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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this near accident was DP's fault

72 replies

bunpot · 07/03/2022 15:37

I haven't passed my driving test yet so asking here for some perspective on whether this was out of DP's control /whether he did the right thing in the situation. I feel like he didn't.

We were driving along a country road and he decided to overtake. There was a bend ahead (it was a year ago so I'm hazy on exactly how far ahead it was). While we were overtaking, a car came round the bend towards us. DP sped up to try to finish the overtake and get back in lane, but there wasn't time and we were fast approaching a head on collision, so he had to break hard and tuck back in behind. Has anyone else ever been in this position?

To me it felt like a near death experience. He is usually not stubborn but he got really defensive when I suggested he should apologise to me for putting our lives in danger.

OP posts:

Original poster

bunpot · 07/03/2022 15:38

Just to add the oncoming car had to break too

OP posts:

nearlyspringyay · 07/03/2022 15:39

It was nearly a year ago?

Overtaking on a bend is stupid as fuck.

What do you want to happen now?

Rewritethestars1 · 07/03/2022 15:40

Well clearly your dp was in the wrong but why is this still a thing a year later and do you really want him to apologise a year after the event

fleurpots · 07/03/2022 15:40

Yes, his fault. Should never overtake approaching a bend, and in this situation, he absolutely should not have sped up to try and overtake - that was extremely stupid of him.

I have been the person being overtaken in this situation, during a driving lesson no less, and it was terrifying.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 07/03/2022 15:40

That was obviously his fault.
He overtook without enough clear road ahead to see what was coming and he put you both in danger as well as the people in the other car.

How could he be defensive? What was his excuse? How could it be anyone else's fault.

He couldnt see far enough ahead, he misjudged how long it would take to over take, he seems to have misjudged the speed of his own car if it was that hard to overtake and he took too long to realise he had to pull back in behind.

All his fault.

LIZS · 07/03/2022 15:40

You don't overtake unless you have clear view for the entire manoeuvre. So not approaching a bend or brow of a hill for example. Why query this so much layer though?

KylieCharlene · 07/03/2022 15:40

He was definitely in the wrong trying to overtake on a country rode with an upcoming bend.
Yes, I've been passenger in similar situation and I now won't allow my dc in this person's car.

Parky04 · 07/03/2022 15:42

Of course it was his fault. Overtaking on a bend is irresponsible and dangerous. What has his driving been like since?

buckeejit · 07/03/2022 15:42

100% his fault & a red flag that he's so defensive about it.

Grasping · 07/03/2022 15:43

You really don’t know the answer?

Bayleaf25 · 07/03/2022 15:46

His fault, but strange that you are asking about something that happened a year ago?

girlmom21 · 07/03/2022 15:46

You don't need to have passed your driving test to know you don't drive on the wrong side of the road if you can't see what's coming.

Original poster

bunpot · 07/03/2022 15:46

Thinking about it now as it's approaching the time of year where we'll be on long drives together a lot. I take your point about what do I want to do with this info as there's no way I'd win this argument after so much time has passed.. Just trying to figure out how to prevent it happening again

OP posts:

sillysmiles · 07/03/2022 15:47

It was a year ago - why is it an issue now?

Surely the conversation would go something like
Both: Fuck!
OP: What were you thinking?
Him: I thought I had enough space/time.
OP: That was scary
Him: Are you ok?
OP: Ya..

And everyone moves on.

girlmom21 · 07/03/2022 15:48

@bunpot

You prevent it happening again by not letting him take you on long drives because he sounds like an idiot.

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/03/2022 15:48

You can't prevent him from driving like an idiot. You can refuse to get in the car with him though if you think he would do it again.

Original poster

bunpot · 07/03/2022 15:49

Just to emphasise I don't care about an apology, just want him to not do it again. Maybe I can shoehorn it into conversation after one of my driving lessons

OP posts:

sillysmiles · 07/03/2022 15:51

I suggested he should apologise to me for putting our lives in danger.

This sounds weird to me, what did you expect him to say? Perhaps the car he was overtaking also speed up while he was overtaking. Perhaps he felt is was close but not actually a near death experience you seem to think it was?

He shouldn't have been overtaking into a bend - that is obvious - but I wouldn't be dwelling on it.

And/Or get you tested sorted so you can drive if you are both going places.

TooManyPJs · 07/03/2022 15:51

It just sounds like he misjudged an overtake. Judging overtaking can be tricky. Unless his driving is always very worrying and reckless you are massively overreacting.

If he pulls this type of thing constantly then the only thing you can do if he won't discuss it is refuse to get in a car with him. And maybe reconsider the relationship!

Seemssounfair · 07/03/2022 15:52

Surely he knows it was his fault too, got a fright and has adjusted his driving since so he doesn't end up in the same position again.

If he hasn't, I would not get in a car with him again, especially on country roads where most fatalities happen.

BlingLoving · 07/03/2022 15:52

@sillysmiles

It was a year ago - why is it an issue now?

Surely the conversation would go something like
Both: Fuck!
OP: What were you thinking?
Him: I thought I had enough space/time.
OP: That was scary
Him: Are you ok?
OP: Ya..

And everyone moves on.

Yes, this. I don't know why you're obsessing about him doing it again - unless he has form for overtaking on blind bends? Surely it was a mistake and it's not something he does regularly.

ANameChangeAgain · 07/03/2022 15:53

I think we all make mistakes and learn from them. I wouldn't apologise or expect an apology, it would be more of a case of a few expletives and then a silent, contemplative rest of the journey.

Hawkins001 · 07/03/2022 15:53

@bunpot

I haven't passed my driving test yet so asking here for some perspective on whether this was out of DP's control /whether he did the right thing in the situation. I feel like he didn't.

To me it felt like a near death experience. He is usually not stubborn but he got really defensive when I suggested he should apologise to me for putting our lives in danger.

It's a rookie error, and over confidence on your partner driving

GaspingGekko · 07/03/2022 15:53

Is this kind of thing normal for your DH? If not I'd say he badly misjudged how far away the corner was and how quickly he could overtake.

I'm pretty sure all drivers have managed to misjudged something at some time or another, though perhaps not as dramatically.
He messed up, it was his fault and he might have been pretty embarrassed about it (I would have been). Asking for an apology is a bit odd though IMO.

Hawkins001 · 07/03/2022 15:54

I don't drive but I've watched enough dash cam, accidents to know you don't overtake when approaching a bend

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