Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Resigned but asked to stay

101 replies

Anon7774 · 01/03/2022 18:03

posted in staff room but posting here too for more traffic

I resigned mid November to leave at Easter. I gave plenty of notice considering resignation for Easter date was actually yesterday. My head whose an absolutely lovely woman has been very supportive of my decision, but today requested if I can stay till July as a favour to them as they finding it hard to fill my role.

I made it clear no I cannot but been asked to think over it and let her know end of week.

I’m really struggling with life, kids and husband and she knows it so is she being a CF by asking me this? Should I feel guilty? Is there any benefit for me to stay?

Just for context I am not going to another job and money is not an issue if I don’t fit for a year or so. Once I’ve sorted myself out I can easily find another job or even supply. I have supplied when my kids were very young and I loved it. Would love to do supply again so not in huge need to stay in this job. What shall I do?

OP posts:
JustLyra · 01/03/2022 20:25

The head wasn’t a CF’er for asking the first time, but she absolutely is for the end of the week thing. Putting pressure like that on someone you know is struggling and is a people pleaser is just rude.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 20:27

Are you teaching GCSE or A-Level? If so I'd think really hard about whether you can make it through to June, because it's the kids who will suffer if you don't.

This is emotional blackmail and toxic IMO. One teacher is not responsible - this person has gone above and beyond in terms of notice period.

Far too much of this type of bullying towards teachers.

Daphnise · 01/03/2022 20:30

Don't be blackmailed into staying.

Be decent but firm and stick to your original decision- the reasons for which have not changed.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 20:30

@Anon7774

Thank you everyone. I’ve never had a day where I don’t think about work and I often wake up in the night worrying about everything that needs to be done. I keep muttering “I hate my job” and didn’t realise I was saying it till my youngest copied me. I literally didn’t realise I said it, that’s when I resigned. I keep stopping myself and being aware of what I’m saying. I’m not well at all. But I’ve always had some type of stress in my teaching jobs so just put it down to that. It’s not normal to keep muttering “I hate my job” is it?
You need to leave.

You deserve to leave.

You owe it to yourself to leave.

You are allowed to leave.

I also hate my job (different type of job). I will be leaving soon Smile.

BrutusMcDogface · 01/03/2022 20:31

I read your title and thought straight away that you must be a teacher! An ex colleague of mine left recently due to family circumstances and the head made her life a MISERY. He was a horrible twat. You just need to stay calm, friendly but firm with her and say you are sorry, but you can’t stay.

Personally, I’m plucking up the courage to ask for part time as I am also struggling to cope.

Family comes first, always. Second only perhaps to your own mental health in this situation; you can’t look after anyone if you’re not looking after yourself. Flowers

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/03/2022 20:34

@labyrinthlaziness

Are you teaching GCSE or A-Level? If so I'd think really hard about whether you can make it through to June, because it's the kids who will suffer if you don't.

This is emotional blackmail and toxic IMO. One teacher is not responsible - this person has gone above and beyond in terms of notice period.

Far too much of this type of bullying towards teachers.

OP confirmed no exam classes.
labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 20:36

@ThanksItHasPockets

She is entitled to leave even if she does have exam years, it is emotional blackmail to say otherwise.

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/03/2022 20:41

I agree. I was just confirming a fact.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 20:46

@ThanksItHasPockets

I agree. I was just confirming a fact.
Brew would have done a thumbs up but it doesn;t exist!
Notanotherusernamenow · 01/03/2022 20:47

Can you go back as supply??

affairsofdragons · 01/03/2022 20:47

We can't even get supply in when we need it desperately and struggle to cover internally.

I still say go under the circumstances: you gave well more than you have to in terms of notice, and your mental health is suffering. Just say no, staying on doesn't work for you. The Head can take the class if they really can't find a replacement

Hesma · 01/03/2022 20:52

Never forget there was a reason you wanted to leave. Put your mental health and well-being first. If staying will affect it then say no. If it won’t then think about it

spotcheck · 01/03/2022 20:55

Negotiate

Can you ask for less responsibility/ hours?

Howshouldibehave · 01/03/2022 20:57

Just go-the head is chancing their arm and hoping they can persuade you to stay. Not your problem.

ApathyMartha · 01/03/2022 21:08

HAVE they tried to recruit? Or are they just trying their luck? I left after 20 years and I was told how much better I looked by several people. Please put yourself first.

Bearnecessity · 01/03/2022 21:19

Be gone..be happy....🙂

balalake · 01/03/2022 21:52

Just say no, perhaps even sooner than Friday.

StoneofDestiny · 01/03/2022 22:19

It won't affect your career at all. Just leave and get your life on track.

echt · 01/03/2022 23:02

@SleepingStandingUp

Given your last post I'd be very clear "I'm sorry, but I do not feel I can handle this job until July. Leaving as planned is better for us all than me not coming in one Wednesday down the road because I have had a breakdown."
Don’t write this.
echt · 01/03/2022 23:08

In your thread on Staffroom you said going part-time was out as PTs were expected to come in unpaid on their non-contracted days. Also that there had been quite a number of resignations at the school.

This says everything about a poorly-managed school that cares nothing for their staff,, and they are only looking out for themselves.

Just go.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/03/2022 23:16

Negotiate ... Can you ask for less responsibility/ hours?

I really wouldn't recommend it - not when there's every chance the Head would agree and then start with the "Could you justs ...?" again, until OP found herself doing exactly the same hours/duties as before or even more

And why are so many suggesting OP says "Sorry, but I can't ..."? What is there to be sorry about when she's already gone well beyond what's required for her notice period?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 01/03/2022 23:18

Not your problem.
Leave.
They'll just have to figure it out.

KTheGrey · 02/03/2022 02:51

Have a look at the "Life after Teaching - exit the classroom and thrive" group on Facebook. It's very hard line on putting your mental health first; also confirms you are far from alone.

Weatherwax13 · 02/03/2022 03:06

If you fear you'll crumble and give in, why not write a polite, brief email to her asap formally confirming that your leaving date is non negotiable. And end it with something along the lines of "Now this is clarified we won't need to discuss it further".
I'm just thinking you may find this easier as you're obviously very fragile atm. Get out and take care of yourself.

Lilac57 · 02/03/2022 06:31

@echt

In your thread on Staffroom you said going part-time was out as PTs were expected to come in unpaid on their non-contracted days. Also that there had been quite a number of resignations at the school.

This says everything about a poorly-managed school that cares nothing for their staff,, and they are only looking out for themselves.

Just go.

Oh good grief they're that kind of school are they?! Your Head is not lovely, at all. Do not do them any favours, they would never in a million years do you any.
Swipe left for the next trending thread