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Original poster

do you know anyone who got married very young nowadays

272 replies

lostintranslation12 · 02/03/2022 16:33

I recently found out a distant relative (who is now dead) got married when she was just 18 and her DH was also 18. This was a very long time ago and I know times were different but when I look at my DS who is 17 and although he’s a lovely lad the idea of him getting married next year seems beyond ridiculous. So I wondered does anyone know anyone who got married at a very young age (18/19/20) recently as in since 2010. How did it work out? Did they stay together? How did they manage finances ect?

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland · 03/03/2022 10:03

I know someone who got married in our third year of uni (20?). Both still together but are devoutly religious

Micsam89 · 03/03/2022 10:03

Husband and I were both 20 when we got married in 2009. We'll be celebrating 13 happily married years in September. No kids 😊

Tesoroxx · 03/03/2022 10:06

I was 19 when I married dh in 2011 10 year married now

romany4 · 03/03/2022 10:15

I got married in 1990 aged 18. DH was 21.
Had my first child at 22, second at 25.
We're still together 32 years later. We've had some tough times and DH is disabled now with poor health but we are still in love and hapoy.
Our kids are now 24 and 27. Neither are married though they are in serious relationships and the youngest became a father recently.
Neither of them have mentioned engagement or weddings yet!! I live in hope as I love both of their girlfriends and they both seem very happy

D0lphine · 03/03/2022 11:01

@KILM

In the most good natured way possible, this thread is absolutely infuriating as the majority of the responses are talking about pre 2010 which is what the OP specifically asked for because the whole point of the thread is wondering how common it is NOW, not if your parents are still together! Im actually laughing at how much this has annoyed meas this would have been an interesting thread otherwise.
I said the same thing previously, mentioning that if you got married in 2002 that's 20 years ago and the world has drastically changed since then.

I really really do think the world has changed since 2000- economically and the way in which we develop relationships.

Surely the fact buying a house is out of reach for youngsters is a massive contributor as to why people don't settle down young- they literally can't!

Surely the internet, social media and dating apps have massively changed the way we find and interact with partners, as well as splitting up!

If people can't see that I don't know what is going on! 🤣🤣🤣

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:15

You're definitely right there @D0lphine. I really think the difference to cost of living between the 00s and now has massively changed how people date. Also, with online dating, I do think dating culture has changed a lot too.

I find it really sad though that young people who want to settle down can't afford to. Why do you find it funny, just out of interest?

CJsGoldfish · 03/03/2022 11:16

No, I don't and it's not something I'd want for my children. Times are different in so many ways and I'm glad. There is no expectation to just 'settle' anymore and I think it's important that they know who they are and what they want without being attached to someone else whilst young. The world and the opportunities are endless and I want them to fly. They are and that makes my heart happy :)

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:18

I am finding the general chat around marrying young really interesting though. Even though people are NOT STICKING TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION AngryGrin

onlychildhamster · 03/03/2022 11:35

@SoberSerena surely marrying helps you buy a home earlier? I mean yes you can cohabitate and save together, but for me personally, marriage meant i could live with ILs for free in London and that enabled us to buy our own place. I mean, my DH had an ex colleague who just lived with his girlfriend's parents but i think parents are probably more amenable to such an arrangement if they know that your relationship is more 'long term'. Like you are no longer their DS/DD's romantic partner (which can last for a month or a lifetime) but the future mum/dad of their grandkids. So it is in the interests of their grandchildren that their parents are homeowners etc. Likely to have grandchildren faster if their parents can afford to buy a stable home etc.

glowingpink · 03/03/2022 11:41

I was 21 in 2010 and a few of my peers from uni did get married around then at 22/23. All still together as far as I know.

I also knew two couples at that time who had got married aged around 18-19, they were both very religious (Christian). I don't know if they're still together.

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:41

I think if a young couple had parents / in laws who lived in London and had extra space to house their adult child and his / her dp, then yes, that would make it easier to buy.

However, most people I know in London flat share until their 30s. I can think of a few couples whe haven't but they had parents who already owned property in London which they weren't using. A bit like your in laws. That's a very privileged position to be in though and isn't the norm

Grinling · 03/03/2022 11:42

@SoberSerena

I am finding the general chat around marrying young really interesting though. Even though people are NOT STICKING TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION AngryGrin
This is true. Although on a sense, while there’s obviously no point volunteering that your parents married at eighteen in 1970, I’m not sure there’s a lot of point in saying you know someone who married at 18 in 2020 either, because it’s just to soon to gauge whether it will last and/or be happy (not nec the same thing) — assuming the OP is, as her post suggests, interested in the longevity of early marriages.

Personally I’m fascinated by early marriages that occur outside the contexts of arranged marriages in conservative communities and the kind of Christians who marry early because they are otherwise celibate — I’m interested in why someone without community/faith pressures, someone with options and the world open to them, in 2022 would choose to marry in their teens or early 20s. Especially the ones who offer as evidence of their readiness that they have a job, a mortgage, a car and have been with the other person since they were 17. Why?

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:42

@SoberSerena

I think if a young couple had parents / in laws who lived in London and had extra space to house their adult child and his / her dp, then yes, that would make it easier to buy.

However, most people I know in London flat share until their 30s. I can think of a few couples whe haven't but they had parents who already owned property in London which they weren't using. A bit like your in laws. That's a very privileged position to be in though and isn't the norm

To @onlychildhamster
SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:43

Completely agree @Grinling and I thought the same myself. Is it really any more useful to hear about a brand new marriage between 18yos than it is to hear about a couple who married at that age many years ago and are still married? For me, they are of equal interest

JuteWeaver · 03/03/2022 11:44

I was bridesmaid for a friend who was just about to turn 18, back in 1991, and they not so long since celebrated their 30th anniversary.
It can work for some youngsters, but I imagine they'd be in the minority.

Xenia · 03/03/2022 11:50

Marrying young (as long as you work / have a good education) can mean you are more likely to buy a house - no gap years, pointless masters, sitting around at home etc etc just getting on with life. No 10 years of nightclubs with loads of money spent on going out. Just family foundation etc. In our family the following things have helped.

  1. Buy a first property before you breed
  2. Buy with 2 full time professional salaries (so choose a spouse and your own career wisely) before the babies come.
  3. Marry (and before babies come) - marriage tends to mean people stay together longer. I am glad my daughters both qualified as lawyers, bought a property , married and then had babies (as did I).
  4. Get on with life. I graduated a at 20 a year young as I was a year young through secondary school. I chose law so that avoids doing a post degree law conversion so I did not "waste" another year studying on that. I did not have any gap years nor maternity leaves so not surprisingly my earnings have never dropped and I work full time and always have. However those are just my choices. Plenty of people from all kinds of cultures in the UK who marry young do things in many different ways - neither right nor wrong, just different.

Also I do think at university you get the chance to meet a lot of good suitable similar people and it may be easier to find a future husband there than once you are working. My parents met there in effect. I did - during my post grad. My son met his girl friend there - they are not engaged yet but we shall see.... they are still students.

On living with parents in London - I live in outer London and my lawyer daughters could live her for post grad studies and to some extent when doing 2 years training/first job and two of my sons are doing the same now who are students - it has definitely helped that I live here rather than moving to remote Northumberland (I am from NE England) once they left school.

AHobbyaweek · 03/03/2022 11:51

We got married at 20 and 22 in 2012 and just celebrated 10 years with two children eldest 6.
Happily married.

onlychildhamster · 03/03/2022 11:52

@SoberSerena my MIL earns below minimum wage but was lucky enough to buy a house in the 1990s. I married at 22, moved back to London to live with MIL at 24 and bought at 27.

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 03/03/2022 11:54

My country has common-law marriage that kicks in after a year of cohabitation (not 100% certain of the exact timing) and also if you cohabitate with the parent of your children.

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 03/03/2022 11:55

So, as a result lots of young adults from my country find themselves ‘married’ to what they considered a relatively casual live-in partner.

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:57

[quote onlychildhamster]@SoberSerena my MIL earns below minimum wage but was lucky enough to buy a house in the 1990s. I married at 22, moved back to London to live with MIL at 24 and bought at 27.[/quote]
Oh yes, that is very lucky! Not many people have that sort of arrangement available to them you see. So no, I don't think that marrying young directly leads to buying property being easier for you as a rule. Most young people have to pay huge amounts of rent in London and it is extremely difficult to get on the ladder there. Either their family lives elsewhere or their family is tight on space so they can't fit their adult dcs and partners in, married or not. Are you still in London? Do you not notice how your younger friends / colleagues live? Or are they all a bit more on the lucky side? Genuinely asking out of interest and not being snarky

SoberSerena · 03/03/2022 11:59

BTW, dh and I have a house and are lucky too. But it doesn't make me blind to what the norm is for my generation and those younger than us

CoalCraft · 03/03/2022 11:59

DH and I were both 24 when we married, so not very young, but young by modern standards. We've been together since we were 19/20 and are happy now at 27/28.

My brother meanwhile married sil when he was 23 and she 21. They're about to celebrate their tenth anniversary.

Neither of us have anything on our grandparents though, who married at 19/20 and were happy for 62 years until Gramps passed away.

D0lphine · 03/03/2022 12:03

@SoberSerena

You're definitely right there *@D0lphine*. I really think the difference to cost of living between the 00s and now has massively changed how people date. Also, with online dating, I do think dating culture has changed a lot too.

I find it really sad though that young people who want to settle down can't afford to. Why do you find it funny, just out of interest?

I find it funny that people can't see that things have changed in 20 years. I don't find the situation funny- far from it!
onlychildhamster · 03/03/2022 12:05

@SoberSerena my DH's childhood room was a box room! MIL's was a typical 3 bed Victorian terrace (2 double bedrooms and box room). we stayed in a reception room.

Traditionally, thats what people did in the past when they married young. But marrying young doesn't mean that you have to stop working or have kids immediately. You can pursue whatever aspirations you have, you just have to do it together.