To ask if you'll sponsor a Ukrainian refugee?

[TheBeesKnee]

The humanitarian pathway means that charities, communities and individuals can sponsor refugees. I've felt very disturbed and useless this past week and want to do something, contribute somehow, make a difference to someone's life.

We have a spare room, so we could take someone in? Just need to talk to DP.

Would be interested to hear if anyone else plans to or experiences - either in this war or any previous if applicable.

I’ll be traumatised by having someone I don’t know in my house.

I’ll be in constant meltdown. I’ll be overwhelmed and in panic attacks.

But me putting that out there is me being unfair?

I’m a fucking single parent who has built a life from fuck all. It’s hard. It’s hard for me EVERY FUCKING DAY. I HAVE NO SUPPORT. There is only me.

In order to ensure the well being OF MY OWN CHILDREN I need to have the ability to function in work. I won’t be able to do that if I have t take on a refugee family. Or give them the clothes off my back and leave my children short.

I’ll be traumatised by having someone I don’t know in my house

Save your breath; mental health doesn't matter apparently!

@HermioneWeasley

No, I wouldn’t. We don’t have a spare room and I don’t want traumatised strangers with no shared language in my house. Presumably it’s at least medium term rather than a night or two? I am happy to contribute financially to support families being given suitable accommodation and the right mental health support.

Yep this is my thoughts too, don't care really if it makes me sound selfish Im happy to be honest about it.

@Strawberryjellyicecream

These women and children aren't going to just move in and it'll all be lovely. They're going to be scared of you. They're going to have almost nothing. They're going to be missing their family and friends. They're going to be traumatised.

All the more reason.

Do you think everyone with a spare room will know how to help these people they can't communicate with?

What about if a scared teenager gets aggressive? A delivery driver puts up a child with night terrors who keeps them up all night?

You have to be committed to being able to support these people. You need to know you can give them the security they need.

If you can that's an amazing thing but you can't degrade those who can't.

@Strawberryjellyicecream

I said, twice - I am not referring to anyone without a spare room AND the financial means to help somebody. I won’t repeat myself again as obviously people just ignore this part.

Even if I had room and the financial ability to support someone I STILL wouldn’t take them.

But my reasoning doesn’t count in your world.

@Strawberryjellyicecream

I said, twice - I am not referring to anyone without a spare room AND the financial means to help somebody. I won’t repeat myself again as obviously people just ignore this part.

Even if that's the case people shouldn't feel had for not wanting to, it is a big commitment.

My grandparents sponsored Vietnamese refugees in the 1960s while they had 3 young children. It was hard, but one of the most meaningful things they ever did. My DGM still talks about the two girls they hosted with extreme tenderness and pride. One went on to be a dentist, like my DGF!

In Canada where we live, there’s a “rule of 5” for refugee sponsorship - basically, 5 parties need to come together to commit to housing, providing living expenses, and helping integrate a refugee (integrate = getting them set up with health cards, bringing them to English or French lessons, helping them register their kids for school, etc.) for a minimum of one year. I think it’s a terrific system because it guarantees community for the new arrivals, and prevents any one party from total burnout. Even if this were not the rule, I think it would be a good idea to “co-sponsor” with another family or two.

We haven’t sponsored a refugee directly yet, but were at the periphery of 3 “rule-of-5” groups and have contributed a bunch of household items, baby gear and financial support to three Syrian families who arrived a couple of years ago. I hope to do the same for a handful of arriving Ukrainians.

I'm interested in the assumption on here that you won't be able to communicate with Ukrainians. My experience is very different, that very many of them have very good English skills, but I admit that the people I've met may not be representative. What is other people's experience?

I would love to in theory, but due to personal issues no I wouldn’t.

I work more than full time. I have an ASC. I have a disabled adult child who I support and a child who is at university who has an ASC.

Even if I had room and money I do not have the mental capacity to support a family. It would break me.

I have donated to a local collection to the maximum of my budget. I already donate monthly to an organisation that supports women and girls in the uk.

How dare anyone try to say I don’t do enough.

The Canadian rule of 5 system sounds really good, @UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

I speak Russian (likely a Ukrainian's first language) and have a spare room (currently a junk room).

I am contemplating it but it would not be easy.

I would if I had the space but as we both work from home, the guest room is now my office.
I'm trying to help in other ways and would encourage anyone who has the right circumstances to do this.

Some churches and community groups host refugee families. The church in my town owns two houses that are let to families, and they also provide emotional and practical support for them. Perhaps this is something the CofE could get behind, they have vast funds.

Achilles, don't let a certain poster wind you up. I'd put money on them being all talk and no action.

I work from home as well

A woman and small child in my house due to the nature of my job would make it difficult for me to do calls

There are loads of reasons why people can't just open their homes ,all of them are Valid ,this is an extremely complex issue posters shouldn't be trying to make other people feel guilty .

@DoggerelBank

I'm interested in the assumption on here that you won't be able to communicate with Ukrainians. My experience is very different, that very many of them have very good English skills, but I admit that the people I've met may not be representative. What is other people's experience?

I didn’t assume it, I did a bit of research. Most sites say fewer than 20% speak English. kievtourguide.com/do-ukrainians-speak-english/

@x2boys

There are loads of reasons why people can't just open their homes ,all of them are Valid ,this is an extremely complex issue posters shouldn't be trying to make other people feel guilty .

Absolutely.

Some ridiculous comments on here.

I don't think it is all about being 'selfish' @Strawberryjellyicecream - it is realistic to fear this a bit.

However, there is great kindness out there in this country. I have met it suddenly and unexpectedly - and you probably have too -if you needed it.

Things I am thinking about:
The people who need help were living normal lives like ours in February. They were prepared against a rainy day - had hopes and plans. They did nothing to deserve this.

What happened to them is a reminder that human life is not safe in this world. We are all vulnerable to unforeseen change. (Covid showed us that.)

We are only strong/safe if we stand together in time of trouble.

I am afraid of letting strangers in here - and facing a bit of a squash in this place with a single bathroom and worried about coping but I'm talking myself round.

Thanks, @ChrisSays. Useful to know.

@TheBeesKnee If you want a Ukrainian refugee living with you, just google 'how can I offer a home to a refugee' ??? There are dozens of links and websites that will advise you. There's really no need to announce it on here, or ask others if they will be doing the same. It comes across and holier-than-thou, passive aggressive, and utterly thoughtless and ignorant. And the small handful of posters trying to make other posters feel guilty for saying no should be ashamed of themselves.

MOST people aren't able to help, as they are just about making enough money to feed their children and themselves, their rent or mortgage, their bills, and their petrol and car running costs. In addition, there's the knowledge that their energy bills are rising by 50-60% next month.

On top of all that, we have ALL been through a massive world pandemic, where millions of people have lost their income, their home, their loved ones, and their business, (and some have very near lost their sanity!) Some have had to deal with severe anxiety and mental health issues, home schooling, caring for elderly relatives, and some whilst working from home.

Right now some people can just about rustle up the will to get out of bed in the morning.

FFS read the room. And that goes to several other posters too!

We are all upset and shocked at what's happening in Ukraine, but it's not up to individual ordinary working people with ordinary homes and ordinary/low incomes to take the refugees in. And as has been said, many can't, and threads like this are pointless and smug, and help NO-ONE. What's more, we all know the OP is not going to take any refugees in. (and @Strawberryjellyicecream would never do it either...)