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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell you about my best friend?

91 replies

WeasilyPleased · 02/03/2022 00:15

My best friend died tonight at 7.07pm. She had a hernia operation which left her with a hole in her stomach so had another op. Then she developed an infection so had a third op which we were told she may not survive.
She did and was chatting and laughing with the nurses. Today her family told me she'd taken a turn for the worse and was probably not going to make it. They are amazing people who I love like family and they invited me to go and say goodbye.
She couldn't talk which was eerie because she usually never stopped!
She was a vibrant, feisty eccentric. Bloody minded, fiercely loyal and politically very astute. She stood by me when I had no one else and had to give dh the once over before I'd get serious with him. She swore like a trooper, made me laugh til I cried and was my greatest support.
Strongest woman I've ever met.
I don't know right now how I'll cope without her tbh. That's horribly selfish but I cant think straight. How do I cope with this?
I've promised her girls ( 1 daughter 3 granddaughters) I'll be there for them however they need me. Sorry for the ramble but I loved her and know you would have too if you'd met her.

OP posts:
Woahbodyforrrrm · 02/03/2022 00:16

I'm so sorry 💐 She sounds like a wonderful friend and it seems you were blessed with a special friendship.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

Movingonup22 · 02/03/2022 00:19

She sounds lovely and how wonderful to have had her in your life. I’m so sorry for your pain now. Xxxx

Fluffyflowerpot · 02/03/2022 00:19

I am so sorry - you write about her beautifully. Her personality jumps off the screen.

BigPantsLittlePants · 02/03/2022 00:19

I am so very sorry to hear this. Your friend sounds absolutely brilliant and is clearly going to leave a big void in your life. I don't have any words of wisdom, just know that eventually in time, you will be able to look back on your time together with fondness and be glad that you were such an important part of each other's lives. Sending enormous hugs to you.

Blancmangetout · 02/03/2022 00:28

I'm so sorry for your loss. In time the happy memories of having her in your life will overtake the sadness you are feeling now. Take care of yourself. Love and best wishes to you and her remaining family.

Orangesox · 02/03/2022 00:31

I am so sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds like such a vivacious and formidable character; she is lucky to have you there to support her girls through this difficult time, but please remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the indulgence of grieving properly and intensely.

I do have some words of wisdom having just reached the heady milestone of having lost my son 13 years ago. It will never hurt any less than it does today, nor will you forget your friend or find yourself forgetting about your loss… you simply grow around that hole inside your heart, and learn to cope better with your loss as each day passes. I’m having to remind myself of this daily having lost my mum completely suddenly and unexpectedly just over a month ago; we lay her to rest on Thursday and it still doesn’t feel real that I won’t ever see her again, but I know that I can cope with this, and I will grow once again around the hole she has left in my heart now too.

Sending you and your friends family my thoughts and love Flowers

Weatherwax13 · 02/03/2022 00:36

I'm so sorry. A bereavement like this makes your world tilt on its axis. You were so lucky to have her and I bet she knew how lucky she was to have you also.
Your love and respect for her shine through your words.

StringFellow · 02/03/2022 00:39

So sorry for your loss Flowers I bet you were such a support to her. Nothings selfish about what you say or how you feel. At least in this thread hopefully you can feel free to express things however you wish without impacting on others feelings though? Hope your DH is there for you

LAHybridrc · 02/03/2022 00:41

I’m so sorry for your loss, she sounds amazing. Be kind to yourself over the coming weeks 💐

FairyLightAddict · 02/03/2022 00:43

I'm so sorry!!!! She sounds amazing. I hope you are ok xx

irishfarmer · 02/03/2022 00:44

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like ye had a very close bond. x

2020nymph · 02/03/2022 00:46

I'm so sorry for your loss, she sounds amazing Thanks

Genegenieee · 02/03/2022 00:49

I'm so sorry, she sounds so wonderful and so very important to you - a loss like that is huge, I remember feeling like I was on the edge of a dark chasm as the space my friend left was so big and empty. I'm really truly sorry Thanks

MaryStuart · 02/03/2022 00:57

I’m very sorry for your loss Op. She sounds ace. 💐

Seemslikeagoodidea · 02/03/2022 01:08

I'm sorry for your loss, you must be in pieces right now. It sounds like your friend was really special. Hopefully you will see glimpses of her through her daughter and grandchildren, as you stay close to them in the coming years.

DreamTheMoors · 02/03/2022 01:17

There’s only one way to get through this, to get by this, to get over this, @WeasilyPleased: time.

Remember the Three T’s: Things Take Time

It’s been fifteen years since I lost my best friend, and it’s only now that I remember the laughs and the jokes and the smiles and all the good things and none of the pain. It takes time.

I’m so very sorry you lost your friend.
You’re in my heart. ❤️

anonymoooose · 02/03/2022 01:22

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my best friend in 2018. I still miss her so much. I'm wrapping my arms around you right now.
The way you write about her is so lovely. She sounds like an amazing friend ❤️

DramaAlpaca · 02/03/2022 01:23

I'm so very sorry for your loss Flowers

cuno · 02/03/2022 01:26

I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like such an amazing person and friend. There's no words I can offer that will be of much help, but you're in no way selfish for wondering how you're even going to cope without her. I think it is completely normal to feel that way when you've lost someone who was such a big part of your life. Flowers

WeasilyPleased · 02/03/2022 01:43

I cant settle so came back here. Thank you all so very much. You've made me cry in a good way thanks to your kindness. She'd be saying "What are you bloody crying for you daft bugger?!"
@Orangesox I am so sorry for your loss. Your words really resonated.Flowers

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 02/03/2022 03:17

She sounds like a wonderful person, the world shall be a little dimmer without her, but the stars will shine that much brighter. Take care of yourself Flowers

FreyaMaya · 02/03/2022 03:33

I'm so sorry 😞 x

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 02/03/2022 05:11

Your friend sounds like an amazing lady. Her daughter and granddaughter are lucky to have you. Im sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the pain of losing one of my best friends. May she rest now in the arms of the angels x

pantsandpringles · 02/03/2022 05:20

Your friend sounds like someone I'd like absolutely love to be around, and so do you, OP.
Sending you all the love at this difficult time. Xxx

Tilltheend99 · 02/03/2022 05:36

How terribly sad op Flowers It’s ok to take time for yourself to process, cry, and grieve. In terms of practical stuff to feel useful, you have already said you would like to support your friends daughter and grandchildren. I’m sure the help will be really appreciated and what your lovely friend would have wanted.

Maybe make sure there freezer is stocked so they don’t have to worry about cooking and some child minding while all the arrangements are being sorted?

It’s very tough but the memories of your friend and her spirited attitude to life will pull you through