Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Resigned but asked to stay

101 replies

Anon7774 · 01/03/2022 18:03

posted in staff room but posting here too for more traffic

I resigned mid November to leave at Easter. I gave plenty of notice considering resignation for Easter date was actually yesterday. My head whose an absolutely lovely woman has been very supportive of my decision, but today requested if I can stay till July as a favour to them as they finding it hard to fill my role.

I made it clear no I cannot but been asked to think over it and let her know end of week.

I’m really struggling with life, kids and husband and she knows it so is she being a CF by asking me this? Should I feel guilty? Is there any benefit for me to stay?

Just for context I am not going to another job and money is not an issue if I don’t fit for a year or so. Once I’ve sorted myself out I can easily find another job or even supply. I have supplied when my kids were very young and I loved it. Would love to do supply again so not in huge need to stay in this job. What shall I do?

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 01/03/2022 19:39

@Anon7774

I’m a people pleaser. I know I will just give in and stay. I need a break from everything. Lots of people have left recently without even giving their notice in! It’s a really pressured environment. I am worried about my career down the line but I know I’m a good teacher and by doing supply I will hopefully find something. I’m mentally not here for my family as my mind is at work all the time.

Why don’t you think about suggesting you do 3 days from Easter up to the end of the year, and that you expect to be paid up to 31st August? Does your Head know WHY you want to leave?

NinaDefoe · 01/03/2022 19:40

Leave, leave as soon as you can, and don't listen to anything they say to try and get you to stay. It will all be bollocks.

I am very suspicious and only you know if they can be trusted.

TracyMosby · 01/03/2022 19:40

I wouldnt stay until july if she has no intention of paying until September.

Movingonup22 · 01/03/2022 19:41

Why are you putting her above the needs of your children? (If you’re not able to put yourmove needs first…)

HollyRoo · 01/03/2022 19:42

Do not stay (unless you want to which you dont so go!)

I have been in teaching for 25 years and every time I resigned to go to a new job I was asked to stay. When I left to take early retirement they asked me to stay. I didn't

I never stayed - all the schools survived and I did what was right for me.

You have made the decision that is right for you, feel no guilt leave and enjoy time to recover.

Teaching is brutal and you need to look after yourself.

I would not stay even if they made adjustments - the adjustments will not last and you will soon be back in the same place again.

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/03/2022 19:42

The HT is not unreasonable to ask.

You are not unreasonable to say no.

The fact that this is causing you so much worry is a very clear sign that you should not say yes.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2022 19:43

Given your last post I'd be very clear
"I'm sorry, but I do not feel I can handle this job until July. Leaving as planned is better for us all than me not coming in one Wednesday down the road because I have had a breakdown."

HollyRoo · 01/03/2022 19:45

Reading some of the other posts. Do not offer to go part time. You will be doing the same amount of work for less money. You may have a bit less teaching (but lets face it that is the easy bit) but you will probably have to plan make resources, have more meetings with others who will be doing the other two days. You will still have all the report writing, dealing with parents etc.

Leave OP leave and enjoy your life again

HollyRoo · 01/03/2022 19:46

Also dont admit not being able to handle the job!

Just say thank you for your offer but it is not possible for me to stay past the original date.

TravellingFrom · 01/03/2022 19:50

@Anon7774

So please please go.

YOU need that break, that much is clear from your posts.
You also need to learn that the world is not going to collapse if you say NO. The school will cope, one way or another, just like they are coping with all the other teachers leaving.
But for yourself, you need to say NO and realise it’s ok to put yourself first rather than everyone else.

Fwiw if that many teachers are leaving, the HT might want to have a look at the way they are managing their staff….
They might be desperate so really want you to stay (until July and then it will be October or December etc….). But that’s not your problem. That’s THEIR issue.

Benjispruce5 · 01/03/2022 19:51

Well, if you stay, it will be long forgotten that you’re doing her a favour and you will be subject to the same workload, data management and inspections and observations as everyone else. I’d do what’s right for you.
Similar has happened to a colleague of mine. She wished she’d left when she wanted.

TracyMosby · 01/03/2022 19:53

I agree dont go part time.

If you want to stay, best idea would be to request dropping some classes. Depending how many times a week you see each class. Id be asking to drop two classes, gaining 6 ppa periods. Not frees.

Original poster

Anon7774 · 01/03/2022 19:53

Thank you everyone. I’ve never had a day where I don’t think about work and I often wake up in the night worrying about everything that needs to be done. I keep muttering “I hate my job” and didn’t realise I was saying it till my youngest copied me. I literally didn’t realise I said it, that’s when I resigned. I keep stopping myself and being aware of what I’m saying. I’m not well at all. But I’ve always had some type of stress in my teaching jobs so just put it down to that. It’s not normal to keep muttering “I hate my job” is it?

OP posts:

Benjispruce5 · 01/03/2022 19:57

No it’s not OP. You’re not pleasing yourself or your family m. Time to prioritise your health and well-being. Good luck.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/03/2022 19:59

She’s probably just asking out of desperation as many children have had so much disruption. That’s not your fault of course, but if you can I’m sure many would appreciate it

I'd like to think so, but doubt it very much. An awful lot of the caring professions work on emotional blackmail, but beyond the initial "Ooooo you are kind" it often doesn't take long for the next "Could you just ..." to arrive

NinaDefoe · 01/03/2022 20:03

I’m not well at all

Having read this, I think you need to leave.
Just tell your HT that you cannot stay. You wish you could ‘help out’ but you can’t.

FantasticFebruary · 01/03/2022 20:03

I’ve struggled coming into work but I have. It’s taking it’s toll as I feel myself really heading for a breakdown. I cannot cope

Carry on being a people pleaser!! But now please yourself & your family!!!

HT wants you & needs you! But you & your FAMILY need you more!!

I think she's being a bit of a CF when she knows you're struggling... but it's hard to hold that against her in the current situation.

Tell her 'thank you but NO, your kids need you, your marriage needs you to be present and YOU need to leave before you get to the point of no return!!

The current teacher shortage is NIT your doing nothing your problem to fix!!

Kenwouldmixitup · 01/03/2022 20:09

“People pleaser” “heading for a breakdown”. Might you see a link here?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 01/03/2022 20:14

I am also a people pleaser. I find it helps in situations to consider who actually deserves the best of me. You cannot ‘please’ your family and your managers. Which of them loves you and deserves your very best? Which of them will be in your life in 5, 10, 20 years? You cannot please everyone in this situation and it is clear who should be your priority (it’s you btw). Please don’t jeopardise your health and happiness to avoid an awkward conversation (especially since you can present deal with it via email anyway). Think how much better you will feel in a few weeks time if you rip that bandaid off now. Good luck to you.

Fluffycloudland77 · 01/03/2022 20:15

Bloody hell they've already had 5 months. She's filling a staff vacancy not having a pregnancy. Just leave.

KnottyKnitting · 01/03/2022 20:19

Quick question op- if you don't have a job to go to- are you having to work until 30th April? I have just resigned ( taking early retirement) I don't work for a school but an education role in an LA but under teachers pay and conditions/ burgundy book and I have been told I have to go back after the Easter holidays and work until 30th April as this is when the contract runs to.

godmum56 · 01/03/2022 20:19

@SleepingStandingUp

Given your last post I'd be very clear "I'm sorry, but I do not feel I can handle this job until July. Leaving as planned is better for us all than me not coming in one Wednesday down the road because I have had a breakdown."

no don't say this, don't let anybody think you can't do it, just say the MN standard "Sorry that won't work for me."

Really18 · 01/03/2022 20:21

I used to live for half term. My life was a constant countdown. I also hated my job. I would dream about it. I would work late. I would be checking my emails in the night. I hated the school politics. The environment just sucked the life out of me. I was always doing extra. I worked in the same school for 10 years. I will never work on a school again.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 01/03/2022 20:23

I was annoyed whenI read your update saying you would stay because you are a people pleaser. Why bother posting when you know you are a pushover. Then I read your comment about your son copying what you said. It's outrageous and irresponsible to put people pleasing/taking the path of least resistance ahead of your family's needs.

Are you really going to set a terrible example for your son because you are a people pleaser? Are you really going to risk mental ill health that, could isolate you from your family to placate a head teacher who will have forgotten your name in 10 years time?

If ever there was a time to pull up your big girl pants and stick to your guns now is that time. Send an email straightaway saying you have given it due consideration and will be leaving at Easter as planned. Say your mind is made up and you do not wish to discuss the matter again. And stick to it. In six weeks time you will be free. That's got to be worth it.

FarFarFarAndAway · 01/03/2022 20:24

If you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown, definitely don't stay! You are far more important. You must put yourself first on this occasion.

They will cope. You may not cope. Put you first this time, you know you need to which is why you posted.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread