To find people talking to me about their work bloody annoying?

[sairiegamp]

I don't mean a social chat, I mean loved ones - DM specifically! - talking to me about their work, talking through he said she said stuff in meetings, and about peoples characters, and about the specific details of the work.

Why do people do this? I find it so incredibly rude, like an imposition somehow.

AIBU?

Extra points of anyone can help me make sense of why it grinds my gears so much!

@Oblomov22

Rude? What an odd view. He's sharing news of his day - what he does at work, who he works with. that's a very large part of anybody's life. you're at work for eight hours per day, what else do you do each day? you get up, you go to work, you come home. what else have you got to share with your partner? I can't believe you see it is rude. it's a really odd view.

But I don't know his colleagues and I don't honestly care what house he's worked in or whether he's on x site instead of y site because someone's got the hump.

Yes - we're at work for huge parts of our days (mostly) but for me that means not wanting to talk about it when I get home, not dragging the day out even more!

you get up, you go to work, you come home. what else have you got to share with your partner?

God, that's depressing! I find loads of other things to talk to my partner about other than our jobs, and tbh if I didn't I'd be very worried about our relationship.

I know this one. I have a family member who had been banging on about how much more suited to my new job and I’m thriving there to anyone that would listen. Turns out they think that because I told them some story about the day people accidentally assumed I was very senior and it took me ages to work out what was going on. Not exactly Pulitzer Prize stuff. Anyway it’s the first time I shared my work with them so obviously the first time I was happy and confident at work. No, no, just the rest of my days are typing in spreadsheets and emailing them to other people, then chatting about tv/lunch/holidays while we wait for more spreadsheets. Why would anyone else care? But relative thought it would be more normal to keep every apprised of the situation.

@HardbackWriter

you get up, you go to work, you come home. what else have you got to share with your partner?

God, that's depressing! I find loads of other things to talk to my partner about other than our jobs, and tbh if I didn't I'd be very worried about our relationship.

Exactly you have at least another 5 hours of the day not in work and then the weekends. We don’t talk about work apart from a quick how’s your day and then all work talk is banned.

We talk about TV, films, politics, current affairs, food, travel, plans, hobbies and interests, we have lots of private in-jokes, music and many more things I’ve probably forgotten. Like most people I imagine.

I tease. Of course we all have lots of other things to tell our partners. But work is a large part of it. We are there more than 50% of your time.

Wake up and go to work, return and have evening meal. Say 7am to 6pm. Then 4 hours till 10pm bed. That gives 8 hours sleep till you do it all again. 11 hours at work v 4 hours at home with family.

Why don't you just tell her then?
"Mum you do know that you just drone on and on about every minutiae of your workday and people that I've never met, don't want to meet, know nothing about and I'm not interested in and it's incredibly boring"?

"Mum you do know that you just drone on and on about every minutiae of your workday and people that I've never met, don't want to meet, know nothing about and I'm not interested in and it's incredibly boring"?

If I was droning on and on, I'd want someone to say that. But in my experience, people who DO overtalk are also easily upset, so I'd hesitate to speak to them in that way - esp my mum!

So why on Earth do we as a society ask ‘what do you do?’ when meeting new people. We like to associate people with their jobs and seem to think they’re part of people’s identities but we don’t actually want to hear about them 🤣

Because "what do you do?" is basically snobbery. The person asking the question isn't actually interested in what you do. They are trying to suss out whether your job gives you enough status to justify speaking to you.

It sounds like you're just letting it happen. Can you change the subject?

@Oblomov22

I tease. Of course we all have lots of other things to tell our partners. But work is a large part of it. We are there more than 50% of your time.

Wake up and go to work, return and have evening meal. Say 7am to 6pm. Then 4 hours till 10pm bed. That gives 8 hours sleep till you do it all again. 11 hours at work v 4 hours at home with family.

But in my mind that would mean work was the last thing I wanted to talk about when I got home!

Work already takes up a huge part of our lives so why let it take up even more?

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Work already takes up a huge part of our lives so why let it take up even more?

It depends on what you do, how much you like it and how much you feel it defines you though doesn't it?

My dad was relentlessly ambitious and absolutely obsessed with his work. He expected to come home and just offload about it to my mum all night. It was very tedious and I wouldn't want that. But at the other end of the spectrum are these couples who sit in silence and never talk about what they do and I wouldn't want that either.

It's like any other aspect of life isn't it? Cherrypick the interesting stuff, be selective, pay attention to the listener and their boredom threshold and learn to read a room.

For better or worse work is a fairly big part of most people's lives and if you're lucky enough to enjoy your job a source of good stories. Feeling that it was off limits and you couldn't discuss that with your spouse would seem a bit weird IMO.

For better or worse work is a fairly big part of most people's lives and if you're lucky enough to enjoy your job a source of good stories. Feeling that it was off limits and you couldn't discuss that with your spouse would seem a bit weird IMO.

Definitely - but there's a difference between telling a funny story and droning on about some dull technically speciality that interests no-one.

Unfortunately the people who talk about the latter don't seem to realise that not everyone is as interested in their job as they are.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Of course. But that's a boring person problem, not a work problem.

I don't mind hearing about people's work, no. It's an important part of many people's lives, and can be very interesting. Of course there are 'work bores' but people can be boring about anything- all of us some of the time; some people much of the time. There are at least as many 'holiday bores': people who talk about nothing but the minutiae of their travel arrangements and bookings: excusable right now with all the Covid-related restrictions and complications, but for some it was long before that. And 'gym bores' and 'car bores' and most of all, the 'what will this look like on Instagram' bores.

@ddl1

This. Yes work can be a huge bore but I wouldn't single it out amid the sea of other incredibly boring topics out there. People can bore the hind leg off a donkey on many subjects.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Of course. But that's a boring person problem, not a work problem.[/quote]
Generally I agree, but some people have a blind spot when it comes to their interests - be that work or hobbies.

They assume that because they find it fascinating, everyone else does too!