AIBU

[GWM14]

Long story short, my eldest (17yo) has received the estate of his late grandmother which is held is trust until he is 25. He is able to access money if the trustees (myself and husband) agree.
He asked for money for a car, we have found one and purchased it and insured it to use with his provisional license. My car has been in the garage for the last 3 weeks, the cylinder head has gone and I was told today it will cost £2k to fix, money which we don’t have.
I have asked my son if I can use his car intermittently over the next few weeks whilst I figure out a solution. He’s told me no. He wants me to drop everything to take him out to practice but won’t let me use it otherwise. I have stated that I will refuel it each time and I’ve paid for the insurance and tax on the vehicle.
We live rurally, with buses only every 90 mins or so and they don’t run at all on a Sunday. I’m a shift worker and I’ve been using the bus to get to work, which is taking me 2.5 hours due to wait times between the 3 separate buses I have to catch (it’s a 35 mins drive).
Am I being unreasonable to think he should help me out? He’s not passed his test and has only just started his lessons so the car is sat unused on the drive.

I hope your going to be busy every time he wants to go out for a lesson then!

He's 17, why the fuck are you asking him?!
You tell him you're using it until your car fixed and if he doesn't like it he gets nothing off you except food and a rood over his head.

I think it's up to him if he helps you out but I know if my son wasn't willing to lend me a hand in a way that wouldn't cost him anything at a time of need, especially in a temporary situation I'd be very disappointed in him.
How is your relationship normally, does he help out / is he considerate of others?
I guess if this was his attitude in general I'd certainly consider the things I help him with from now on like taking him to practice as a bit of a life lesson that favours go both ways and you can't just take on life.

He wants me to drop everything to take him out to practice.

There would be no chance of that if one of my children behaved like that!

Well I wouldn't be driving him anywhere. Ungrateful little shit. I would also tell him that I no longer do his washing, cooking, cleaning or paying g for any of his stuff.

It sounds as though he is trying to get control. If he pays you back for the tax and insurance then you will be able to get your car fixed.

What a little shit

I'd remind him that his late Grandmother would be absolutely disgusted with his attitude to be totally honest ( maybe this isn't the right thing to do but I wouldn't be able to help myself).
No way I'd be taking him out for practice either so the car could sit rusting until the end of time.

Not acceptable. Ungrateful brat. I would be really disappointed and certainly doing nothing for him.

I would also be telling g him that wouldn't agree to him getting anymore money out of the trust fund. He can wait until he's 25.

I'd tell him to shove his driving practice up his arse in that case.

Mmmm it's his car though...why don't you ask him to lend you the money to get yours fixed on return for the lessons? And pay him back over time. You shouldn't expect him to lend it to you it's his and maybe it won't mean as much to him if mum as been driving it.....

I would simply withdraw all services and privileges from him. At 17 he can cook, clean, wash, drive and organise for himself. He's being phenomenally selfish and needs pulling up sharply.

I wouldn't write him off as a brat or badly brought-up or a horrible person though. He's a 17yo boy with incomplete brain development. They can be notoriously obnoxious and self-centred at times, but can often be made to see reason and apologise as well. Hopefully that will be the outcome here.

I would be so disgusted at his selfishness and tell him exactly that.

I would accept his decision and then I would refuse to take him out to practice. He would be having to fund lessons from his own money with no practice time in between. I would also not be taking him anywhere, If he wants to go out, meet friends etc he would be using the poor bus service.
I would not back down.

What a selfish child you’ve raised! Why did you pay to tax and insure his car when he has his own money and you’re obviously not rolling in it. Your son is spoilt and you’d be mad to continue giving him free driving lessons when he does nothing to help you.

He’s told me no

This is your answer to every further request he makes then. Not just driving lessons but further money requests from the trust, doing his laundry, cooking his food and allowing him to sleep in your house.

As PPs have said. Accept decision .. withdraw services and refuse any further money from inheritance.

Firstly, have him repay you for the tax and insurance.

Secondly I agree with others that you put your services on strike until he learns to act like more of a team player within the family.

As much as I understand that he wants his car to stay "shiny and new", he's 17 not 7. If my Mum was having to do a 2.5 hour commute over multiple busses I'd do everything I could to help her out, he's being very childish and ungrateful.

Wow how upsetting to have such a selfish child. So sorry but he's the one being unreasonable. My older girls have been a pain in the backside at times but they would definitely lend me their car. In fact my middle daughter offered me her car when she was learning to drive. She had paid for it but my car was off the road like yours. Definitely say no to anything he asks for. You're working shifts and spending hours commuting so he can live and be fed in the house. Just wrong.

@Maves

Mmmm it's his car though...why don't you ask him to lend you the money to get yours fixed on return for the lessons? And pay him back over time. You shouldn't expect him to lend it to you it's his and maybe it won't mean as much to him if mum as been driving it.....

Are you a 17 year old boy?

If my child took that attitude I’d not pay for nor do a single favour for them again.
And charge him for the tax and insurance.

I wouldn’t inconvenience myself for him at all from this point onwards.

How on earth is he so selfish that’s he’d see you suffer with intermittent public transport rather than tell you to use his car till yours is fixed?

If the bus is god enough for you it’s good enough for him.

Your son sounds delightful. I cannot believe he would rather you travel over 2 hours on public transport rather than agree to you borrowing his car. He needs to have a good hard look at himself.

In the meantime, you should take yourself of his insurance, if he will only allow you to drive it for his own convenience. Then give him a dose of his own medicine, let’s see how much he enjoys travelling to practice on the bus!

How ridiculously selfish. I guess he's not going to have any help with driving practice, and he might have to fund more of the running costs and lesson costs himself. I'm guessing you're a named driver on the insurance in order to reduce the costs a little? There's no point in that if you can't drive it.

I would stop driving him to practice then as I guess you must go in his car, I would also cancel the insurance and get a refund and he can pay for it himself and you can use the refund towards repairing your car or getting a cheap one
You need a car more than him and the money