Bil and his wife are in the middle of a divorce. They have 2 DD's the eldest is not bil's child. She's 9 and been struggling with the divorce massively which is understandable. One of the main issues is she feels like she'll no longer be part of our extended family so we've all been making and extra effort to reassure her that this is not the case. So the inlaws have been spending quite a bit of extra time with her to the point DD has noticed so we've just been reassuring her that they love their grandkids all the same DNiece is just needing a little extra support right now.
Yesterday I had DNiece round for dinner and while I was cooking her and DD began squabbling over who was the favourite grandchild. DNiece stating it was her because inlaws spend more time with her etc. DD insisting that no one was the favourite but then lost her temper and screamed that I couldn't be DNiece as she wasn't even their grandchild. I intervened talked to DD about why what she had said was hurtful the asked her ro apologise which she did and as a result she's lost all her screentime for a week.I also gave bil the heads up about what happened and he had no issues with how it was handled when he picked DNiece up.
Today I recieved a text from BIL's wife. The gist of it were that my punishments were not enough and she wanted DD to apologise for her behaviour. I replied and stated that the punishment DD recieved was really nothing to do with her as she isn't her parent and that DD had already apologised. She has then pretty much called all of DP's family to complain about the situation.
She is now refusing to let DNiece attend Mil's birthday meal tomorrow unless DD apologises again. Several of DP's family have asked if I would not just make DD apologise for the sake of keeping the peace. In my opinion it was a children's spat that she is blowing up into something more causing unnecessary drama so AIBU to not make Dd apologise again?