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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fear a family member is accessing our medical records

395 replies

durdledoo · 03/03/2022 08:51

I'm not really sure what to do about this and would love some practical advice to stop this potentially happening.
My mil is a nurse, she works at the local surgeries that me, my husband and my children attend. She has previously gone through my husbands medical notes before and confronted him on health complications he's had in the past and not told her about (this was a long time ago, but he was in his early twenties at the time).
A few comments recently has be concerned she's done it again. My husband had 2 drs apts and we only told her about one. She / fil has asked me several times now if dh is okay and asked about his second drs apt (that we haven't even discussed with them)
They know about one health issue and he's openly discussed it with them but the other is very private.
The other day mil said "how is dh, is he okay" and I just replied "yes, he went down and has been referred" (discussing said health issues we've told them about) and she said "well, he went down again didn't he?" Basically prying into the outcome of this second apt she should know nothing about.

I can't prove anything, but considering previous and the fact she's digging (a lot) and acting very stand off-ish I am legitimately concerned she's been at our medical notes (or at least dh's) but i wouldn't put it past her to look through all of ours. We've had lots of ongoing problems in the past with boundaries and the relationship has never been simple.

Is there anything I can do. Would loving surgery completely help? She works all over locally so I fear not.

Can we ask the surgery to make out information inaccessible to her?

Looking for some practical steps I could take to protect our privacy. There's absolutely no point raising this with her, she will inevitably deny it and previously when she went through her adult sons records he was the one "in trouble" for not telling her about his health concerns...Confused

OP posts:
Xenia · 03/03/2022 12:08

it is possible the MIL was outside the surgery on her day off when he went in of course - eg our surgery is in the middle of the local area and anyone shopping on their day off would see who was going in. however I would ask the surgery to let you know if anyone has been accessing the records and that they should not tell any members of staff other than the one from whom you are making the request

WhoreOfBabyliss · 03/03/2022 12:09

I would be inclined to lure her in by saying that you have no idea why DH went to the doc the second time. The fact that he wanted a vasectomy and she thinks you don't know about it would probably be enough to get her to spill.

This way you would know one way or the other

MrsClatterbuck · 03/03/2022 12:09

@Mummyford

Sht when my husband was living there whilst at uni he's wake up to her say next to him with the latest vaccine he "needed" and get jabbed regardless of whether he wanted to. She just doesn't respect that he's an adult*

Wait, this is a bit garbled, so I'm not sure I'm understanding properly. Are you saying that when your husband was at university, but living at home, his mother woke him up and, against his will, gave him a vaccine that she had brought home from work? If that's even close to true, it's insane and illegal and she's crossed much bigger lines than looking up your medical records.

My thoughts exactly
caringcarer · 03/03/2022 12:20

Ring Practice Manager and say you are concerned your mil is asking you about an appointment your DH has not mentioned to her and how could she know? Reiterate you want all of you medical care and appointments kept confidential. Ask them to investigate.

Alandinasane · 03/03/2022 12:21

This is tricky isn't it Op? You're getting some good suggestions. For me there would be two things to consider.
First and most important really - you and your DH are entitled to privacy and also entitled to turn down MIL's offers of treatments. I can't help wondering if she's allowed to take stuff home to do that! I also wonder if she'd take any notice of being warned about this, or whether she'd just be a bit more careful in future.
Second - put yourself in the shoes of the practice manager. You get a member of a family asking for their records to be blocked from access by a member of staff. I don't know about you, but I'd be inclined to do that and also run a check to see if there have been any data breaches already.
Then - If you make a request to know who has accessed your records and your MIL's name comes up that won't be ignored.
So if you contact the surgery it could trigger a chain of events that result in MIL being disciplined. I think she would be sacked because I know of that happening to a doctor's receptionist. Some here think that she could also be struck off as a nurse.

A lot to think about. I don't know what I'd do.

Nordlys · 03/03/2022 12:23

It sounds pretty obvious that she has been snooping at his medical information on the GP IT system, and therefore most likely yours and potentially your childrens. This is a huge no-no! As others have said, electronic patient record systems all have full audit trails of who accessed records and when and what they did in them. GP practices have had electronic records for far more than the last 10 years. Smart cards allow people to access IT systems and this too is fully audited.
Your mother in law could lose her job over this. Personally I’d want to know if she had accessed this information. I’d not want someone so nosy and unprofessional in my life.

GirlOfTudor · 03/03/2022 12:25

I wouldn't be taking any of this bs. It's need to be stopped immediately. It's not good for your personal relationship and it's a data breach for her professionally. Raise it with her line manager and they will monitor it, and act upon it if necessary.

ISmellBurnings · 03/03/2022 12:25

This goes against all the Information Governance training she will have done. She will know this. They will be able to track what she’s been up to. Who knows what she’s been looking up, on anybody?

You need to speak to the practice manager.

katepilar · 03/03/2022 12:29

Blimey, you have every right to be anxious about the records. DOnt understand why some people dont get it. But the thing about vaccines when your husband was at uni is really really shocking!! Hope you can get yourself protected, situation like this would see my anxiety go through the roof.

iRun2eatCake · 03/03/2022 12:34

@durdledoo - what are you going to do?

LunaLights · 03/03/2022 12:37

when my husband was living there whilst at uni he's wake up to her say next to him with the latest vaccine he "needed" and get jabbed regardless of whether he wanted to. She just doesn't respect that he's an adult

@durdledoo - I hope you never leave any kids you may have with her, she obviously has no boundaries and could do anything to them.

withiceplease · 03/03/2022 12:38

She NEEDS sacking if she has done this. How many others notes could she have her sticky beak in?

Irrespective of family feelings this should be investigated. If she hasn't done anything wrong she has nothing to worry about.

I'm a hospital doctor and patients I have treated for 20 years and they've moved away out of my catchment area - I would love to look at their notes to see how they are getting on after knowing them so long. I don't because it's wrong.

Original poster
durdledoo · 03/03/2022 12:41

[quote iRun2eatCake]@durdledoo - what are you going to do?[/quote]
I want to raise it with the practice but I'm really not sure how.
Do I email? Call? Do I mention that I am concerned someone's had access/ request to see how's had access?

Or do I just say my mil works here and for my own peace of mind I'd like to restrict her access (without any cause for concern)

I am concerned that someone there is going to say "your dil thinks you've been snooping" and it's going to cause a shit storm.

OP posts:
potentialdogowner · 03/03/2022 12:42

I used to work in a hospital and you could view the weeks/months clinic appointments (which showed just hospital number, name and appointment time) without needing to click into the record / view sensitive info other than knowing that they had an upcoming appointment. Maybe that's what has happened?

MurmuratingStarling · 03/03/2022 12:47

@durdledoo I'm not being funny, but why is your husband not getting involved in this too? Why is this being left to YOU to sort out and deal with? This is HIS mother.

Bytheseaseasea · 03/03/2022 12:49

Not only is accessing patient records without due cause a gross misconduct offence, it’s actually a criminal offence too. (Look up ICO convictions, there was one a few years ago where a woman was looking up patient records of her ex partner and she was prosecuted and fined heavily).

While I think what she’s (probably)done is awful, be aware that by flagging this up to the surgery, the potential consequences for her include being sacked, deregistered if she’s a professional, and prosecuted. If I was a practice manager and this came across my desk, even if the complainant didn’t mention any of my staff by name, the first thing that would happen would be an audit into the electronic access. Even if you don’t give her name, if there has been inappropriate access it will come to light. I imagine it would be especially obvious if they share the same surname which is likely if they’re mother and son.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t approach the surgery but in your latest posts it sounds like you hope to prevent her access to your families records without causing any trouble for her at work- this may not be possible.

MsSquiz · 03/03/2022 12:53

@potentialdogowner

I used to work in a hospital and you could view the weeks/months clinic appointments (which showed just hospital number, name and appointment time) without needing to click into the record / view sensitive info other than knowing that they had an upcoming appointment. Maybe that's what has happened?
But why would a nurse need to do this for a GP's appointment list, for an appointment during a week when she was on annual leave?

And if it was something like a pp suggested where she had seen him outside the surgery, surely she would say "I saw you outside the surgery on Tuesday, everything ok?"

I said it in an earlier post, but I'll say it again, it's irrelevant how she found out about his appointment, she has broken the confidentiality by discussing it with the OP! And this is confidentiality, that anyone who works in a healthcare setting would be well aware of!

iRun2eatCake · 03/03/2022 12:56

I would ask for a confidential meeting with the Practice Manager on a day MIL isn't there.

Preferably you and DH attend.

Ask for MIL to have restricted access. If she asks why, your DH can explain what happened years ago.

You can then explain that there has been another incident recently.

Unfortunately there is no other way of getting her restricted. Unlikely they'll do it without an explanation.

However if you don't want to get MIL in potential trouble, then you're going to have to come to terms with the fact she'll know all your intimate details.

What's more important to you - privacy or MILs feelings.....

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/03/2022 12:57

Make a formal complaint to the practice manager and ask them to audit who has accessed you families records.

Anyone who does this deserves to be sacked.

Original poster
durdledoo · 03/03/2022 12:59

[quote MurmuratingStarling]@durdledoo I'm not being funny, but why is your husband not getting involved in this too? Why is this being left to YOU to sort out and deal with? This is HIS mother.[/quote]
Because he's grown up thinking this sort of behaviour is normal and he's scared of upsetting his mother and getting the wrath of his father

OP posts:
RosiePosieDozy · 03/03/2022 13:01

I would never report her or raise it with the practice. Yes it's out of order but to grass your own mother/mother in law up so she loses her job? I could never.

I think your DH needs to sit down with her and ask her if she has accessed his records again. Get the facts from her. Whose record has she accessed and how often. Then I think he should threaten to report her if she does it again. Make it very clear that she could lose her job.

I would never in reality report her or speak to the practice but surely the threat would be enough to stop her doing it.

WithASpider · 03/03/2022 13:03

Do you have an app for your medical records? I can see everyone who's accessed my records on mine.

I could totally see my MIL doing this if she still worked in the NHS.

I'm not sure you could have a quiet word with the Practice Manager without it triggering something, the suspicion would be enough for them to look into it.

iRun2eatCake · 03/03/2022 13:03

@RosiePosieDozy

I would never report her or raise it with the practice. Yes it's out of order but to grass your own mother/mother in law up so she loses her job? I could never.

I think your DH needs to sit down with her and ask her if she has accessed his records again. Get the facts from her. Whose record has she accessed and how often. Then I think he should threaten to report her if she does it again. Make it very clear that she could lose her job.

I would never in reality report her or speak to the practice but surely the threat would be enough to stop her doing it.

The threat of loosing her Registration hasn't stopped her.... so l doubt empty threats from her son will.
UnconditionalSurrender · 03/03/2022 13:05

Are you prepared to get your MIL sacked and split the family instead of you or your DH having a full and frank grown up conversation with her? In that if she doesn't stop looking you will have to inform the surgery. She knows what that means.
Don't let other people wind you up on here to do something that will cause such huge consequences.
Nothing will be done quietly. Once you have told the practice manager she will have to take disciplinary action. Getting her sacked because your DH doesn't have the balls to stand up to his parents is mad. She's in the wrong but come on..

FacebookPhotos · 03/03/2022 13:06

Or do I just say my mil works here and for my own peace of mind I'd like to restrict her access (without any cause for concern)

I'd do this. Particularly if you are trying to avoid confrontation. You probably won't be able to do it for your DH though, he would likely need to do it himself.

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