Hen do - Am I right to feel annoyed at bridesmaid?

[Poppymonty3]

My partners sister got married two years ago and I was surprised that I was not asked to be a bridesmaid for her as we get on well and her only sibling is my partner but I still helped out with wedding planning and attended hen do, etc. I asked her to be my bridesmaid despite this as I thought it was a nice thing to do for my partners family to get them involved and like I said we do get on well.

We get married in 3 months. We have been planning the hen do for a while and it was her idea that we should try bongo bingo as she has been before and completely sold the idea to me but the date are only realised 1 or 2 months before. We have been checking to see when it is available constantly. The dates are now available but she has planned to go on holiday for the entire month before our wedding so we can't have the hen do then. I gave her three dates the month before and she said she was busy for all three of them. She has arranged to go on a hen do on the Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the end of May in Manchester for a girl who has also asked her to be a bridesmaid. This girl has got several bridesmaids and my bridesmaid has only known her for a year. She is the girlfriend of the my bridesmaids partners friend and doesn't live anywhere near us so they rarely see each other, they aren't close and from what I gather they don't know each other that well, I may be jumping to conclusions but from what i can gather she has only been asked to be a bridesmaid as her partner us best man.

Anyway I am now having my hen do in Manchester the same weekend as it is the only date available. I told her and she said she might see me around. I was expecting her to try and find some middle ground and maybe spend a couple of days with her friend then meet up with us on the Sunday considering she will be in the same city? Her stance is that it is first come first serve and since her 'friend' planned her hen do first she will be spending the whole weekend with her. She said I should have arranged my hen do sooner but she knows that the dates for the bingo are only released a couple of months in advance. She hasn't apologised or even said she is sad that she will be missing my hen do.

Really I am gutted that she won't be there and I am upset that she seems unbothered about it or unwilling to try and work something out. I am so annoyed that I feel like telling her to not bothering being my bridesmaid as she has done nothing to contribute and doesn't seem bothered.

Am I being over the top? Should I be feeling this upset about it?

Some people don’t place priority on ‘family’ OP. Maybe not the best idea to have a hen night that can only be arranged 6 to 8 weeks before a wedding in case others make other arrangements. Whatever her reason , she clearly isn’t prioritising you , so just go ahead and have a great time without her—

It sounds awful. I’m not surprised that she’s busy.

I feel sorry for you OP. You chose this activity for your hen on her recommendation and now she's not even coming.

I think you've been trying to force a closeness that doesn't exist, sadly.

I can see perfectly well why she didn't ask you to be her bridesmaid though, brothers girlfriend as you were then isn't obvious choice unless you were also super close; whereas your future husbands sister is a more logical choice especially if you don't have a sister

Try to shake this off and do something you want to do, even if on a quieter scale

Sorry that she’s not able to make it but in reality she told you she was busy.
You made the decision to book it all on a day that suits you, that’s fair enough but you sadly can’t make her change her plans. She’s already part of other bridal parties and that isn’t fair on them.
I agree with pp j think you both see your relationship differently. She sees you as a family but you’re pushing for more of a friendship too which is great but not everyone wants that.
I have four sils and had them all as my bridesmaids. 2 of them I’m very close with and 2 not as close. We’ve all been on holiday together but I’ve seen that as family holidays rather than holidays with friends. One of my brothers is getting married and his partner hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m his only sister and I’m genuinely not fussed.
Happy to be a guest who has nothing to do but turn up! She didn’t need tk have you as part of the wedding, especially as you were a partner and not married. She may have been worried you’d split up and then you’d be in all the photos!

I think she just doesn't want to party with you.
Sad but there you are.
If she's your only bridesmaid, then that's also a bit sad - but I hope you have other friends who are going to your hen night.

Every time I read this sort of thing, I'm so glad I decided not to bother with either though!

@Poppymonty3

I did think that we had a pretty good relationship we have known each other for 10 years now and she comes over with her partner for tea on a weekly basis or we go to them. We have been on holiday abroad together twice with our partners. I have been there for her a lot in the past.

Lots of people don't seem to have read this post of OP. OP and the bridesmaid couldn't be much closer - they see each other socially every week, have been on two holidays together. All seems rather strange for the bridesmaid to then be 'not that into' PP.