Who is BU?? Me or DH??

[flaxensunshine]

So some background I am mid 40s, have worked all my life, full time mainly since a teenager. I currently work 30 hours a week in a quite high role so good money etc. I work 30 hours a week so 4 days because my eldest child has their own child and is a single parent and went through a 2 year court battle to get full custody of their child. I had to be available for emotional support and practical support (childcare etc).

Eldest child and their child have now moved out abs are settled (lived with us for the whole court stuff etc) and youngest child now is working full time.

DH has asked me today when I am going to increase my hours to full time as apparently I am selfish for not working full time like him! He was no support during the court stuff although he is a great dad and grandad.

I don’t want to work full time, I feel like now I can finally take some time to myself after 25 years of parenting and grandparenting and also the stress of last few years.

Some extra details. We have no mortgage, it was paid off by me (thanks to family donation) and youngest child has now started paying rent so we don’t need the extra money.

So am I being selfish for not wanting to work full time? It’s only another day and I want it to myself!! But AIBU??

He’s just jealous that you work less hours than him. Tell him to sod off

@ChateauxNeufDePoop

I think you're on tenuous ground by saying you paid off the mortgage and you misrepresented a few things in your OP based on your updates. Can see both points of view on this one so hopefully you reach a compromise.

Yes agree having seen the updates. I think I'm leaning towards DH tbh

So, if he reduced his hours, your household couldn't maintain its current standard of living and outgoings?

But, due to your inheritance, you've wiped out the mortgage and paid the eldest child's living costs and court case fees?
So, I suppose, if I was being pedantic, I'd work out how many days of 5th day of work from you this would be and say that's thr point you'll increase again.
Or work out how much your inheritance has in reality reduced his work life by? (I struggle to see how with no mortgage the outgoings can be so high with 0.8 and him full time unless there are now debts - in which case yes yabu.)

@greef

Again, it takes two minutes to put clothes in a machine and press a button, and another five minutes at the end of the drying cycle to unload and put it away. What are people doing that makes it take so long

Maybe having a sense of responsibility to not completely fuck up the planet by doing a little air drying .... outside drying? You should be ashamed @fairylightsandwaxmelts

I hang out when it's appropriate but otherwise I use the dryer and no, I'm not ashamed about that at all.

Besides, even hanging clothes out on a line doesn't take hours - 5 minutes at most. It's hardly a reason to take an extra day off work each week!

You say that YOU paid the court case and for the care of son and DGS...? Why did your DP not contribute? Presumably you are BOTH the biological parents and grandparents? Do you have split finances? That seems unusual for a couple who have been together, what? 30 years or more?

To be honest, reading through, it sounds like - like many women are - you've let yourself become a bit of a martyr'd doormat.

Recent studies gave shown improved productivity with a 4 day week over 5, so if anything that shows 5 days will have a negative impact on your work/life balance and wellbeing.