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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you'll sponsor a Ukrainian refugee?

280 replies

TheBeesKnee · 07/03/2022 13:17

The humanitarian pathway means that charities, communities and individuals can sponsor refugees. I've felt very disturbed and useless this past week and want to do something, contribute somehow, make a difference to someone's life.

We have a spare room, so we could take someone in? Just need to talk to DP.

Would be interested to hear if anyone else plans to or experiences - either in this war or any previous if applicable.

OP posts:
needingpeace · 09/03/2022 13:33

I won’t but I’ve got small kids. If I had no kids then I would. I’ll give money to a charity helping

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/03/2022 13:35

DoggerelBank

Thanks for the PMQ tip. Fingers crossed not long to wait now for details of the sponsorship scheme. And that the small print doesn't make it less useful than they're trying to make it sound“

Indeed. Gove is the architect 🥴

Abitofalark · 09/03/2022 13:47

@Cognoscenti

Do they have to be in the same house as you? Or could you offer a rental for free? We have some and would happily offer the latter (furnished) but maybe they're looking for families to host and feed refugees, in which case simply having accommodation wouldn't be much use.
No, it's quite the opposite. Being able to offer them their own independent accommodation is the gold standard. Putting them up in spare rooms is very much second best. The owners have to be vetted and the guests safeguarded from potential harm or exploitation. It is a state of dependence and vulnerability, having to share and being there at the goodwill of the owner, which is insecure and could end at any time.

If offering a property for rental, you'd have to look into the legal side of that, considering you'd not be charging for it so in that case what is the nature of the agreement and what would the legal implications be for both parties?

You'd probably offer it through the local authority which is responsible for housing homeless people and for government refugee schemes and should be able to manage and advise you on that side of things.

Original poster
TheBeesKnee · 09/03/2022 13:52

MrsSkylerWhite

If I understood PMQ’s today, the sponsorship scheme is being finalised now so you will have the opportunity very soon.

I'm at a conference and missed the PMQs, can't see anything in the news, could you say any more?

OP posts:
Woollystockings · 09/03/2022 13:58

If you sign up with one of the charities for housing refugees, surely they will already have lots of refugees on their books, so wouldn’t you be offered someone fromSyria or Afghanistan first?

Drinkingallthewine · 09/03/2022 15:17

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers that sounds like an excellent system.

DP and I are giving serious thought to this.

We aren't long moved in so a bit of plumbing and electrics to sort out but if we did we would have one double en-suite plus another room that could be quickly converted into a small double room as well. I think the house could house a family of 4 along with us 3 at a squeeze.

As far as I can gather, you pledge with RedCross.ie and they do an assessment and match you with someone, but it's not up and running yet. So at the moment I suppose I'm waiting to see what the Irish response plan is and if what we have to offer would be of any use to a family, as we are extremely rural and it may not suit the family's needs.

However, what we do have here is a great little school, and an enormous sense of community that rallies to help others in spectacularly lovely ways so I know I'd be inundated with offers of help from cash to baby equipment to spare cars and job offers once word got around we were hosting a family.

It's not something that everyone can do and a few years ago we wouldn't have been in the position to think this way either, for various reasons but right now, it looks like it could be possible to consider anyway.

MadForBurpees · 09/03/2022 15:52

Do we have any landlords on here? Would they be willing to make their properties available at s lower/free rent?

Cognoscenti · 09/03/2022 17:26

@MadForBurpees

Do we have any landlords on here? Would they be willing to make their properties available at s lower/free rent?
I posted a while ago wondering if it would be an option, as we would. It's more of a hobby for DP (buy doer-upper and work on it until it's up to standard), so rent isn't a necessity. Will contact the local council as @Abitofalark suggested to see how it would work, if it's possible. DP is much more familiar with the legal side of tenancies, but maybe there would need to be a token sum paid to keep it above board.
letmesleep123 · 09/03/2022 17:47

I have family in Moldova, who have been hosting a family of three + cat for the last ten days or so. They are lovely, but it's absolutely exhausting.

They are traumatised so don't have the capacity to take on any basic admin. We are ending up sorting out their cat's care, the child's ear infection, mum's medication, broken down car etc etc.

We are fine with it because their ultimate goal is to come to the UK, so we know it's temporary.

Would I host them in the UK? I possibly would if I was retired with no children or other commitments. As it stands at the moment, I've run out of energy in 10 days as my life has not stopped. I still have to work, take my children to clubs etc etc. Sorting out another family's day to day is not a small task.

I guess it would also depend on what happens if you don't get on with them. I really couldn't deal with a situation where I end up with a family of strangers I don't like with no obvious way out.

LanaSQ · 09/03/2022 20:22

We already support two Syrian families, as a community. We've raised money, sought private rentals and kitted out the houses with furniture, household items and toys.

All carefully managed through being a city of sanctuary.

I also welcomed Syrian refugee children to the school I lead.

There are many nuances in providing support to these families, including respecting their dignity and dealing, in some cases, with post traumatic stress. Some of my families are quite desensitised to trauma.

There is also a lot of work to do in our communities about acceptance. In the town where I work refugees were unable to be offered council housing, for instance because of the perceived 'they are taking our homes' mantra. They couldn't be housed in certain parts of the town, due to known racist tensions and views.

Rentals are private arrangements but work only because our landlords have accepted a rent below the market rate. Home office support for rent is capped and doesn't meet the cost of local rents.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/03/2022 20:59

I can't as I only have a one bedroom flat (I was told on here I was selfish for not offering my living room floor to an refugee family!).

Even if I had the space I'd be reluctant after the issues my Mum had when she had a lodger through a council scheme. I'd rather try and help in other ways.

PenCreed · 09/03/2022 21:07

@Woollystockings

If you sign up with one of the charities for housing refugees, surely they will already have lots of refugees on their books, so wouldn’t you be offered someone fromSyria or Afghanistan first?
As someone who is registered with one of these charities, the people we've hosted have mostly been asylum seekers, rather than refugees from Syria or Afghanistan. Many of those refugees are still housed by the government in horrible sub-standard accommodation, which may well be the case for Ukrainian refugees in the future as well.

No-one should feel guilty for not being able to offer space, it's a privileged position to be able to do so (you have to have the available space!) and it's not for everyone. Donate if you can, volunteer with local refugee settling charities as a befriender/helper with English classes etc if you can. If you want to help and have no time and no money, write to your MP. Little things can make a difference!

FatherBuzzCagney · 09/03/2022 21:08

Yes, have discussed it with DP and we will. Space isn't an issue and there's a decent chance we'd be able to speak a shared language to at least a basic level.

AhNowTed · 09/03/2022 21:16

Yes I would.

I have the room and the means to feed and clothe a small family for a while.

And a Ukrainian ex-colleague I could no doubt call on to translate in an emergency.

No different from supporting Jews in the holocaust, without the threat of reprisals to myself.

I'm not from the UK, and this thread has me worried that, if I was ever subject to persecution, how many would be prepared to help.

Rvah99877 · 09/03/2022 21:26

We’ve signed up to a website in which you can offer a spare room to refugees (if the UK let’s any in!) you can specify a time period and also who you are happy with staying (women and children, no lone men). This works better for us than sponsorship which I think is a min 1 year commitment and you’re financially responsible if I’m right in thinking? We have young children but a big 5 bed house so could spare two bedrooms for a woman and her child(ren). The way our house is layed out it’s easy to kind of separate out that part of the house so we’d still have plenty of privacy …I just think ‘what if it was us’

AhNowTed · 09/03/2022 21:28

@Rvah99877

We’ve signed up to a website in which you can offer a spare room to refugees (if the UK let’s any in!) you can specify a time period and also who you are happy with staying (women and children, no lone men). This works better for us than sponsorship which I think is a min 1 year commitment and you’re financially responsible if I’m right in thinking? We have young children but a big 5 bed house so could spare two bedrooms for a woman and her child(ren). The way our house is layed out it’s easy to kind of separate out that part of the house so we’d still have plenty of privacy …I just think ‘what if it was us’

"…I just think ‘what if it was us’"

My thoughts exactly.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/03/2022 21:36

I have neither the space nor the money to do so.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/03/2022 21:38

Sorry posted too soon.

It's harsh but I just couldn't.

Theredjellybean · 09/03/2022 21:56

@Rvah99877
What agency or charity have you signed up to?
We could do this too and would really like to

Whisktea · 09/03/2022 21:59

Nope. I hope they are doing vetting on those offering rooms though, sadly for some men (a tiny minority before anyone starts) vulnerable women and children are an easy target.

Rvah99877 · 09/03/2022 22:00

@Theredjellybean the website / charity we signed up to is www.roomforrefugees.com/

They have an faq section which helped dispel some of my reservations…I just really hope the UK widens it’s refugee policy

Rvah99877 · 09/03/2022 22:02

@Whisktea the one we signed up to says that they will try to match you so I’m guessing they would be mindful not to put a lone woman / children with a single male or perhaps people who have lost children with families with young kids etc

Inkyblue123 · 09/03/2022 22:07

I’m not sure of the requirements in the UK but I know in Ireland they want people to offer a flat, house or ensuite room for a minimum of 6 months. I don’t think that’s realistic. In Berlin they are offering rooms for 2 weeks - enough time for their politicians to get themselves in gear and make proper provision for refugees.

Gladioli23 · 09/03/2022 22:07

This is something I have been looking into as well. I now work from home and so does my close friend and bear neighbour so we are debating if we could offer to house one refugee between us and the other person turns their dining room into a second office so the spare room in the other house is properly freed up and no one is having to work in their bedrooms.

It does make me nervous and I don't know if it would be much fun: I have lived alone for years now and the prospect of living with a stranger isn't high on my list. But equally I know if I were in their position I would hope someone with the space and means and health to do so would welcome me in, so I know morally it would be the right thing to do.

I do things that are morally suboptimal all the time (drive a car, have gas central heating, eat meat, sometimes fly on holiday, don't live the simplest life I can and donate the rest to charity) so knowing it is morally right doesn't necessarily mean I will do it, but I hope that I am woman enough to.

Potsofpetals · 09/03/2022 22:10

No adults but I would happily adopt an orphaned child tomorrow.