Am I being unreasonable? Getting annoyed with boyfriend’s golf/football hobbies.

[DaisyKG]

Hi guys,

Just wanted some opinions on this as sometimes I feel as though I’m being completely unreasonable and not quite sure what to do for the best.

I have been with my partner for 5.5 years. We have lived together for the past 2 years and our relationship for the most part is great. He is completely football mad, and I knew that when I started a relationship with him. He usually plays 2-3 times a week (trains one weekday evening for 1.5 hours and then has a game on a Saturday - usually gone from lunchtime until 6-7pm depending on where he is playing. He sometimes has another midweek game where he leaves at 6ish and gets home at 10-11pm - he always stays after his games to have a beer with the lads which is fine. We always agreed that Sundays would be “our” days to go out for a nice dog walk, head into town etc, but I have found that more frequently he would rather spend his Sunday watching football.

This has always been something that has bothered me and I’ve always felt as though I come second to football. I have opened up this conversation numerous times over the past 5 years to let him know how I feel and he always tells me that he won’t be able to play forever and it’s a hobby that he enjoys.

In the last year, he has developed a new love for golf. Now, when he first started playing, I have to admit that I hoped it would free up a bit of time and allow us to spend more time as a couple. In fact - things have gone in the opposite direction. On the evenings where he is not playing football, he either visits the driving range or has a golf lesson and will occasionally play golf on a Sunday now (usually gone from 9am till 4pm).

I really don’t want to stop his hobbies as he really enjoys them but it is putting a strain on our relationship from my point of view. This summer, he is going on a 4 day holiday with the football lads to Spain, on a stag do for 3 days with some friends and going on a golf holiday for 5 days. It’s meant that he has very little annual leave left for us to have a holiday together.

Last time we had a holiday together, we had to go on the Sunday and come home on the Friday as he wouldn’t take Saturdays off football. He has since apologised and wished he never did that but he is still so focused on football that we can’t plan weekends away at all because he refuses to take Saturdays off.

Am I being completely unreasonable? Should I let him enjoy his hobbies whilst he can still do them?

I should have added that we both work full time - he works pretty standard hours (7-4) and I work from home but my hours are more like shifts. Because I’m at home all day, I do all the housework, walk our 2 dogs everyday, food shop etc. Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.

My worries are that in the next few years we will hopefully have children and I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who is always out or reluctant to share the responsibilities with me.

I would appreciate any opinions or thoughts and advice as I really do love him and see a future with him but not sure whether he just doesn’t realise what he’s doing

As with ANY hobby "widows" the issue isn't what the hobby is it's your partner/spouses approach to/handling of their interest in it.

With my ex it was rugby he is now late 50's and still plays.

They prioritise the hobby BECAUSE THEY WANT TO

It's no deeper than that - you are a lesser priority to them

My worries are that in the next few years we will hopefully have children

Really bad idea with this guy!

My ex loved his rugby but played once a week and when we had dd wound that down as I reached later stages of pregnancy and didn't play again until she was 10-12 months old BUT I'm a pretty assertive, no nonsense type and he knew I wouldn't have stood for any nonsense!

I have seen and read off worse examples and your partner seems to lean that way.

Certainly don't ttc/ keep contraception super tied up until this issue is genuinely resolved

How old are you both?

Because I’m at home all day but still working!

I do all the housework, walk our 2 dogs everyday, food shop etc. Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.

see you have bigger problems than just his hobby fanaticism

He's not being a "partner" a partner pulls their weight equally

So far you have described a man who has found himself a sleep in housekeeper who doesn't mind when he trots off out with the boys

Yep!

past behavior being the biggest predictor of future behavior

Yep

I'd had periods of serious illness/emergency admissions prior to ttc and he had immediately dropped everything to be there for me inc rugby and even cancelled trips to major matches to support me while I was recovering etc so I knew when push came to shove he would be there for me with a baby, which he was (initially - separate issues later)

Men that behave as yours is rarely if ever change/improve

His hobbies are also not cheap! How are finances organised between you?

I'm afraid it's very indicative of he doesn't enjoy being at home.

Unfortunately there is a HUGE trend among under 40's men I've noticed (a few other older mners have started to notice this too) to have uncommitted "starter relationships"

They meet someone they're attracted to, but don't love her. They move in together but don't marry, don't entwine finances except to benefit from reduced costs overall by sharing accommodation or worse "cocklodge", do sod all housework or mental load, and delay ttc (barring contraceptive failure or the rare case of "entrapment") stringing this woman along in some cases until her fertility is basically out the window!

The woman's biological clock starts ticking LOUDLY and/or she starts to question the situation generally and pushes for more commitment

He does the stupid sulky "I'm fine" crap plus a bit of "you knew what I was like I haven't changed" crap ideally making you break up with them so they can cast you as the "bad guy" and them as the "Victim"

THEN within 18 months they meet marry and impregnate their "true love"

It's happening soooooooo much just now and I really really wish women dealing with these men would wise up and tell them to sod off!

Why are younger generations of women tolerating such treatment? Genuinely would like to know

you have zero chance of him getting up for babies.

Yep

I also wish the parents - especially the mothers of these women had told them what I told dd - being single is a valid and healthy choice!

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to have worth!

It's not love op. Who taught you that love is you making all the sacrifices and getting none of the benefits?

He won't even reschedule for your birthday?!

Oh op you can do SO much better and again being single would be better!

DO NOT sit at home pining for his sorry arse!

Make arrangements to do something with family, friends or do something alone that you enjoy go for a meal at your favourite restaurant, to the cinema, theatre, comedy show ANYTHING but waiting for him!

I genuinely and kindly believe you need good therapy to unpick and correct why you think this is love, why you think this is all you deserve, why you've put up with this for 5.5 years?

he always makes out that I’m nagging misogynistic myth "nagging"

25? You've been together 5.5 years - was he your first serious relationship op? I also wonder what your childhood and parents relationship were like (you don't have to tell us)

You've outgrown him and he hasn't matured beyond about 15 years old!

Photography needn't be a lonely hobby, join some photography and arts clubs/groups! Great to soar off each other for ideas and learning new techniques. Photography is an interest of mine too (at a very amateur level! I can't afford the kit! But I like learning new techniques for using light to create certain effects, close up shots, love taking candid shots at weddings etc and some of them have turned out so well that the bride/groom has asked to have them and they've blown them up/framed them which I consider a huge compliment

Gym wise - join a class, stop viewing it as a "luxury" it keeps you healthy!

PLEASE

get out of this relationship

get some good quality therapy

find hobbies and interests for yourself and make them a high priority

Do not have children with this selfish man.
In fact, you should LTB.

@Graphista

As with ANY hobby "widows" the issue isn't what the hobby is it's your partner/spouses approach to/handling of their interest in it.

With my ex it was rugby he is now late 50's and still plays.

They prioritise the hobby BECAUSE THEY WANT TO

It's no deeper than that - you are a lesser priority to them

My worries are that in the next few years we will hopefully have children

Really bad idea with this guy!

My ex loved his rugby but played once a week and when we had dd wound that down as I reached later stages of pregnancy and didn't play again until she was 10-12 months old BUT I'm a pretty assertive, no nonsense type and he knew I wouldn't have stood for any nonsense!

I have seen and read off worse examples and your partner seems to lean that way.

Certainly don't ttc/ keep contraception super tied up until this issue is genuinely resolved

How old are you both?

Because I’m at home all day but still working!

I do all the housework, walk our 2 dogs everyday, food shop etc. Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.

see you have bigger problems than just his hobby fanaticism

He's not being a "partner" a partner pulls their weight equally

So far you have described a man who has found himself a sleep in housekeeper who doesn't mind when he trots off out with the boys

Yep!

past behavior being the biggest predictor of future behavior

Yep

I'd had periods of serious illness/emergency admissions prior to ttc and he had immediately dropped everything to be there for me inc rugby and even cancelled trips to major matches to support me while I was recovering etc so I knew when push came to shove he would be there for me with a baby, which he was (initially - separate issues later)

Men that behave as yours is rarely if ever change/improve

His hobbies are also not cheap! How are finances organised between you?

I'm afraid it's very indicative of he doesn't enjoy being at home.

Unfortunately there is a HUGE trend among under 40's men I've noticed (a few other older mners have started to notice this too) to have uncommitted "starter relationships"

They meet someone they're attracted to, but don't love her. They move in together but don't marry, don't entwine finances except to benefit from reduced costs overall by sharing accommodation or worse "cocklodge", do sod all housework or mental load, and delay ttc (barring contraceptive failure or the rare case of "entrapment") stringing this woman along in some cases until her fertility is basically out the window!

The woman's biological clock starts ticking LOUDLY and/or she starts to question the situation generally and pushes for more commitment

He does the stupid sulky "I'm fine" crap plus a bit of "you knew what I was like I haven't changed" crap ideally making you break up with them so they can cast you as the "bad guy" and them as the "Victim"

THEN within 18 months they meet marry and impregnate their "true love"

It's happening soooooooo much just now and I really really wish women dealing with these men would wise up and tell them to sod off!

Why are younger generations of women tolerating such treatment? Genuinely would like to know

you have zero chance of him getting up for babies.

Yep

I also wish the parents - especially the mothers of these women had told them what I told dd - being single is a valid and healthy choice!

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to have worth!

It's not love op. Who taught you that love is you making all the sacrifices and getting none of the benefits?

He won't even reschedule for your birthday?!

Oh op you can do SO much better and again being single would be better!

DO NOT sit at home pining for his sorry arse!

Make arrangements to do something with family, friends or do something alone that you enjoy go for a meal at your favourite restaurant, to the cinema, theatre, comedy show ANYTHING but waiting for him!

I genuinely and kindly believe you need good therapy to unpick and correct why you think this is love, why you think this is all you deserve, why you've put up with this for 5.5 years?

he always makes out that I’m nagging misogynistic myth "nagging"

25? You've been together 5.5 years - was he your first serious relationship op? I also wonder what your childhood and parents relationship were like (you don't have to tell us)

You've outgrown him and he hasn't matured beyond about 15 years old!

Photography needn't be a lonely hobby, join some photography and arts clubs/groups! Great to soar off each other for ideas and learning new techniques. Photography is an interest of mine too (at a very amateur level! I can't afford the kit! But I like learning new techniques for using light to create certain effects, close up shots, love taking candid shots at weddings etc and some of them have turned out so well that the bride/groom has asked to have them and they've blown them up/framed them which I consider a huge compliment

Gym wise - join a class, stop viewing it as a "luxury" it keeps you healthy!

PLEASE

get out of this relationship

get some good quality therapy

find hobbies and interests for yourself and make them a high priority

THIS^..... ALL OF IT !!!!!!

But especially this:

Why are younger generations of women tolerating such treatment? Genuinely would like to know

and this:

being single is a valid and healthy choice!
You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to have worth!

I hope the OP - and others in similar situationships - are taking note.

5.5 years- still a boyfriend, no ring and no time for you whatsoever

I’d move on

You’re only 25!

You CAN do way better than this.

Stop prioritising cleaning and housework over the gym and going out, FFS! Ask him to do half: if he doesn’t let anything not essential for you personally (eg your own laundry and food) fester.

You don’t ‘own’ the house: you have a big joint debt. It was a big mistake entering into this kind of commitment with a man who’d made clear what his attitudes and priorities are. Ditto getting dogs you do the work for.

Move out and sell up. Hopefully you can get as much as you spent on the deposit, but if not still worth it.

Just to give a bit of a different opinion ... my DH has sporting hobbies which mean a lot to him BUT we had a cleaner, didn't have pets, he did equal share of housework, cooking, home admin etc ... prioritised holidays and birthdays. We made a conscious choice to have one child and at that point he really eased back on his hobbies until he could take DS along (and rugby then became rugby coaching for DC for example). DH has/does adore being a dad and is probably a better parent, more involved parent than me.

I also had a lot of hobbies so I wasn't 'stuck at home' being a housewife.

Many years have passed and I would say we have a good, solid relationship- DH is retiring this year and quite honestly I am glad he has his hobbies and that we have separate interests ... WFH has shown me that being together 24/7 isn't always healthy.

So it can work ... but you do need very honest conversations and probably best to have no more than one child and no pets.

OP HAS had honest conversations: her boyfriend has said he has no desire to spend less time on his hobbies, including on OP’s birthday. He doesn’t do his share for their dogs, or housework.

If you have children with this man you are mad

Thanks @cadburyegg. There are so many parallels.

Particularly the dog situation - if this man won't make time to get up and walk a dog then he certainly won't bother to get up and see to the needs of a baby.

Everyone around me could see I was being taken for a mug. On my wedding day my dad actually had the wedding car stop and told me that I didn't need to go through with it and we could cancel everything.

But I was madly/blindly in love and didn't question any of it.

Hopefully given that the OP is here asking this now, she's less of a fool than I was.

The only honest conversation OP needs to have with this selfish knobhead is: “Off you fuck.”

Don’t have children with this man.

I could say talk to him and explain how you feel. How would he feel if you were the one out all the time, with him stuck at home. How unhappy you were at home using annual leave for his breaks. He might of said he was sorry about the short holiday due to his football commitments, but he still did it and will do it again. He is not going to change.
You should be a priority in his life, not way down the list.
Sorry, but you’ll meet someone who will value you more than golf clubs and muddy boots.

It will not improve when he gets older. When he is too old for football he will find another sport!

Have friend with similar husband. Football became cricket became cycling became golf became badminton (some st the same time).

Even their wedding was arranged around the football/cricket season ( had to get married in February on a Friday around his football fixtures.

They are now retired but still cannot go away for more than a few days because he will lose his position in the badminton league if he misses a match!

Her grown up dc have no time for him now.

A family member was in a relationship like this and she wasted some of her best years on him. First it was football during week and Saturdays, then he added on martial arts at weekend, then he injured himself so switched to golf, and after that decided he could squeeze in another lads hobby on Sundays. Those hobbies eventually got switched out for others too.

It took a while to slowly dawn on her what the rest of us had been saying for a long time; he didn’t truly love any of those sports or hobbies, not to the extent that he couldn’t give any up or reduce them - it’s that he didn’t want the humdrum of sitting at home with her and having a family life when he could be doing stuff with his mates and having beers after. The sports/hobbies were all interchangeable and just a means to an end. She was very clearly #2 (or maybe even lower) on his list of priorities and I suspect you are in this position too.

This meant to be the most fun time in your relationship; house together, no kids, time and freedom to do things when you want and go where you want. When kids come along and family life becomes much more of a routine (feeds and nappies and playtime and activities and kids days out and washing up and less sleep and so on) he is not going to magically improve. If anything, for someone so opposed to investing in relationship time at home, he will probably get worse and take every opportunity to have his fun time with the lads and get away from the duties he has at home. You will become one of these footballs widows who finds herself rearing children solo most of the time.

You deserve more. So don’t be scared to demand it.

Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.

The hobbies are kind of irrelevant compared to this.

You should definitely not have kids with someone with this attitude - he clearly doesn't actually care about you at all.
Sorry if that's hard to hear but you need to take off your rose tinted glasses about him.

@Graphista

As with ANY hobby "widows" the issue isn't what the hobby is it's your partner/spouses approach to/handling of their interest in it.

With my ex it was rugby he is now late 50's and still plays.

They prioritise the hobby BECAUSE THEY WANT TO

It's no deeper than that - you are a lesser priority to them

My worries are that in the next few years we will hopefully have children

Really bad idea with this guy!

My ex loved his rugby but played once a week and when we had dd wound that down as I reached later stages of pregnancy and didn't play again until she was 10-12 months old BUT I'm a pretty assertive, no nonsense type and he knew I wouldn't have stood for any nonsense!

I have seen and read off worse examples and your partner seems to lean that way.

Certainly don't ttc/ keep contraception super tied up until this issue is genuinely resolved

How old are you both?

Because I’m at home all day but still working!

I do all the housework, walk our 2 dogs everyday, food shop etc. Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.

see you have bigger problems than just his hobby fanaticism

He's not being a "partner" a partner pulls their weight equally

So far you have described a man who has found himself a sleep in housekeeper who doesn't mind when he trots off out with the boys

Yep!

past behavior being the biggest predictor of future behavior

Yep

I'd had periods of serious illness/emergency admissions prior to ttc and he had immediately dropped everything to be there for me inc rugby and even cancelled trips to major matches to support me while I was recovering etc so I knew when push came to shove he would be there for me with a baby, which he was (initially - separate issues later)

Men that behave as yours is rarely if ever change/improve

His hobbies are also not cheap! How are finances organised between you?

I'm afraid it's very indicative of he doesn't enjoy being at home.

Unfortunately there is a HUGE trend among under 40's men I've noticed (a few other older mners have started to notice this too) to have uncommitted "starter relationships"

They meet someone they're attracted to, but don't love her. They move in together but don't marry, don't entwine finances except to benefit from reduced costs overall by sharing accommodation or worse "cocklodge", do sod all housework or mental load, and delay ttc (barring contraceptive failure or the rare case of "entrapment") stringing this woman along in some cases until her fertility is basically out the window!

The woman's biological clock starts ticking LOUDLY and/or she starts to question the situation generally and pushes for more commitment

He does the stupid sulky "I'm fine" crap plus a bit of "you knew what I was like I haven't changed" crap ideally making you break up with them so they can cast you as the "bad guy" and them as the "Victim"

THEN within 18 months they meet marry and impregnate their "true love"

It's happening soooooooo much just now and I really really wish women dealing with these men would wise up and tell them to sod off!

Why are younger generations of women tolerating such treatment? Genuinely would like to know

you have zero chance of him getting up for babies.

Yep

I also wish the parents - especially the mothers of these women had told them what I told dd - being single is a valid and healthy choice!

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to have worth!

It's not love op. Who taught you that love is you making all the sacrifices and getting none of the benefits?

He won't even reschedule for your birthday?!

Oh op you can do SO much better and again being single would be better!

DO NOT sit at home pining for his sorry arse!

Make arrangements to do something with family, friends or do something alone that you enjoy go for a meal at your favourite restaurant, to the cinema, theatre, comedy show ANYTHING but waiting for him!

I genuinely and kindly believe you need good therapy to unpick and correct why you think this is love, why you think this is all you deserve, why you've put up with this for 5.5 years?

he always makes out that I’m nagging misogynistic myth "nagging"

25? You've been together 5.5 years - was he your first serious relationship op? I also wonder what your childhood and parents relationship were like (you don't have to tell us)

You've outgrown him and he hasn't matured beyond about 15 years old!

Photography needn't be a lonely hobby, join some photography and arts clubs/groups! Great to soar off each other for ideas and learning new techniques. Photography is an interest of mine too (at a very amateur level! I can't afford the kit! But I like learning new techniques for using light to create certain effects, close up shots, love taking candid shots at weddings etc and some of them have turned out so well that the bride/groom has asked to have them and they've blown them up/framed them which I consider a huge compliment

Gym wise - join a class, stop viewing it as a "luxury" it keeps you healthy!

PLEASE

get out of this relationship

get some good quality therapy

find hobbies and interests for yourself and make them a high priority

Hi Graphista,

Thanks for your comment.

Yes this has been a first serious relationship for both of us.

My side of the family is very close and everyone is happily married (grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins etc). My parents have a very good relationship - my dad prioritised us growing up, only did his hobbies around us and always made time for us. My partners family is very different, both his parents are remarried, he doesn’t have a very good relationship with his maternal grandparents (neither does his mum) and his biological grandmother took her own life before he was born. He’s not overly close with his family at all and I don’t think he grew up with a very good concept of what a good relationship should be like.

You can spend the rest of your life making excuses to yourself and apologising for him and inventing reasons that justify why he is how he is, but every day of that rest of your life that you are with him you will be bottom of his priorities and picking up all the shitwork, drudgery and if you have children, parenting for him. What a wasted life that would be and a terrible example for any dc. Better to pack your bags, go, and if you really desperately love him tell him to give you a month minimum then phone IF he’s prepared to do half the shopping, cooking, cleaning, skip sport for quality time with you, get up 10 mins earlier to walk the dog every day for the next 5 years and then you can split it between you after that, plan a lovely xmas and birthday present for you and treat you like someone who matters, no second chances .

I expect he’s just comfy. He gets to do all his hobbies, you do all the housework and walk the dog. He has a nice life really. I think he probably doesn’t really love you but he has no reason to leave currently.

Ultimately he would rather spend time doing his hobbies and see his friends. This isn’t love, it’s convenience.

I don’t think he grew up with a very good concept of what a good relationship should be like

I realise the temptation will be to show him but the reality is he's happy with the status quo of you doing everything and paying half the bills and him doing nothing, not even spending your birthday with you. Your relationship is not enough for him to want to learn what a relationship should be. Who knows whether he'll meet the right person later to want to re-prioritise his life and learn how to be a good partner - but he is not there yet. Even if he hits 30 and matures - you won't be that person, because it would be years down the road of him taking the piss and it would be much harder to undo that with you than it would for him to start over with someone else, someone he loves enough to want to treat fairly.

He may well have grown up not knowing what a good relationship looks like but that is neither here nor there. My DH parents had a terrible relationship & he loves his sport but he would never behave like your DP because he’s not a selfish entitled arse

You think that if you shower him with love and care you can somehow “fix him” and he’ll appreciate you and show you the love you deserve but you can’t fix him because from his perspective everything is perfect!!! He has everything he wants on tap - he gives notning and takes everything

Sweetheart you need to leave him you really do

I don’t think he grew up with a very good concept of what a good relationship should be like.

That doesn't mean it's your job to fix that. He clearly isn't making any attempt to learn and change.

@DaisyKG

Thank you so much for your comment, it’s nice to hear it from the other perspective!!

There is little compromise with him. He just tells me that football is serious and he has to take it seriously otherwise he won’t get picked to play. I could understand that if he was playing professionally but he plays for the local team..

It’s my birthday next week and I hoped that he would take the evening off football so that we could do something together. He hasn’t and will be gone from 6ish till 10.30/11pm, leaving me at home alone.

Yes, not quite sure what he is doing to be gone at golf for that length of time. The golf course is about 30 minutes away so I assume that they have a beer afterwards.

Oh, come on. He really doesn't value you as a partner, does he?

Even if you show him in black and white what you do for your relationship v what he does, he won't change.

He's selfish and thoughtless and PLEASE don't get pregnant.

It’s my birthday next week and I hoped that he would take the evening off football so that we could do something together. He hasn’tconfused and will be gone from 6ish till 10.30/11pm, leaving me at home alone

This just shows you exactly where you come on his list of priorities. This guy is taking you for an absolute mug.

Don’t stay with someone just because you own a house together.

You are so young, don’t wait until you feel completely worthless.

Think about why you love him. Is it because it’s familiar and you’re worried of the unknown? Do you really love this man? Or do you love the idea of what you think he could be?
Because he will never be that. He is exactly who he is showing you he is. Whatever he tells you, it’s actions not words you need to pay attention to.
Anyone can say I love you. But a man who really loves you shows it by his actions.

You seem old before your time op.

Move on, you haven't failed you were very young when you got together (as were ex and I, I got married at 22 after 3.5 years together)

You've outgrown him, you've matured he hasn't. Disentangle yourself from the housing situation with help from lawyer/financial adviser and move on.

As I said I think you would really benefit from good therapy to "reset" yourself and build confidence, stay single for a while

Your 20's are a time when really it's best if you have no ties imo.

Consider travelling, volunteering or working overseas or in uk, trying jobs you think are beyond you or out of reach in some way, expanding on hobbies, making new friends with people you THINK you have nothing in common with, more education or training...

The world really IS your oyster!

You seem intelligent, kind, thoughtful, responsible type

You could do AMAZING things - don't tie YOURSELF down thinking otherwise

Sounds like he could perhaps do with therapy too given his family background and lack of maturity/evolution but that is his to resolve

This is not the man for you.

Doing all or some of the things I've suggested or others will lead you to where you are supposed to be I think

Make your world big, it should be big at your age and stage

Oh I'm sorry OP. I don't have much more to add other than he behaviour is not normal and I'd be incredibly hurt in your position

My DP is an "every Saturday" player for the local team... it's taken into account when planning stuff (because I've also heard the need to be present for fear of not being picked blah blah) BUT he will drop football for holidays or best friends weddings no questions asked and probably does more housework than I do. It's once a week so I have no problems organising around it but your situation would make feel exactly the same as you do.

PP are right. I'm sorry, this will be hard because you love him and all he'll hear is that you don't like his hobbies- not that he contributes fuck all !

All the best