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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

72 replies

GWM14 · 03/03/2022 17:13

Long story short, my eldest (17yo) has received the estate of his late grandmother which is held is trust until he is 25. He is able to access money if the trustees (myself and husband) agree.
He asked for money for a car, we have found one and purchased it and insured it to use with his provisional license. My car has been in the garage for the last 3 weeks, the cylinder head has gone and I was told today it will cost £2k to fix, money which we don’t have.
I have asked my son if I can use his car intermittently over the next few weeks whilst I figure out a solution. He’s told me no. He wants me to drop everything to take him out to practice but won’t let me use it otherwise. I have stated that I will refuel it each time and I’ve paid for the insurance and tax on the vehicle.
We live rurally, with buses only every 90 mins or so and they don’t run at all on a Sunday. I’m a shift worker and I’ve been using the bus to get to work, which is taking me 2.5 hours due to wait times between the 3 separate buses I have to catch (it’s a 35 mins drive).
Am I being unreasonable to think he should help me out? He’s not passed his test and has only just started his lessons so the car is sat unused on the drive.

OP posts:
CailleachGranda · 03/03/2022 18:04

I would be so ashamed if mine did something like that

Make him pay you for the tax and insurance. And charge him if he wants to go out for practice

hangrylady · 03/03/2022 18:06

He's a disgrace. If a child of mine behaved like that I'd hit the roof.

DarleneSnell · 03/03/2022 18:12

The fact you'd even consider tolerating this shit from your own son is mind blowing. Getting a bus when his car is just sat there?! I'd take the car, keep the keys for my own use, and he can do one with any other form of help.

SoupDragon · 03/03/2022 18:18

@Maves

Mmmm it's his car though...why don't you ask him to lend you the money to get yours fixed on return for the lessons? And pay him back over time. You shouldn't expect him to lend it to you it's his and maybe it won't mean as much to him if mum as been driving it.....
Yes, it is his car. However, he doesn't want to lend it to the OP but still expects her to drop everything and take him out to practice driving. If he doesn't want to do the OP a favour then he can't expect a favour in return.
SoupDragon · 03/03/2022 18:18

I'd take the car, keep the keys for my own use

That would be theft.

frazzledasarock · 03/03/2022 18:53

I’d start charging him for everything. Including living in your house.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 03/03/2022 18:55

What a Prince you have raised op.
He can afford his own lessons and to pay board.

user1471457751 · 03/03/2022 19:34

@DarleneSnell and then the OP risks a criminal conviction for taking without consent. A bloody stupid thing to do

KindlyKanga · 03/03/2022 19:38

Maybe he is trying to assert his independence from you. In which case its best you don't help him out any more.

Have you pointed out his insurance may be cheaper if you're a named driver?

DarleneSnell · 03/03/2022 20:06

@user1471457751 no, in the unlikely scenario the cops turn up ready to cart her off she says, my son who lives with me lent me his car while mine's in the garage 🙄

Original poster
GWM14 · 03/03/2022 20:08

[quote DarleneSnell]@user1471457751 no, in the unlikely scenario the cops turn up ready to cart her off she says, my son who lives with me lent me his car while mine's in the garage 🙄[/quote]
I am a cop, so I know all about TWOC; taking without owners consent... I have been going back and forth over this all day. I have brought him up to be courteous and respectful. But he's stubborn and hard work. The car is from a dealership and I have said I'll send it back and his response was ok. Do that.

OP posts:
DasAlteLeid · 03/03/2022 20:18

Call his bluff and bloody well send it back. Then charge him £100 a week bed and board until you can afford to get your car fixed. Tell him, as was the situation when it was ‘his’ car at stake, the same rules apply in ‘your’ house.

DasAlteLeid · 03/03/2022 20:19

If he says he can’t afford the bed and board, tell him you’ll use the money refunded to you from the car dealership to cover his bed and board instead. Or he can take his car and push it along the road to his next fixed abode.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 03/03/2022 21:35

He's being horrid, and very selfish / entitled. I'd personally return the same energy and make his life as difficult as possible by stopping everything you do for him. Cooking, cleaning, washing, lessons! All of it! Let him see how cruel it is to be so mean when being kind would be so little bother.

latetothefisting · 03/03/2022 22:39

Forget not taking him to practice - I would cancel the insurance and tax and use the refund to pay for taxis for work. If he's spent his inheritance on a car he can't legally drive that's his issue.

Avocadobacardi · 03/03/2022 22:45

Why did you ask him - you should have told him you’ll be driving it for a bit. He’s being a brat. Your answer to everything he asks is no

Momicrone · 03/03/2022 22:51

Wouldn't even be an issue in this house, what an entitled brat

Awrite · 03/03/2022 22:53

He would rather see his Mum take 2.5 hours to get to work than lend her his car?

This is a nice boy you say? Is he fuck.

Yes, send the car back.

Honestly, in a million years my children wouldn't do this. My eldest is same age.

Masdintle · 03/03/2022 23:02

I wouldn't take him out for practice as he's made it very clear you're not allowed to use his car Grin

It must be tough to be a police officer and not be able to afford a £2k repair or a cheaper runaround. Insuring a car for a 17 year old on a provisional licence must have cost a grand. Perhaps that insurance should be cancelled and the money go towards repairing your car as you're not allowed out in his.

stevalnamechanger · 03/03/2022 23:10

What an ass .

Sorry but you are not being unreasonable . Make him pay rent and board .

I'd give my mum my car if she needed it without thinking

Therunecaster · 03/03/2022 23:27

He is selfish but it reads like the car, the insurance, and the tax were paid for from his inheritance. Threatening to send the car back whiten it's not yours seems unfair.

I would be upset if my chin took this attitude and I certainly wouldn't be willing to teach them to drive.

FairFuming · 03/03/2022 23:30

Wow. I bought my first car myself and my mum still got priority for it if she needed it for work. I never questioned that as it was just seen as basic respect to my mother. You need to have serious words with your son.

CombatBarbie · 03/03/2022 23:34

I would be mortified if my child behaved like this. They would also be getting a reality check and be responsible for their own laundry, cooking etc. He sounds like a spoilt arse hole.

I hope you send the car back..... If you don't, do not be available to take him to practise.

StoneofDestiny · 03/03/2022 23:57

Take the car back. Refuse money for driving lessons. Tell him he is too inconsiderate to others and selfish to be entrusted with any adult responsibilities.

Chloemol · 03/03/2022 23:58

So sit him down

Two choices

  1. He lets you borrow the car, you put in petrol, are paying insurance etc and will take him out
2,he doesn’t lend you the car, , you won’t be teaching him, he can pay for lessons himself, and he can relay you now for the insurance etc, oh and he can cook his own meals, do his own washing and the rest