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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find people talking to me about their work bloody annoying?

66 replies

sairiegamp · 06/03/2022 22:07

I don't mean a social chat, I mean loved ones - DM specifically! - talking to me about their work, talking through he said she said stuff in meetings, and about peoples characters, and about the specific details of the work.

Why do people do this? I find it so incredibly rude, like an imposition somehow.

AIBU?

Extra points of anyone can help me make sense of why it grinds my gears so much!

OP posts:

Puppyseahorse · 06/03/2022 22:09

I’m not sure, this wouldn’t bother me. How do you feel about your work?

HardbackWriter · 06/03/2022 22:10

I think that would annoy anyone! I don't anyone who talks about their work in that level of detail - I know a lot about DH's work but not to that degree. It's really rude, and must be just so boring.

Perfectlystill · 06/03/2022 22:11

Well it sounds like your loved ones are just boring. I mean, I will tell DH a work story but I will make sure to keep it succinct and make it interesting as otherwise he won't listen properly!

Or do you just lack empathy?

It's normal to talk about your work to loved ones and I've never heard people complaining about it before.

Seafog · 06/03/2022 22:13

Not sure really, I like when DH tells me about his work day, it's a chance to learn about a different side of him, and he keeps it to the point, doesn't drone on.

When the kids tell me about their day at work, it's a chance to hear about what matters to them, to see how they are doing and feeling.
I like that.

When friends do, it's usually a funny or crazy story, again, I'm good

Original poster

sairiegamp · 06/03/2022 22:24

No I don't lack empathy thanks!
I think it's my DM. She has always talked about her work to this level of detail and assumption that I am as invested in it as her.

People telling a funny or "shocking" story, my adult DC talking about their work, are fine of course. Partner talks abit about what he did that day but that's ok as it's insight into his life/mood.

Being with my DM is sometimes as excruciating as sitting next to the Plane Bore telling you about their sales trip for three hours.

OP posts:

CheapFoodShits · 06/03/2022 22:29

YANBU. I love my friend but I practically know the ins and outs of their work computer system and what all of their colleagues' health conditions are at this point.
And why do they always start their stories with "You know X?" No. No, I don't. Why in the ever loving fuck would I?

HardbackWriter · 06/03/2022 22:32

Am I reading a different OP to everyone else? It isn't the odd funny anecdote, it's talking through he said she said stuff in meetings, and about peoples characters, and about the specific details of the work. I don't think that's at all normal - I'd be surprised if a colleague started recounting exactly what was said in a meeting, if someone told me this about their job that was completely unrelated to mine I'd just be confused. Obviously that wouldn't interest , surely?!

SmallOrFarAway · 06/03/2022 23:00

My DM does this too. It's almost like she thinks I'm some kind of verbal diary or journal and just reels off these huge monologues detailing every little he said/she said about absolutely nothing of any importance. It must be important to her in some way but to me, who doesn't work there and doesn't know anyone there, it's just really useless info. No point in the end, nothing funny, it just kind of tails off.

Usually she's telling these long recounts whilst I'm spinning a few dozen plates e.g. trying to sort out the dog, tidy the kitchen, calm down a tantrum and cook for the kids all at the same time. And the story just goes on and on with no pause for breath. Also punctuating every few words repeating either 'she said' or 'he said'.

It drives me mad but it must make her happy so I try to be polite. Luckily she doesn't seem to want any comments or feedback so I'll usually just let her ramble with a few 'hmmm' and 'oh really'. You have my sympathy OP! It's bloody draining.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 06/03/2022 23:02

Yanbu

Cleanbedlinen12 · 06/03/2022 23:03

Oh goodness you have my sympathy! Dp does this. I guess he is wfh so has no one else to offload to, but by gum is it dull. 🤪

Theunamedcat · 06/03/2022 23:03

My ex husband does it knowing I'm struggling not working so I'm shutting the door on him to prevent conversation with him (he is a nasty character anyway and I have nothing to say to him) so he drones on at our son who tells me it's got to the point where I can predict his "stories" because they are always the fucking same

Howshouldibehave · 06/03/2022 23:08

I don’t know anyone who does that-how boring! Does she do it about other things or only work?!

WowStarsWow · 06/03/2022 23:09

This is why I’m glad me and DH work in the same sector and can talk about work without boring each other! My sister does it though (different sector), it’s like she thinks I am as interested in her job as she is. It reminds me of a colleague who always talks about work when we are not in a work situation (E.g. at lunch time in the pub, or at a work social event). Please stop!

GreatFlyingPolarBears · 06/03/2022 23:10

I really get this OP. From my DM. It’s tedious af listening to The Great Offloading in mind boggling detail. It is rude IMO.

Sweetandsaltycaroline · 06/03/2022 23:15

I have a family member who does this - almost explaining a situation in real time. Its not the odd funny anecdote, it's a whole saga.

SarahAndQuack · 06/03/2022 23:15

OMG yes. I think a degree of unloading is fine - I would expect DP to talk to me about work and vice versa; I don't mind family members and friends doing it in moderation. But not in endless bloody detail!

SIL is the worst for this. She will persistently tell stories so utterly banal and tedious it is embarrassing to pretend to have a reaction to them ... and then she tells them again next time you see her, in case you've forgotten. We've recently had the great drama of That Time I Walked Into A Meeting Late and Dropped my Chair, and also The Day My Boss Accidentally Locked Me Out. Interspersed with regular outings of that great classic, When Someone Came Into Our Work To Complain and We Didn't Know What To Say.

I'm sure Hollywood will be in touch within the week.

thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2022 23:17

I'm not sure if I really get what it is that's annoying you. Is the problem that you don't like people in general and your mother specifically talking about work? Or is it that you don't like people banging on about stuff without empathy or being able to read a room?

Because I can see that intimate detail of someone's day to day work interactions must be quite tedious, but is it only when its work related that its the issue? Or would you be equally bored of someone going on in excruciating detail about football or gardening or politics?

People who go on and on about anything can be quite boring but I have to say I think its a bit much to ask people not to talk about their work at all. Work is a pretty big part of many people's lives and in some cases very important to them. I would be a bit pissed off if someone I know requested I never talk about my job.

SwelegantParty · 06/03/2022 23:22

I have a friend who does this, she can talk for 20 minutes about the ins and out of the petty cash system or the water bills where she works. I tend to FaceTime her with another device held out of her sight so I can play a game or read Facebook whilst she rambles on. She's lovely otherwise....

FlutterShite · 06/03/2022 23:23

My dad does this. The detail is mind-numbing. Whole conversations reported. And then the long pauses as he tries to remember whether it was four - no, five - no, definitely four pallets loaded at Cheadle Hulme. No - SIX, because there was that extra load from Whittaker's, wasn't there? Jesus.

Womansfreakly · 06/03/2022 23:27

My MIL does this ! It's so annoying, I know more about her co workers than my own, & all their health complaints. I don't mind listening to people but she never asks a question about my job, or kids (her grandkids) . During the 1st lockdown she continued to work, admin job, not public facing & kept saying

Ponoka7 · 06/03/2022 23:28

I had two DD'S who did this. After complaining about one to the other, I've now only got one who does it. I wouldn't mind an overview but it's the intricate details that triple the story time. It sometimes includes who was in the Staff room/outside and what everyone was eating that caused a queue for the microwave/kettle (as one example). I'm encouraging her to find ways of releasing her feelings rather than relive her day. It can't be healthy.

Womansfreakly · 06/03/2022 23:30

Oops posted too soon!

She kept saying "some of us still have to work".

I was working in hospital on the front line!

Hellorhighwater · 06/03/2022 23:41

Sounds like a DM thing. My mother’s always going on and on about people I’ve never met and how they relate to people I don’t know and don’t care about. It’s boring as hell. I’m a lone parent, and I rarely get to talk to other adults at all, so I’m not in the least bit interested a detailed run down of her friend’s aunty’s hip replacement and how she’s not getting along so well with her son now she’s out of hospital and not so mobile. I don’t wish them ill, but I don’t want to spend an hour listening to her about them. I have almost no social time, she has plenty, so I’m pretty quick to move the conversation on to something of more mutual interest. Sorry, friends Aunty, I wish you all the best but I’m not interested in more than a polite passing comment.

ClinkeyMonkey · 07/03/2022 00:04

YANBU.

My SIL bangs on endlessly about all the goings on in her office. I know everybody's name and who looked at her the wrong way, who said something offensive to her and every fecker who was interviewed for the last internal promotion she applied for. I want to tell her, for the love of God, to please just shut the fuck up about her work. But I sit there and listen politely. She does it to everyone and it's absolutely tedious.

TheOrigRights · 07/03/2022 08:29

I think your title is a bit misleading as it sounds like it's really only your DM that does it, and indeed it does sound really, really dull.

I have a friend like this in a group I'm a part of. There are 6 of us, 3 with long term professional careers, one who has retrained and started a career in the last few years, one a SAHM and this one who recently became a TA. We get endless updates on her working day, as well as her brain dumps about juggling work and family. It's just so self-absorbed. You can't just keep responding.

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