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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vegans!!

153 replies

littlemissgrumpi · 07/03/2022 11:57

I have a friend I've known for years and years. She's great, but the following is recently seriously getting on my nerves:

Myself and DH are regular half marathoners / love exercise / athletic builds / no health conditions / omnivores. We eat lots of veg, chicken and fish about twice a week, red meat about once a fortnight. Cow's milk in coffee and tea everyday. Pretty average. Said friend has always struggled with being overweight, not helped by the birth of her DD2 and is currently quite overweight and doesn't like to exercise. No judgement, each to their own. She's recently become vegan and is obsessed with telling me how worried she is for my health because I drink milk and eat red meat. It's almost laughable because I'm the fittest I've ever been & felt! I don't comment on her choice of vegan cakes etc so I really feel this is unreasonable.

The other day on a walk, she was huffing and puffing walking up the hill whilst telling me how unhealthy it is to be drinking cows milk and I really shouldn't have the beef burger for lunch. AIBU to think it's ridiculous??

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 07/03/2022 12:51

It's not vegans - it's this particular have-a-go vegan.

But your post is also quite judgmental - like where you mention her choice of cakes - which doesn't make you much better really, although I understand she's probably very irritating.

I'd probably call her out on it but the alternative is to distance yourself before you say something you regretS

Agrudge · 07/03/2022 12:52

As a class vegans are the annoying

PatchworkElmer · 07/03/2022 12:55

Your friend is a bit daft. ALL VEGANS aren’t.

FWIW, I’m a distance runner, regular exerciser etc and also a vegan… also never felt healthier….

GlitteryGreen · 07/03/2022 12:56

I think all the info about being vegan can become a bit of a rabbit hole at first. She will chill out hopefully.

KalaniM · 07/03/2022 12:56

She’s either feeling passion about veganism and is over zealous and / or she’s in avoidance about her own physical condition and using veganism as a compensatory distraction for the fact she is unfit.

I think her attitude shoes her vulnerability. Sounds tedious for you, and may be quite hellish for her.

MurmuratingStarling · 07/03/2022 12:56

@Lastqueenofscotland

I find the relentless vegan bashing on MN really tiresome.
There is a reason why vegans get 'bashed' though. Some are OK, but some of them are thoroughly irksome. It's like a cult. I could never be in a relationship with a vegan, and I doubt I could be good friends with one. (Even if they were one of the less annoying/preachy ones!)

I know 5 vegans. 2 are OK. The other 3 are insufferable oiks who bang on about what vile bastards meat eaters are, and how vegetarians are 'just as bad' as they still eat dairy, and they think no-one's way of eating is as healthy as that of a vegan.

Many of them also bang on about it on social media, and just HAVE to tell everyone they're a vegan. And I know one vegan who rambles on and on about veganism, posts constantly on social media about it, and yet thinks it's OK to wear leather because it's second hand. LMFAO!

I would be giving a very wide berth to anyone who was like the OP's friend. I loathe preachy oiks who think they have a right to tell me how to live my life.

As I say, yeah there is quite a bit of vegan bashing on here, but it's understandable, as SOME vegans are just insufferable, preachy, annoying bores.

TwoCoffeesPlease · 07/03/2022 12:57

I don’t think either one of you is being unreasonable here really. As a nation we do eat too much meat and consume too much dairy and, for some people (not all) it causes health problems. I still eat meat in moderation but gave up dairy nearly 2 years ago because I found it was contributing to my hormonal cystic acne.

As your friend, she only wants to pass on what she now perceives as “the knowledge” because she cares about your well-being. It’s the same as my grandad banging on about religion. It’s annoying when you don’t agree but ultimately comes from a good place.

There are healthy vegan diets and healthy non vegan diets. Same as their are unhealthy versions of both also.

Just acknowledge what she is saying with a noncommittal “ah that’s interesting” and gently change the subject - not worth getting into a tiz about

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/03/2022 13:07

As a vegan, I hate when other vegans are like this. Obviously it makes us all look bad, judgmental. I have never commented on non-vagans' choices. Sorry your friend is like this OP.

Proudboomer · 07/03/2022 13:08

Many vegans think their diet is super heathy but a lot eat far to many carbs and so struggle with their weight still. It isn’t being a vegan that is the problem it is the choice of foods they are eating as there are still plenty of healthy low carb vegan options.

TabithaHazel · 07/03/2022 13:11

I wouldn't worry too much OP, people always become quite evangelical when they become vegan I've found - she will soon calm down I'm sure. In the mean time, just roll your eyes, or smile politely depending on how warm you are feeling towards her at the time :)

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2022 13:14

The vegan bashing on MN is getting ridiculous

And I say that as a meat lover.

LordEmsworth · 07/03/2022 13:16

There is a reason why vegans get 'bashed' though. Some are OK, but some of them are thoroughly irksome

Quite right, if you're going to class yourself in a social group then you need to be aware that you'll be judged by the actions of others in that group, not on your own behaviour Confused.

I have met vegans who are not just ok, but are really and truly lovely people. So I call your "it's ok to bash vegans because i find some of them are irksome" and raise it to "it's ok to praise vegans because I find some of them are wonderful".

TabithaTittlemouse · 07/03/2022 13:17

@Agrudge

As a class vegans are the annoying
Mumsnet does love a class.
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/03/2022 13:20

NAVALT? What’s that? Not heard of it.

Not A Vegan And Loving That. 😁

EvilPea · 07/03/2022 13:20

@littlemissgrumpi

ALTHOUGH I must add that I have experienced judgement from vegans about my lifestyle choices (which I believe are pretty healthy) quite a few times... whereas I wouldn't find it appropriate to comment on their choice of diet 🤔
The other vegans you’ve met just don’t tell you or judge you. It can be a bit of a dirty secret.
TheGratefulBread · 07/03/2022 13:21

Yes some vegans and vegetarians (the latter of which I am) can be judgemental and preachy, but hey, guess what, so can meat eaters!

I'm 38 years old, I've been vegetarian for 25 years, and it's as annoying now as it was back then, to have meat eaters (not all meat eaters!) comment on how I can't possibly have enough protein, iron etc in my diet, or say it isn't healthy to not eat meat, blah blah blah.

Let's just all live and let live.

SprayedWithDettol · 07/03/2022 13:23

I’ve been vegan for 20+ years and vegetarian before that and although I’m very lucky to be healthy, she is batshit crazy/boring as hell/uninformed.

MurmuratingStarling · 07/03/2022 13:23

@LordEmsworth

There is a reason why vegans get 'bashed' though. Some are OK, but some of them are thoroughly irksome

Quite right, if you're going to class yourself in a social group then you need to be aware that you'll be judged by the actions of others in that group, not on your own behaviour Confused.

I have met vegans who are not just ok, but are really and truly lovely people. So I call your "it's ok to bash vegans because i find some of them are irksome" and raise it to "it's ok to praise vegans because I find some of them are wonderful".

I call your 'it's ok to praise vegans because I find some of them are wonderful' and raise it to 'some vegans are annoying preachy bores and some vegans are lovely.'

Ergo; there's good and bad in all!

5128gap · 07/03/2022 13:25

Veganism is very self perpetuating. Search for vegan recipes, and you will find yourself bombarded with information on the health benefits, benefits to the environment and to animal welfare of the lifestyle. Once you know these things, if you care about them, you can't unknow them, and many people become quite evangelical about it. Its also a huge commitment, which can be very time consuming, expensive and restrictive, so you would expect a certain level of passion from people who have embraced it, and at least initially until it becomes habit, some preoccupation with it too. That said, it isn't polite to comment on other people's food choices, and your friend should reign in her enthusiasm for her new lifestyle around those who don't share it.

MurmuratingStarling · 07/03/2022 13:25

@TheGratefulBread

Yes some vegans and vegetarians (the latter of which I am) can be judgemental and preachy, but hey, guess what, so can meat eaters!

I'm 38 years old, I've been vegetarian for 25 years, and it's as annoying now as it was back then, to have meat eaters (not all meat eaters!) comment on how I can't possibly have enough protein, iron etc in my diet, or say it isn't healthy to not eat meat, blah blah blah.

Let's just all live and let live.

Yes to that. ^ Some meat eaters do love to tell vegans and vegetarians how they must be SO unhealthy and undernourished. And they frequently get asked 'what on earth do you EAT?'

I still find SOME vegans insufferable and annoying though. JMO. Some are fine.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/03/2022 13:26

God everyone bashes vegans non stop. I am a vegan, hardly any of my friends know I'm a vegan because I don't go on about it.
People are bores for endless reasons, football, golf, cycling, pretending to be allergic to gluten, being addicted to botox.
I know loads of vegans and none of them do this. You sure you aren,t just making this up and jumping on the bandwagon?
On the other hand I get loads of shit from people who know, endless questions and ridiculous scenarios about eating meat following a nuclear apocalypse etc etc. Sometimes I just want to turn round and say please fuck off I'm just trying to eat my dinner in peace.

RealBecca · 07/03/2022 13:31

Your friend is annoying but adjust your language- it isnt "vegans" as a group. She happens to be vegan and she happens to be sanctimonious.

FWIW red meat IS carcinogenic. But it's not helpful for her newfound cause to go shouting it off t people that dont ask.

piggychicken · 07/03/2022 13:32

@toomanydogsandcats

I think I am the best type of vegan. Although Puritans would say I am not a vegan. Left to choice I don't eat animal products and don't eat meat. If invited out I eat what I am given if its meat stock, dairy in the food and when I am ill I have to have bovril and bone broth. I don't want to support the meat industry but know I won't change the world alone, I have shares in beyond meat and support plant based start ups. But life is too short to let it take over your life and even though the industy repulses me, there's no doubt that the odd bovril, oxo, butter and cream (not together) just makes food taste nicer.
I don’t think anyone would class you as vegan with this comment, not just ‘puritans’. You eat mostly plant based but certainly are not a vegan in terms of your ethics and choices. Also you don’t ‘have to have’ bone broth when you’re ill…
TheGratefulBread · 07/03/2022 13:33

I still find SOME vegans insufferable and annoying though. JMO. Some are fine.

So do I. As I said, I'm just vegetarian - I love cheese too much to go vegan, and vegan cheese just doesn't cut it - and I have a vegan friend who is insufferable and annoying about that. Yet my other vegan friends (two of them) don't say a word. Although they probably judge me in private! Wink

Picklequeen88 · 07/03/2022 13:35

@toomanydogsandcats you are not a vegan at all if you eat anything with any sort of animal product in