Are sensitive dc on the increase ?

[iheartmybeachhut]

Just curious really, so many parents describe their dc as sensitive nowadays and I'm wondering why that is. Is it more prevalent on here than in rl ?
Several parents I know are helicopter types whilst others let their dc be kids, getting grubby and grazing knees. I was the latter parent. Not saying there is a right or wrong way but I'm interested in the thoughts of others.

I'm a bit of a helicopter parent and neither of my DC could be described as sensitive. They're surprisingly resilient in fact. On the other hand my parents were far from helicopter parents, we roamed far and wide with lots of freedom and independence yet I was a sensitive soul as a child? I mostly grew out of it. I feel it was innate but who knows what early childhood experiences shaped it?

There were always “sensitive” children, 50 years ago you were a child until you were 16 you did as you were told, decisions were made for you. Today the pressure on children is immense, social media, exam pressure, sex and fashion, not all are able to cope so more mental health problems occur.

From the perspective of a primary school teacher, I think there seems to be higher levels of sensitive children where there has been either early trauma, parents with mental health problems, or unengaged parents. That’s not to say all sensitive children have had these negatives in their lives, though, but there seems to be a small correlation.

I think that being sensitive is a character trait. I am sensitive but one of my brothers has the sensitivity of a house brick. I am glad I was pushed outside of my comfort zone at times because I think it did build resilience and taught me that the worst does not always happen.

They've spend 2 years of their childhood in q pandemic hearing people will die if they go near them watching their teachers teach in masks qnd in my child's case having half the class off at the same time. Of course they are sensitive I would be werid if they werent

I think sensitivity and resilience are different things actually and you are conflating the two.

Working with children, I see sensitive children as those who are more affected by the world around them. They may agonise over friendship upsets, feel more unsettled by world events, be hyper aware of their parents/friends emotions etc. How they show that sensitivity varies according to what messages they are given at home.

Children that lack resilience find it hard to overcome challenges in school. Getting upset or angry or becoming disengaged when learning is hard. Giving up easily, feeling entitled to extra help etc. I think this comes from both uninterested and over-interested parenting.

There's different kinds of "sensitive"

DS1 has ASD so can be "sensitive". In the past he wouldn't have been diagnosed, but also he'd have had fewer triggers; less background noise, more space to explore and be alone. Some things would have bee easier for him, some things harder and less understanding.

Acknowledging difficulties is important, but I do wonder if there is too much focus on general issues. The education system is very pressured, stress is too normal and there seems to be posters and lip service everywhere but little actual action. I was in a secondary school the other day, with posters everywhere about pastoral care and social issues. Awareness is good, but seeing it constantly is not always helpful. Escapism is important.

Some parents can be very clingy and not give children space to develop for themselves. But children need to be listened too.

I think some of it is that we are more aware and listen better. But it's also not a very healthy child-centric society either.

Are we talking sensitive, as in readily feels and shows emotions, or are we talking snowflake who lacks resilience and has a meltdown if the world doesn’t shape itself to their whims?

I don’t think there are more of the former, there have always been plenty of kids like that, but there sure do seem to be a lot more of the latter.

To be fair, I grew up in the 80s and 90s, played outdoors with my mates, got injured etc etc and most of the people around me now are riddled with anxiety, historic and deep-rooted parental issues and absolutely no resilience. No fault of theirs.

Thankfully our parents were kind and hands on and led by example with their behaviour, probably somewhere between helicopter and ‘let kids be kids’. We were taught how to handle our emotions and make choices. We’re all confident and well balanced and independent.

I think there’s a middle ground to be had, and many more parents are thankfully striving for that I think, rather than shouting and smacking and time outs etc, or at the opposite end, indulging.

Whether you are a sensitive soul entirely depends on your personality.

@Crazykatie I do think the ‘I’m in charge do as you’re told’ (in a kind loving way) is undervalued parenting tool that actually helps absolve anxiety and over thinking. I don’t think children need as much autonomy as we think they do. Same with not agonising about making sure they get what they asked for. My youngest DS asked for a birthday party which was possible but to be honest would have cause me a lot of stress. I’ve gone for something I know he’ll love on the day. He was quite disappointed and was upset but I’ve told him to trust me that he’ll still have a great time and that the other option just wasn’t possible. He got over it so quickly really but it would have been easy for me to back track when he was crying because I felt guilty!

It's perfectly normal to be sensitive. It means you care about other peoples feelings and you are in touch with your own.

I will probably get slated for this but I think if you want adults who can cope with shit stuff, you need to let kids cope sometime and not step in to "make it all better". Sometimes you have to not step in/intervene to make them feel better.

Several parents I know are helicopter types whilst others let their dc be kids, getting grubby and grazing knees.
I'm in the latter group but I still have a child who is scared of most films and won't go on the smallest, slowest Rollercoaster at legoland. She's easily frightened and generally over sensitive.

I guess the difference is that parents these days indulge then and try to help them, whereas in the (further) past they might have just been told to shut up and stop crying.

Wonder if it’s the whole social media/forums people are more open about their children? Not so much there is more, rather we are just able to talk about it more and show it to others more. ‘Back in the day’ parents just cracked on with it, now it’s open for everyone to see.
Sincerely, a helicopter mother with the most robust daring child who challenges me with this daily as if it is his life’s mission

I do think the ‘I’m in charge do as you’re told’ (in a kind loving way) is undervalued parenting tool that actually helps absolve anxiety and over thinking. I don’t think children need as much autonomy as we think they do. Same with not agonising about making sure they get what they asked for.

This. Always being given choices etc gives responsibilities - if you don't like your choice you only have yourself to blame. If mummy decided because she's in charge, you can sulk at her for a bit (cathartic!) then swiftly get over it because you've got distracted by something else.

Whenever I see people on Mumsnet saying their child is ‘sensitive’ they’re usually misusing the term and are actually describing a child who is either immature or just a drama queen. Their children are actually no more sensitive or empathic than anyone else’s children, and sometimes less so.

I think a large chunk of it is down to personality not parenting. At school/nursery, the weeping children being carried in don't necessarily correlate with the children of helicopter parents who, as someone said above, are often surprisingly confident.

I also think the 'just get on with it' school of parenting can be unhelpful. Helicopter parenting has its disadvantages but can also work better for some children if done in a positive, enabling way. For example, 'you're worried about going up that climbing-frame. Do you want me to come too? Let's do it together'. Rather than 'oh no, that looks dangerous, come down from there'. Some children need to have that feeling of safety, that someone is there to catch them if they fall, before they can fully engage with the world. You need to give children the tools and the support they need so they feel safe to strike out on their own.

That extends to social situations. My siblings and I were shy, timid children and our mother was very much 'go away and play with the other children' at social events. We'd either be in a corner on our own or find somewhere to hide until it was time to go home. Young children especially sometimes need support in learning how to approach each other and to talk to each other nicely and take turns. As a parent, you can model it for them in playground interactions, but that means being there some of the time, helicoptering, teaching them 'if X is blocking the slide, just ask him could he please move'. They don't necessarily learn these things on their own.

@OfstedOffred

I will probably get slated for this but I think if you want adults who can cope with shit stuff, you need to let kids cope sometime and not step in to "make it all better". Sometimes you have to not step in/intervene to make them feel better.

I'm not going to slate you, but just from my own experience the lack of intervention did nothing for me. I got the tough love treatment of my father's generation and some child abuse on top. No one stepped in for me ever, I had quite literally the opposite of a helicopter parent. I'm still a very sensitive person. It's because I'm a human being with feelings and that's alright. My mindset is not "resilient" in the sense that I know I'm strong, can move on etc, but I do pick myself up and move forward in time because it's either that or d!e. I just get a little bit weaker every time something knocks me. The way resilience is used is often a misconception; it's a label that too often gets applied to traumatised people who don't allow themselves to process their feelings. That's not true resilience, it's avoidance/repression.

Kneading kitty - in my post note I said "sometimes".

I'm talking about as an occasional strategy within a loving supportive family with no abuse.

LottyD32
I think kids today are being done such a disservice. I feel sorry for them and a big chunk of society needs to look at what it's raising. God help us in the face of a future invasion, that's all I can say.

Couldn't aqgree more.

Some of it is definitely the parents. I know a m

I know a mother who is constantly telling her child they'll fall, break their neck, die... and then wonders why her child won't go on the monkey bars, won't try roller skates, won't go on the trampoline. Poor child's scared to death

Why do you think how a child is parented makes them more sensitive. My kids were more free range than most and allowed to get grubby but one of them is pretty sensitive. What's your angle?

It's worrying when such judgemental and basically incorrect comments about children are made by a teacher.

DogsAndGin
'From the perspective of a primary school teacher, I think there seems to be higher levels of sensitive children where there has been either early trauma, parents with mental health problems, or unengaged parents. That’s not to say all sensitive children have had these negatives in their lives, though, but there seems to be a small correlation.'

I think sensitive kids are just that. It’s their temperament. My child is boisterous and pretty robust, but he’s only 3 and I’ve done nothing to make him that way. I think encouraging kids to express their true feelings is good. Sensitive kids aren’t problem children, you can have a whiny, easily upset child who grows up into a strong and well adjusted adult. I pretty sure I was quite a sensitive child (probably more to do with the abandonment of my father though).

I think any parenting can result in sensitive children, having said that, I hate helicopter parenting.