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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we both don't need to do the school run??

86 replies

cantstandhimargh · 02/03/2022 09:08

Need a good old rant before I loose it! 35 weeks pregnant and I've had enough of OH I would quite honestly like him out the house until I have this baby.

I can appreciate I am probably hormonal but I can't see the point in us both needing to do the school run. I get up in the morning do breakfast last nights washing up and fold washing (he promised to do it last night but didn't and spoke to his mum and brother on the phone for 2 hours instead) and I get the kids ready. All he has to do is drop them off but NO apparently I am selfish because DS will have to stand in the rain for a few minutes. So what!!!! He won't die. DD goes in at 8:45 but by time you walk DS round aswell you will probably only be waiting a minute or two (he goes in at 8:50)

He has been on his phone all morning and made the kids late as he was trying to get some limited edition trainers.

I can't be fucked with him at all, the only thing he really does is the school run and I still have to beg him to do that.

He kicked the door like a child before leaving then doing crazy signs at me through the window. He's like a child!

Please am AIBU?

Apologies if my punctuation is horrible I've just had enough and needed to get it out!

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 02/03/2022 09:35

You don't sound hormonal.

You sound like you have two (soon to be three) children with a childish, selfish arsehole.

username1293948 · 02/03/2022 09:36

Don’t go then

Original poster
cantstandhimargh · 02/03/2022 09:38

The thing is though when I speak to him about it he doesn't seem to understand. All he ever says is plenty of women are heavily pregnant and just get on with it. He will see me bent over the sink washing up struggling and he won't offer to help.

I think I am just going to have to suck it up until baby is here and grin and bare it. But I've really had enough everything he does makes me cringe as I feel like I'm in a relationship with a child not a nearly 32 year old.

OP posts:
gingerbiscuits · 02/03/2022 09:39

What a selfish, childish, pathetic, unsupportive prick of a man! He sounds exactly like a sulky teenager, not a husband & soon to be father of 3. Utter dick. Don't think you're being in the least bit unreasonable not to want him around you right now. Tell him to f*ck off for a few days because he's making you super stressed at a time when you should be calm & resting & he's no help to you when he's there anyway. Seriously. Make him leave for a few days at least. And tell everyone who feels the need to have an opinion about it what a complete & utter fuckwit he is. Good luck.

cadburyegg · 02/03/2022 09:42

Single mum here. I do the school run every single morning without fail. DS1 can go in from 8.45 but DS2 is at preschool where they all go in individually so we queue up from 9am. This means we have queued up in the cold and wet every day during winter. Your DH sounds like a useless arse

GabriellaMontez · 02/03/2022 09:44

Selfish and aggressive. Make some long term plans for how you're going to leave him in the future.

NCforpoo · 02/03/2022 09:48

You know being pregnant is the equivalent exertion of running a marathon every day.
Tell him to go stay somewhere else until the baby is born as he's contributing nothing and is no help at all.

endofthelinefinally · 02/03/2022 09:57

Please tell me you are married OR you are financially independent OR you have legal documents in place to ensure you have equal rights to money and property. This man is an absolute waste of space.
Once baby is born get your ducks in a row and get legal advice to at least protect your income, your home and your children if you separate.

GoldenOmber · 02/03/2022 10:00

The thing is though when I speak to him about it he doesn't seem to understand. All he ever says is plenty of women are heavily pregnant and just get on with it. He will see me bent over the sink washing up struggling and he won't offer to help.

He can understand perfectly well, he just doesn’t care. You can’t rationally explain him into caring.

babyjellyfish · 02/03/2022 10:09

@cantstandhimargh

The thing is though when I speak to him about it he doesn't seem to understand. All he ever says is plenty of women are heavily pregnant and just get on with it. He will see me bent over the sink washing up struggling and he won't offer to help.

I think I am just going to have to suck it up until baby is here and grin and bare it. But I've really had enough everything he does makes me cringe as I feel like I'm in a relationship with a child not a nearly 32 year old.

Right.

So what exactly does he think his responsibilities are?

What value does he think he adds to your life?

Pluvia · 02/03/2022 10:13

@Ragwort

I mean this kindly but why, why why do women keep having DC with useless men? I know I will be accused of victim blaming and it's 'too late' for this OP but we have countless threads like this on Mumsnet year after year .... does anyone ever read the threads and think before having a second, third child ...... with someone who has already shown themselves to be an incompetent father?
I agree with you. The more of these threads I read, the less sympathy I can find for the women involved. He hasn't suddenly become a useless father, has he?
FantasticFebruary · 02/03/2022 10:19

Why are you going to put up with it?

I cannot understand why you are having a third child with this twat?

I'd pack him a bag & tell him to take it to his mothers & stay there with it!!

DameHelena · 02/03/2022 10:24

He kicked the door like a child before leaving then doing crazy signs at me through the window.
Sorry, what?
I don't know a single adult person who would do that.
Why do people put up with shit like this?

Jvg33 · 02/03/2022 10:28

I'm assuming you are now on maternity leave? If so, why is it that men think women should do absolutely everything if they are on leave?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2022 10:40

Aside from him being a complete nob….

This is probably the reason they have different drop off times, I assume in the infants and junior - so that one person can do the school run, and have time to walk around. If the expectation was that there were two people doing it, the school could have drop offs at the same time.

77kidsandcounting · 02/03/2022 10:42

Misses the point completely but why do you struggle doing washing up when pregnant? Ive had 4 kids and never struggled doing the dishes? Confused

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2022 10:42

I'm assuming you are now on maternity leave? If so, why is it that men think women should do absolutely everything if they are on leave?

^^
Yes absolutely- or that they don’t have to make any allowance for the fact you’re growing a human - you will need more rest for example.

I also think that when people make their pregnant partner do any late night driving that needs to be done because “oh they can’t drink anyway”. No, but they’re likely to be very tired, so an 11 pm or even later drive might not be appropriate

Bookworm20 · 02/03/2022 10:43

The thing is though when I speak to him about it he doesn't seem to understand. All he ever says is plenty of women are heavily pregnant and just get on with it. He will see me bent over the sink washing up struggling and he won't offer to help.

That is shocking, what a useless idiot.

Wouldn't normally advocate this, but I think its time to invent a very bad back OP, one that requires you to rest fully for a few days. Let him take up ALL the slack, the lazy git.

I bet he'll find it hard and thats without being heavily pregnant!

Failing that just go on strike until he starts stepping up. Blame it on the hormones.

LampLighter414 · 02/03/2022 10:44

YANBU

Also, if you are the kind of family who all goes food shopping together, I can reassure you that you do not need to do that as a group either!! In fact all other shoppers will appreciate you not blocking the aisles in your group of 4 and kids running around getting in the way. Try sending one adult on their own.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2022 10:44

All he ever says is plenty of women are heavily pregnant and just get on with it.

It’s not a race to the bottom though. Plenty of people are single parents, but you’re not, so you shouldn’t have to do everything.

Sorry to keep posting but this has really got my goat!

HPmagic · 02/03/2022 10:45

Ask him if he would like to swap roles so he gets the children dressed in the morning whilst you lie in and then you can take them to school and see how he fancies that.

tiredanddangerous · 02/03/2022 10:49

What a child he is!! I spent 2 years standing waiting for 20 minutes 5 days a week for nursery to let us in after I'd dropped dc1 at the school next door. You wear a coat and take an umbrella!

biggirlknickers · 02/03/2022 10:57

OP it sounds as if, apart from him being lazy, immature and selfish, that YOU have the ‘ick’ as you say everything he does makes you cringe.

At this point, in all honesty, your relationship is doomed. Whether you put it out of its misery today or in ten years time is entirely up to you. But you will. And may I say, the sooner you do so the earlier you will find peace and contentment.

insanemumof3 · 02/03/2022 11:06

Sounds like a super duper arsehole. 🙄 wonder if he gives a toss about how you are coping atm!?

MissMaple82 · 02/03/2022 11:09

The more Mumsnet posts I read, the more content I become at being a single mother