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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell you about my best friend?

91 replies

WeasilyPleased · 02/03/2022 00:15

My best friend died tonight at 7.07pm. She had a hernia operation which left her with a hole in her stomach so had another op. Then she developed an infection so had a third op which we were told she may not survive.
She did and was chatting and laughing with the nurses. Today her family told me she'd taken a turn for the worse and was probably not going to make it. They are amazing people who I love like family and they invited me to go and say goodbye.
She couldn't talk which was eerie because she usually never stopped!
She was a vibrant, feisty eccentric. Bloody minded, fiercely loyal and politically very astute. She stood by me when I had no one else and had to give dh the once over before I'd get serious with him. She swore like a trooper, made me laugh til I cried and was my greatest support.
Strongest woman I've ever met.
I don't know right now how I'll cope without her tbh. That's horribly selfish but I cant think straight. How do I cope with this?
I've promised her girls ( 1 daughter 3 granddaughters) I'll be there for them however they need me. Sorry for the ramble but I loved her and know you would have too if you'd met her.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 16:55

I'm so sorry for your loss @WeasilyPleased :( What you wrote about her was beautiful and you were lucky to have such a fantastic friend in your life. The only advise I have, having lost my best friend at 19 is to keep on talking about her and celebrating her memory, talk to her grandchildren about her so they will no more about the woman they should have had in their lives that bit longer

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 16:55

Know more*

clarepetal · 02/03/2022 16:57

@Fluffyflowerpot

I am so sorry - you write about her beautifully. Her personality jumps off the screen.

This, a thousand times. So sorry for your loss. Flowers

REP22 · 02/03/2022 17:04

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds fabulous, exactly the sort of person that is great to have around. It's not fair that her life ended too soon.

I know you've already spoken to her family, but could you also write them a letter on the things you loved and appreciated about your friend, and the things she did that made you smile? They might not be taking everything in just now (understandably) and might appreciate reading about her and how much she was valued in the future.

I only say this because my lovely dad died very suddenly, tragically and totally unexpectedly. It was a lot to deal with, but a number of his friends took the time to write and I really appreciated it. I know that my brother did too. It's nice to have them and all the love they hold in their words, and that I can go back and read them again if ever I want to.

This lovely lady was lucky to have a great friend like you to make her smile.

Take care of yourself, and allow yourself the time and space to grieve and be angry at the injustice of it all. Very best wishes to you. xx

Hollywolly1 · 02/03/2022 17:11

Lucky you to have had such a nice friend and she was lucky to have known you to,its a terrible pity this happened to your friend,hope you will be okayFlowers

harrystylestaylorswift · 02/03/2022 17:12

Sorry to hear your sad news - she sounds like the life of the party and I bet you were a cracking pair x

JayniSummers · 02/03/2022 17:55

How lucky she was to have such a good friend in you ! I'm so so sorry for your loss . Take the best of her with you xxxxxx

AngelNumber44 · 02/03/2022 17:56

It is the worst feeling in the world, i am so sorry for your loss. When you have a thought of ill send them a text and then you remember you cant because they are gone. it is horrible.. One of my oldest best friends was stabbed to death a month ago on my road by their ex husband that was stalking them and now i cant ever walk down my road again without it hitting me in the face. It leaves an empty feeling inside of you, the pain might diminish somewhat over time, but it never truly leaves you when you lose a friend you are close to. I wish you peace and im sure they were an amazing person

Yamalt · 02/03/2022 17:56

I’m so sorry 💔

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2022 18:08

@WeasilyPleased

My best friend died tonight at 7.07pm. She had a hernia operation which left her with a hole in her stomach so had another op. Then she developed an infection so had a third op which we were told she may not survive. She did and was chatting and laughing with the nurses. Today her family told me she'd taken a turn for the worse and was probably not going to make it. They are amazing people who I love like family and they invited me to go and say goodbye. She couldn't talk which was eerie because she usually never stopped! She was a vibrant, feisty eccentric. Bloody minded, fiercely loyal and politically very astute. She stood by me when I had no one else and had to give dh the once over before I'd get serious with him. She swore like a trooper, made me laugh til I cried and was my greatest support. Strongest woman I've ever met. I don't know right now how I'll cope without her tbh. That's horribly selfish but I cant think straight. How do I cope with this? I've promised her girls ( 1 daughter 3 granddaughters) I'll be there for them however they need me. Sorry for the ramble but I loved her and know you would have too if you'd met her.
What a horrible shock for you.

So, so sorry for your loss.

You will cope, but slowly. Be very kind to yourself and accept all the help and kindness offered. It does help
Flowers

DeeCeeCherry · 02/03/2022 18:29

She sounds wonderful.

The way youve described her is such a vivid tribute.

Sorry for your loss🌹

Georgeskitchen · 02/03/2022 18:31

So sorry, heartbreaking for you and for everyone who loved her. You're not selfish at all, at this moment you're grieving for a wonderful person who isn't here anymore.
It's a lot to take in. My sister died 15 months ago and it still doesn't feel real xx

TheVolturi · 02/03/2022 18:33

So sorry op! She sounds like she was great, and you sound like a lovely friend.

BodgertheJogger · 02/03/2022 18:36

I can empathise with your situation! She sounds lovely, her family do and you do also. The way you are reacting is completely normal, please don't bash yourself.
Be gentle with yourself, I'd be gutted to the core.

Lily737 · 02/03/2022 19:06

I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing friend. I have a best friend too - 40 plus years, and I'd be devastated to lose her.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 02/03/2022 19:10

Sorry for your loss OPFlowers she sounded like a wonderful friend.

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