive, sometimes I think it's my fault but I think it's just her personality ...plus she inherits it from me a little 😶

Letting your kids get grubby is nothing to do with them being / not being sensitive imo.

I don’t think more kids are sensitive, just as more kids probably aren’t autistic, dyslexic or have learning difficulties compared to 50 years ago but more so that we are able to recognise these things more now.

There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, you sort of imply there is with the suggestion that ‘helicopter’ parenting causes children to be sensitive.

I think it's situational for mine, 3 and 1.

Both ride ponies, to fast, go on tractors, older can drive a quad, with supervision. Ride bikes, older one lambed a sheep today, tough in one view. Have sat through a ten day power cuts its huge destruction, snow storms, flooding

Put them in a room with strangers, for example a party, or a supermarket, crying clinging screaming. In little ones case. Won't speak and will cry if spoken to in older one case.

They have spent their little life's completely with me, and that absolutely shows. Saying that my eldest has skipped happily to a tiny village nursery, and is thriving.

So yes, in some situations they are extremely sensitive, but in others they are very practical.

And yes absolutely I am aware of rudeness and spend huge amounts of time encouraging them to speak and wave and smile, but they just still become very different people amongst others.

My eldest is sensitive, imo. Not sure why though I think it's some combination of nature and nurture.

There are no more than there have ever been I wouldn't have thought. The difference is than in past generations it would have either discouraged or ignored. Children were indulged less, required to fit in more and were rewarded for the type of behaviours adults approved of. Sensitivity would not have won much approval or positive attention so children probably suppressed it more.

My father and grandfather were sensitive souls as is one of my dc. They were good men who served and fought for their country but they paid the price for it in terms of anxiety and depression. There can also be a lot of bravery in feeling anxious but doing things anyway. If my father and grandfather had the support and recognition for their mental health needs then maybe they could have lived happier lives. Certainly for my dc knowing themselves and having that support means they can make career decisions to find a job that will be fulfilled but not too stressful.

Each of my dc are different and if you only met one you might assume that I was a certain sort of parent, but meeting another one would give an entirely different perception.